Severe anxiety over Outdoor Ed
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Anonymous
| MS DS has severe anxiety/OCD and has zoned in on Outdoor Ed as something he can't/won't do. It is a school function that lasts for 2 nights and is in March or April I think. DS enjoys school, is mainstream, and doesn't have any performance or behavior/conduct issues there. That aside, DS worries about not being able to sleep, kids seeing him take his meds, etc., and aside from sleeping at his grandparents, doesn't sleep out even with friends. He did go to sleep away camp last summer and it was a horrible experience for him, culminating in an early departure and no sleepovers since then. Last night was horrible at home and DS was acting terribly because he was so against Outdoor Ed. Therapist recommends encouraging him to go and we are going to encourage DS to talk to school guidance counselor about it. I'm just so torn about pushing him through this or backing off, especially if he is going to be miserable the next weeks thinking about it. I hated sleeping away from home as a kid, so I get it, but I don't want to enable him either and want him to start feeling like he can handle these situations. Part of me has this fear in jumping to conclusions that he'll never be able to conquer this and won't be able to move out one day for college, etc. We could let him go for the day and pick him up at night, but I'm not sure that is the solution either. I've heard from parents that their kids really enjoyed the experience, but it's different when your kid has these issues. Anyone been through this or have thoughts? We can't continue to have nights like last night. |
Anonymous
| My DD had tons of anxiety about Outdoor Ed for very similar reasons as your DS. She takes 3 types of medication (for ADD, depression and anxiety - we got it all going on). Short answer is she did fine. One thing that helped, though I was loathe to do it, was requesting she be in a cabin with friends. The idea of that calmed her down and she slept fine and had a great time. Good luck! |
Anonymous
My son has anxiety and OCD and had never slept one day away from home before outdoor ed. I encouraged him to go and he was a wreck. He was nervous about sleeping, changing in front of others, etc... I encouraged him to go despite the horrible nights leading up to it. I sat by the phone waiting to get a call to get him (I didn't tell him I'd run up and get him but I would have.). He stayed, he was the only one who didn't shower, I don't even think he changed his clothes or underwear but I considered it a success because he went. He loved it but hasn't spent one night away since then  The teachers and nurse were great. Touch base with a teacher who is going who knows him and have them check in with him.
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Anonymous
| Op here. Good suggestion to talk to a teacher. I know that sleepovers are not a pre-requisite to becoming independent in life, but any parents who went through this years ago with their DS/DD who can share some wisdom? |
Anonymous
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Our school just had an info night last night about Outdoor Ed. At least for our MCPS, parents are permitted to chaperone - encouraged actually, they seem to need a lot of volunteers for a variety of different time periods. So you could go for some early portion and make sure he's doing OK (or even stay over night, although that is gender segregated obviously.)
