4th grade girl - only wants to play with boys at recess
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Anonymous
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My DD's teacher mentioned this to me at the November teacher conference. Teacher started by asking me if I knew who DD's friends were. I mentioned a few that DD had talked about. The teacher says she has noticed that DD only ever plays with the boys on the playground. I've tried to casually ask DD who she plays with at recess and she was initially defensive. I don't care so much who she plays with if she is happy, but I am concerned that maybe there is a bullying thing happening here? Or exclusion? The boys are playing a structured game, and I know that DD is very much into fairness. It doesn't sound like the girls play structured games. At least, DD says she doesn't know what her friends (the ones I named to the teacher) do. She seems unhappy when they come up though.
Teacher said she would observe the playground and I checked in with her last month and she said DD seems fine playing with the boys. DD has some female friends outside of school in our neighborhood and in her Girl Scout troop. Are there other questions I should be asking about this? |
Anonymous
| If the teacher said she seems fine, I would let it go. I played with the boys through 5th grade and turned out just fine. We played soccer every day - we picked teams and then played for a long time. We had to sort out all of our own disagreements. I learned so much from this - also I became a much better player. I just found the boys so much more fun at the time to play with. My girl friends (and I had those too) spent too much time hanging out and gossiping. |
Anonymous
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Yea---why the f*ck the teacher thinks it is a problem? She's in 4th grade. If there are mean girls, she's better off with the 10-year old boys.
I was very athletic as a girl---travel soccer, etc. and I liked playing games with the boys. I was also, oddly, feminine--into clothes, ribbons in hair, etc...but I loved sports. |
Anonymous
I'd ask her if she's having fun at recess or if she would rather mix it up and play with different kids. If she does want to mix it up, I'd help her do that. My son plays with different kids at recess because his friends play football and he doesn't really like that. Which is fine, unless he wanted to play and was being excluded. Also, I wouldn't worry about the gender of her who she plays with unless she sees that as a concern herself. |
Anonymous
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I don't think its problem. My 9 year old son told me he plays a kind of cops and robbers game at recess which includes boys and girls and if a specific girl is a cop, she likes to capture and imprison him first, if she can.
Sounds normal to me. |
Anonymous
| My DD is also in 4th and prefers to play with the boys at recess. She wants to play kickball, soccer, tag, gaga. She doesn't want to sit on the bench and talk or engage in pretend play. |
Anonymous
That was me too as a kid. I find it really odd the teacher is finding a problem with this, but she could be one of *those* women. |
Anonymous
| Why would the teacher find this problematic? |
Anonymous
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I would be careful about digging further into this with your DD. You don't want to make her feel uncomfortable about playing with boys, right? If she seems happy, let it go.
If it seems like she dislikes school, dig deeper into that without the recess angle. I would only worry about recess if she was alone and unhappy (or unhappy with the people she was with). |
Anonymous
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Not a problem, unless your DD is unhappy.
Just check in with your DD every once and awhile. Slip in a question or two about recess when you're asking about other things. "Did you get to go outside for recess? Was it fun? What'd you do? Who else played with you?" If she seems to be having fun, that's great. Just give her space to enjoy herself. If you ask too many questions, she's going to feel like there's something wrong when there's not. |
Anonymous
Yes, why is your teacher being sexist? Would she mention it to you if she white only playing with black kids? My daughter always played with the boys at recess. They are much more fun. I used to volunteer at recess all the time and observe. The girls just walk around and talk most of the time, especially after grade 2. Some of the girls try and boss the situation but there aren't really anymore games and fun with some girls. They try to grow up so fast. Boys just want to play, they don't give a shit who is along for the ride as long as you play. If your daughter likes to play more than getting into the tween girly thing, she will much prefer boys 3-5th grade. Nothing wrong with that AT ALL. Actually be pretty grateful. |
Anonymous
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Let the child be a child! OMG. Some girls are really into the social heirarchy at this age. Others simply don't get the point and they find the boys more fun to play with b/c they don't have so many social conditions. Some girls also don't care about fashion and who-likes-who... .they like Minecraft or Pokemon or sports -- which are easier to discuss or share with boys.
Really, OP -- what are your options? "Susie -- you really shouldn't hang out with the boys. You need to make friends with the girls. " ???? Your child is old enough and smart enough to figure out who she wants to hang out with. |
Anonymous
| Once you rule out bullying/exclusion, just leave it alone. |
Anonymous
My question is, why are you being sexist? |
Anonymous
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I played with boys a lot growing up. They were far easier to understand. Girls have pretty complex social interactions that are frustrating. Also boys when I was in 4th grade played sports (kickball, volleyball etc), whereas the girls tended to just talk and have less active sorts of play, which I found boring. I turned out pretty normal. I did go into a male dominated field though and my years of playing with boys helped.
(...and if you were wondering, I am hetero and have two kids of my own. This always seems to be the subtext of these types of discussions.) |