My 5 yr old girl doesn't have close female friends and never has. Advice?

[Anonymous]

5 yr old DD doesn't have any female friends. My daughter has never been close to other girls. Since preschool she always developed really strong relationships with boys. She's not a Tomboy. In fact, she's very girly but for some reason when it comes to friends she seems to gravitate to boys and they seem to accept her. I don't mind it but I also have a 7 yr old who is in 2nd grade and I see 7 is the age where they tend to separate by gender and I worry when that time comes, she'll be left standing with no friends.

Whenever I ask her about some cute little girl in her class she will say, "She's not nice. She cuts me in line all the time and pushes" or some equivalent answer. It suggests girls don't seem to like her. She gets along well with her sister's friends and they play with her sometimes so I know she can play with girls but they're older and again, her sister's friends, not hers. I spoke to her teacher who seems to think she gets along with everyone and says she sees her play with girls and boys so I now think it's not that she never plays with girls but she has no close relationships with any. My older daughter got asked on play-dates all the time and has a huge social calendar. She has 3 really close girlsfriends who she's inseparable from. My 5 yr old has yet to be invited to a birthday yet (her 2 best friends are summer babies and boys) and the only playdates she gets asked on are from boys. Any advice? Tips? How can I help her forge more relationships with girls since she's coming upon that age where they start segregating themselves. I fear for the day when the boys she is friends with drop her because she's a girl.

[Anonymous]

You are trying way too hard. Even worse, you are making your daughter feel like there is something wrong with her and that playing with boys is wrong. Plenty of 5 year olds don't have BFFs. Plenty of girls are best friends with boys. If her teacher says she gets along with other kids, then your job as her social coordinator is done. 5 is very young and she has her entire childhood to make good friends. It will happen if you just let her be herself.

[Anonymous]

No big deal. Let her be herself.

Also, relax. She is only 5!!!!

[Anonymous]

I'd worry more about girls who tend toward clique-y exclusive behavior with friends than OP's 5yo who knows how to play with everyone and avoids kids who are not nice to her.

[Anonymous]

It is fine. My son is 7 and while most of his friends are now male, his very best friend is still female. When he was 5 almost all of his friends were girls. I do understand the concern about wanting to have at least some friendships with her own gender, because things separate out as they get older, but really, your daughter will work it out for herself and find a few girls she likes as she gets older.

[Anonymous]

My son didn't have close friends until he was in 1st grade and 7. He rarely went to play dates and birthday parties before that. Now he has a close group of friends and he always is with them. My 5 year old daughter goes to her whole class birthday parties but almost never has play dates. She doesn't talk about anyone particular from school. We are so busy, I never think of it and don't really want to arrange any. I'm sure she will develop friends as she gets older. Yours will too and it sounds like she has friends. Enroll her in a class or activity like dance IF she wants to and you want her to hang out with girls. Honestly I wouldn't and see nothing wrong with her hanging out with only boys.

[Anonymous]

My kids were very indiscriminate as to gender of friends at that age. Many friends of the opposite gender and no BFFs. This is totally age appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I know a lovely young lady who never had a female friend until high school. She always hung out with nice boys, including my son. She's a great kid. I would love to have a daughter like her.

[Anonymous]

OP, here is the message I'm getting from your post:

"My younger daughter is different from my older daughter. Also, I think that girls should play with girls."

My advice to you: let her be herself. Things are fine. You are the one who has a problem.

[Anonymous]

She is 5. Very few five year olds have close friends.

[Anonymous]

My 5 year old DD mostly has boy friends, and my 10 year old DS has friends of both genders. During playdates they all play together.

This is really the LEAST of my worries, OP. It will sort itself out. And frankly, I'm glad she's not gravitating towards the horribly whiny, demanding and hypercritical 5 year old princesses in her class! They're little monsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is the message I'm getting from your post:

"My younger daughter is different from my older daughter. Also, I think that girls should play with girls."

My advice to you: let her be herself. Things are fine. You are the one who has a problem.

I agree with this. OP, your DD is fine. Let her be.

[Anonymous]

My 16 year old daughter was just like yours, and I am proud to say...she still is. She has only superficial friendships with other girls her age. She loves to go to dinner or movies with us, and she is very mature for her age. I used to worry about it, but I got good advice on this very website a few years back to just let her be and be happy. I did and she is a beautiful, smart young woman.

[Anonymous]

Why is gender so important to you, OP? What makes little boys so terrifying and little girls okay for her to be around? Some kids start to segregate around 6-8, but usually when the parents have been pushing it (You want to do a sleepover party? But you can only do that with girls. Why? Well, because you're a girl!). If the parents don't push it, the kids are less likely to care about gender, ethnicity or any other difference.

[Anonymous]

Your gender imperatives are so 1950s.