Our school also has a policy that the kids provide a list of 4 names of other kids they'd like to bunk with (there are about 18 per dorm, plus 2 chaperones). Of that list of 4, the school guarantees the kid will be placed with at least 1 and it's often more than that. Their daytime activities are spent in different groups so it doesn't mean your kid only spends time with a handful of others. Not sure if this is standard but I imagine many schools do this stuff in similar fashion. BTW our school said they take HUGE pride in the universal participation - expect pushback from the school if you propose to keep him out or to have him sleep at home. |
Anonymous
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Hi, Op
My DD also had severe anxiety over sleeping away from home due to a bad experience when she was younger. Perhaps you or your husband could be an adult chaperone? It is a short term solution but if it is causing such stress for you DS it might help him get over the fear of sleeping away from home. Good luck! I know it is stressful on the parents because you worry about them not having a good time. Now in 9th she just got over her fear when she was forced to stay one night away from home ( school event and no parents allowed) Her surviving and having a good time gave her confidence. Your son might not be ready this year but he will soon enough. |
Anonymous
Op here. We are considering the chaperone thing, which would be a major pain and yet we'd still do it, but aren't sure that it would help or hurt the situation. I think DS would make a greater effort to hold his emotions in check if we aren't there. It's like his behavior at school, which the teachers say is great, but his behavior at home around us can be a nightmare. I think he'd feel great about himself if he can do this on his own. Damn, sometimes I look around and see that all of these other kids can do certain kids and why can't mine, but then I have to remind myself to put blinders on and that you grow the kid you were given. |
Anonymous
| My DDs middle school did this for one week every fall. She also has sever anxiety/other emotional issues. We let her skip the trip in 6 th grade and worked with the school to excuse her ( small private). She ended up going 7th and 8th grade- hated every minute and came back very proud of herself that she did it- she still talks about it and she is now 18 |
Anonymous
| Would you consider being a chaperon for it. You can assure him that he can take his meds on the down low if you are there. The other thing you might tell him is that lots of kids take medicine. He should also talk to a child who has already gone to outdoor ed to hear his/her experience. It's helpful for kids to get the inside scoop from a peer. |
Anonymous
| I experienced this as a teenager. I ended up going for one day only (my mom had to drive me up and back.) It wasn't a big deal and I never regretted it. I would encourage him to participate for a day if possible but I wouldn't push it. |
Anonymous
I am kind of chuckling at the timing of this thread. I have a DD in 5th grade and tonight I went to parents night at the middle school she's going to be attending next year. When they talked about Outdoor Ed, I immediately thought uh oh...this isn't going to go over well with her. She has ADD inattentive and anxiety. I love your quote, OP, "keep blinders on and grow the kid you were given." That is going to become my mantra b/c I hate to admit that I often find myself comparing DD to neuro typical kids and feeling very wistful. |
Anonymous
| I'd note that meds won't necessarily be a big deal--lots of kids take daily pills for allergies, etc. |
Anonymous
| First of all, as evident but the multiple people who replied to this thread, know that your kid is not the only one with a high level of anxiety about this, but not everyone lets on what ther kids are saying or doing in the privacy of home. My kids are younger but I'm replying because I have a high level of anxiety and felt this way about my own outdoor ed experience 30 years ago. My parents made me go (different generation - it wasn't even a question) and I was a wreck ahead of time and I can't say I loved it but I'm still glad I went because it showed me I could do it. I spend a lot of time obsessing about details when my anxiety is at full hilt, so in some ways it is like I'm not present in the moment because I'm working so hard mentally to think through all the things I'm anxious about. I think what would have helped me is if my parents had asked me ahead of time what I felt anxious about and then they or a teacher could have talked through with me the solutions to those worries (e.g., what if I can't fall asleep, what if I don't like any of the food, how do I dress when I walk to the shower, etc.). |
Anonymous
OP Outdoor Ed is optional. Why put your DS through this misery? Put yourself in his shoes. He is going to be a nervous wreck by the time OE arrives in April. he's going to have 2 more months to ruminate and obsess over it. In the grand scheme of things, his happiness and your general household happiness is far more important than any benefit he would even get from going. And if he did go, his mind would be so preoccupied with the "what if" scenarios the whole time that he would not get much out of it. just a thought. |
Anonymous
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My oldest had such severe anxiety over it that he vomitted profusely the morning he was set to leave. I talked to his teachers and we decided to try again second session but not tell him. He would have the option of opting out. He did end up going but he had many teachers and the principal working to make it successful for him.
My second son went last year and I was the one who was nervous. My kids never sleep away from home (their choice not mine) and this one takes medication and sleeps very little. Without someone making him go to bed, I was sure he'd be up all night. The nurse told me that lots of kids take meds, lots of kids don't sleep. it was fine. This being said, it's optional and I'm not sure I'd make him go. The therapist would have to have good reason for me to buy into this. It's long and the co sequences of it not working (all of your school peers knowing something embarrassing about you) are huge. If it were me and I thought my son wasn't ready I'd call him out sick. That's better than picking him up before it's over. |