starting medication for social reasons

[Anonymous]

My second grader is an outgoing fun kid with ADHD. He is pretty bright so is compensating at school enough so that he is middle of the road academically despite being youngest in the class. He has a 504 with some accommodations that are enough for now.

Anyways I feel like socially he is suffering. I can tell when he is around other kids that sometimes his energy level is too much. He is almost never invited to any birthday parties or play dates and he is starting to notice. Sometimes I feel like its the parents that don't want their kids becoming friendly with my son because yes, he does occasionally get in trouble at school for not sitting or doing his work.

Advice?

[Anonymous]

My daughter was older, but this is exactly why we started meds as well. Her grades did improve also, but I think the social issues came from anxiety over never knowing what was going on. There was a dramatic change in her social interactions after meds. More self confidence, less impulsivity.

[Anonymous]

I actually think it's one of the best reasons to try meds.

[Anonymous]

My inattentive son with no friends socialized so much better on medication - he was able to follow the rapid back and forth of conversation, and contribute better.

BTW, don't think that parents don't want to invite your kid because he occasionally gets into trouble at school - nobody cares about that.

Parents care about not having anyone destroying their home or njure themselves in their home! I have invited some off-the-wall bouncy boys (and girls) with ADHD, and it's exhausting to have them in the house, especially when they're younger. One of them nearly broke the glass chandelier in the dining room, and the other nearly toppled over the upstairs banister. If I observe that some of my kids' friends are bouncy like that, I don't invite them to the house any more.

[Anonymous]

If he's getting in trouble now, it will only get worse next year. I'd try meds.

[Anonymous]

I understand what you are going through as mine is now a teen. The meds decision is so hard and you will likely question it forever. Do your research, talk to doctors, and just stay strong ( a lot of judgement about it.) ADHD is multi-faceted but because so much of it presents to the world as a behavioral issue that is only what people see/ focus on. And, yes, the behaviors are difficult, annoying, distracting, challenging, etc. Kids pick- up on this early ( can't blame them) and then the ADHD kid starts to get isolated, labeled -immature, teased, any range of things. Their self-esteem defintely suffers -- even if they look happy-go-lucky. Read " Driven to Distraction" your heart will simply break.

All that to say, try medication. You can always stop if you think not the right thing but the friendships, self-esteem issues have a profound effect that will last a lifetime. Puberty does help with the impulsivity part but by then often too late as friendships have ended or suffered. Help him now while he is little.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't because of the risk of possible side effects and longer-term issues but my line is further out than most people's.
For academics I wouldn't until end of elementary or middle school unless DC was really failing.
The only reason I would medicate at this age for social reasons is if DC were getting very depressed or anxious like not being able to eat or sleep or crying all the time. It doesn't sound like your DC is anywhere near this point. Is it possible the friends thing is something you're more worried about than he is?

I would try something like a social skills class first. Our DC can be very hyper a lot and also has issues at school but really benefited from social skills groups that helped him figure out when he's too hyped up or talking too much and so forth. He has been lucky enough to have a lot of friends especially among other active boys. Usually the parents who invite him over have the boys play outside.

[Anonymous]

We did all the behavioral therapy, social skill classes...meds really helped with the anxiety aspects.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about the birthday party thing, OP. In second grade birthday parties tend to get smaller and many parents I know only invited 2-5 close friends at this age. It's possible his close friends did not have a party this year. This happened to one of my DCs one year and in the grand scheme of things this is something that you should not stress about.

For play dates can you host?

[Anonymous]

I think I remember reading that the hyperactivity tends to decrease for most kids in a year or two.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I feel like its the parents that don't want their kids becoming friendly with my son because yes, he does occasionally get in trouble at school for not sitting or doing his work

I wouldn't assume that it is this. One of my son's good friends has ADHD and we do invite the child over to the house because DS likes him so much, but he is a LOT more work to manage at a play date than DS's other friends in terms of being very energetic, having more trouble following our house rules etc. He's a good kid at heart, and we do invite him whenever DS asks for him, but if I am tired or have other things going on, I would be more likely to suggest another friend when DS does not ask for this friend specifically.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible it's more of a personal space or other ADHD issue? Our high energy ADHD kid who is in trouble at school all the time is considered really "fun" by the other kids and thus tends to be invited to a lot of stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it's one of the best reasons to try meds.

Agree. I have a DS8 with ASD/ADHD. He has an IEP almost all for social communication issues not academics. He does very well academically without supports. The school provides speech therapy for pragmatics, social skills group, lunch bunch, Sp Ed support,... But meds made the most difference in his happiness and social skills.

[Anonymous]

My third grader has ADHD and I *really* hate having other kids over with ADHD. It's hyper, impulsive and immature to the power of five. They just play off of each other. I'm worried for safety, my possessions and just the general intensity is too much.

One thing that helps on play dates (we just started this at our house) is one hour play (outside if possible, or structured play) followed by one hour of video games. It takes a lot for kids with ADHD (at least my kid) to follow social cues for more than an hour. The video games take the heat off.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice everyone. My son is not one to destroy things. He is ok at play dates since that is something he likes. School is not something he likes so he struggles. He has a few close friends. I know he is feeling left out at some level even though he projects a carefree attitude.

Really debating trying the meds. Our school is a tight knit community. Behavior is a huge deal with many public displays of praise for good behavior. My son never gets these awards. Maybe I am projecting but Seems that parents want them kids to be friends with the "good" kids that are in the highest reading group.