Anyone here have a child with hoarding issues?

[Anonymous]

My DC is having a hoarding problem and I need help - she is not yet 4 and she already hoards everything. In every room of the house, she takes a 'spot' to put all her stuff in - things she hoards in one section of the linen closet (she calls it her spot) for example - dirty clothes, toys, paper pieces, food items, cardboard pieces.. I've found fungus oranges, slices of apple, cookies, raisins - you name it, its in her spot. She always wants '2' or '3' cookies or apples or oranges or bread slices or whatever and I find them in 'her spots'..Every time I cleanup the room with toys it goes back to bad state in 2 days. She takes all the blocks or whatever little toys, puts them in boxes, drags all the boxes and containers to a corner and makes a huge pile of toys. Instead of playing appropriately with the toys, she finds comfort in mixing them all up and putting them in a corner.

She has head banging and back banging sensory issues (seen a dev.ped for that). No diagnosis of ASD but attends Pilot and regular preschool since she has speech delay and cannot intiate conversation and is too shy to even ask a question to the teacher. She has anxiety issues. If I take out something from her pile of junk she has a meltdown. She also has transition issues between classes in preschool - she gets attached to a teacher and it took her a month each time they moved classes based on age (once in Sep and once this Jan). She knows how to poop in potty but refuses to do it and just poops in pullups and says she'll 'poop in potty Sunday'. I am clearly at a loss what to do since she seems so smart when it comes to understanding things, observing and later implementing - she sees something on a cartoon and knows how to apply that in real life. But she has all these strange habits.

How do I help prevent this obsession with hoarding? I am just tired of seeing piles of junk in every corner of the house (every room - even some kitchen cabinets are 'hers') and if I try to remove her junk, she has meltdowns. I have a bad back/hip and just dont know how to keep the house clean anymore and am getting angrier and frustrated by this. Does anyone else have a child with similar obsessions? How do you handle this?

[Anonymous]

She needs to be in some form of therapy. Your dev. ped will help you figure out which is the best fit, but the fact that she has anxiety issues and has trouble with transition are HUGE red flags for hoarding tendencies. She should be working with a qualified therapist to help her 1. Deal with her anxieties and 2. Instill some self empowerment so instead of holding everything inside (which will exacerbate obsessions) she has a positive outlet to deal with things.

[Anonymous]

Oh sorry, PP here. Just wanted to add, you can't be the one to do it. As you can see, it just creates a bad dynamic. You get angrier and she gets more panicked.

It is really easy to just get frustrated when you can't understand why someone is acting the way that they do, and that for the most part, they really can't control it.

[Anonymous]

My son used to (still does a little but much better). Turns out he had anxiety and OCD. I gave him a bin to put things in, as long as it wasn't food or anything that could get bugs. I would periodically throw things away, only a little at a time so he didn't notice and there was enough there so he would think he had it all. I agree that she needs to get in therapy. Once we got his anxiety under control the hoarding mostly stopped. He still collects random things. I still just throw things away or put them in a bag in his closet and throw them away when he hasn't looked for a while but it's just a little stuff here or there.

[Anonymous]

OP here..Thanks for the replies..

@20:05 what kind of therapy do children usually get for these instances? I should have been a bit clearer in my post - we saw a dev. neurologist for the head banging. Would that Doctor be able to address this issue or is it only a dev.ped who can address this? any recommendations at childrens hospital or other in Upper MoCo?

@20:05 I tried giving her a bin. What she did with was fill it up, put it in a cornerand then dump a blanket, some clothes, other toys on top of that. Today, we have a corner in one room with a cardboard box, a small bike, a tricycle, a throw, some papers on top of it and some dirty clothes. Door knobs are not doing any good since she knows how to break them apart, take what she wants and put the knob back together again. She loves containers and in one lower kitchen cabinet she has a pile of containers. She also puts little things and food and junk in the containers and then puts them in some corner of the house.

[Anonymous]

In the short term, I would consult with a psychologist about how to treat the hoarding issues. At young ages, psychologists often work only (or initially) with the parents rather than directly with the child.

In the long term, however, she has enough red flags/concerning behaviors that I would get someone to look at her overall development -- a developmental pediatrician or similar.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. This sounds really challenging. First, talk to you ped and say you need a referral to a psychologist for evaluation to address potential anxiety and hoarding. Second, focus on what you control. Model the behavior you want. Chuck everything unnecessary in your life - buy the crazy but actually neuro development helpful Marie kondo book - and apply decluttering principles to your mom stuff. Tell your kid why it makes your life better. Third, cut the heck down on her stuff. Useful items, good games - great. Crap from birthday parties or chuck e cheese. Don't even let it hit the house. If u are modeling healthy relationship to items and get some help from a professional, it will be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry. This sounds really challenging. First, talk to you ped and say you need a referral to a psychologist for evaluation to address potential anxiety and hoarding. Second, focus on what you control. Model the behavior you want. Chuck everything unnecessary in your life - buy the crazy but actually neuro development helpful Marie kondo book - and apply decluttering principles to your mom stuff. Tell your kid why it makes your life better. Third, cut the heck down on her stuff. Useful items, good games - great. Crap from birthday parties or chuck e cheese. Don't even let it hit the house. If u are modeling healthy relationship to items and get some help from a professional, it will be ok.

OP is trying to do this and her kid is having meltdowns! This is not a matter of applying Konmari correctly.

[Anonymous]

This is definitely a case where you need to seek a referral to a child psychologist stat. It sounds like you're doing everything you can but your child is dealing with some major issues and professional help will be much more effective. I'm sorry you're dealing with this OP, you sound like a great parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry. This sounds really challenging. First, talk to you ped and say you need a referral to a psychologist for evaluation to address potential anxiety and hoarding. Second, focus on what you control. Model the behavior you want. Chuck everything unnecessary in your life - buy the crazy but actually neuro development helpful Marie kondo book - and apply decluttering principles to your mom stuff. Tell your kid why it makes your life better. Third, cut the heck down on her stuff. Useful items, good games - great. Crap from birthday parties or chuck e cheese. Don't even let it hit the house. If u are modeling healthy relationship to items and get some help from a professional, it will be ok.

OP is trying to do this and her kid is having meltdowns! This is not a matter of applying Konmari correctly.

This is a PSYCHOLOGICAL issue---NOT a question of "modeling"...boom...fixed!!!!
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