At a loss for an appropriate consequence

[Anonymous]

During dinner tonight I noticed my 2nd grade son had something written on his hand. When I asked him what it was, he became evasive before finally showing me he had written "Dick" and "Damn" on his hand. I asked him when/why he wrote that, and he said he wrote it during his last class because he was angry and frustrated. Surprisingly he managed to keep it hidden from the teacher and from his aftercare providers because I am SURE someone would have said something if they noticed it.

What's an appropriate consequence or discussion for this??? We didn't discuss it much tonight and I sent him to bed early and told him we would talk more about it in the morning. Needless to say I'm pretty upset.

[Anonymous]

First, let me state, I don't allow my kids to say curse words (in front of me), but I know the older one has used "damn", "crap" (he's 10).

But, I don't punish him if he says these words once or twice out of anger or frustration. I just tell him to choose different words, and then talk to him about what is making him angry and frustrated.

Focus on what made him angry/frustrated, how to express these feelings, and not the actual words he chose to express them.

[Anonymous]

Well, you sent him to bed early. That sounds like a decent punishment for not that big of a deal. He was angry and instead of screaming or yelling or hitting, he wrote a few words on his own hand that will wash off. He told you the truth eventually. Praise him for that tomorrow morning, then ask him to brainstorm other ways he can vent his anger.

[Anonymous]

Take away something that he cares about - a priviledge, or a toy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, you sent him to bed early. That sounds like a decent punishment for not that big of a deal. He was angry and instead of screaming or yelling or hitting, he wrote a few words on his own hand that will wash off. He told you the truth eventually. Praise him for that tomorrow morning, then ask him to brainstorm other ways he can vent his anger.

This - maybe help him come up with two or three more productive ways of expressing/venting.

[Anonymous]

He handled his anger pretty darn well.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I wouldn't give a consequence for this, actually. I would just talk to DS about why cursing is a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He handled his anger pretty darn well.

I had the same thought. I would praise my child and then work on alternatives and problem solve through what caused the anger and whether it can be prevented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take away something that he cares about - a priviledge, or a toy.

Too extreme for the"misdeed."

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have a good kid

[Anonymous]

You already punished him by sending him to bed early. No need for further punishment, IMO. I think that PP is right in that you may want to have a conversation about why cursing is inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He handled his anger pretty darn well.

I agree absolutely. Instead of lashing out at someone, verbally or physically, he vented by writing something on his hand?
Don't you realize how mature and controlled that is?

I would say: "I'm glad you didn't tell anyone these words. I hope you didn't show them to anybody. Next time, you can say them in your head instead of writing them out - you could get into big trouble if the teacher sees that."
And no punishment. He doesn't deserve a punishment. He did well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He handled his anger pretty darn well.

I agree absolutely. Instead of lashing out at someone, verbally or physically, he vented by writing something on his hand?
Don't you realize how mature and controlled that is?

I would say: "I'm glad you didn't tell anyone these words. I hope you didn't show them to anybody. Next time, you can say them in your head instead of writing them out - you could get into big trouble if the teacher sees that."
And no punishment. He doesn't deserve a punishment. He did well.

+1! Great answer