Managing with Parent Living in the House

[Anonymous]

My mother has been living with us for the past five years. DS is six, and she helped us significantly with childcare in the beginning. Now she has him one afternoon a week after school and occasional teacher work days. She moved in with us because my parents are divorced, and she only has social security and a small retirement account. She did give us a small amount toward our down payment.

My sister lives locally, but is only available about once a week to do anything with her. DH and I basically pay all her bills including her Medicare supplement and prescriptions. I am happy to do this, but she has become increasingly nagging during the last few months. She has never been easy to deal with, but now it is constant. We are almost out of milk and she has reminded me at least 10 times today. The kind of thing that just makes me not want to be in my own house. I remember my grandmother saying before she died that she could never live with her again.

She goes to the senior center twice a week and volunteers at my DS's school a few times a month. She sees the doctor and has received treatment for minor depression. I honestly think she is upset that many of her friends are having comfortable retirements with their spouses, but my father left her high and dry.

The thing is this is causing me to be anxious and depressed. Besides getting myself out of the house more I do not think there is anyway to manage this better. I am ready to pull my hair out though.

[Anonymous]

How about getting her a low income senior apartment? If she can live by herself, an income based program would work well.

[Anonymous]

She might not recall that she asked about the milk ten times. Please have her memory checked. This is a very basic sign of early memory loss. You might be focusing on her personality issues more than her cognitive function - it's hard to make that shift. My mom is a difficult personality + memory loss, so I get it. But have her checked out by a specialist. Best case, she has no memory loss and will be more aware of how crazy her nagging is

[Anonymous]

Seems liked she helped you a lot. And you have helped her a lot. Try to remember this has been a mutually beneficial relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about getting her a low income senior apartment? If she can live by herself, an income based program would work well.

+1

[Anonymous]

So get the damn milk already.

[Anonymous]

Could you see about finding more activities for your mom apart from the senior center (ex garden club, senior yoga). But agree with another PP that The asking 10 times about the milk might be a symptom of some broader health issue so you might want to mention it to your mom's doctor.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, personality-wise she sounds like my mother. I thank my lucky stars every day that my father is still alive and willing to take care of her.

Breathe, OP. Accompany her to doctor check-ups regularly, voicing your concerns. Maybe look for alternative living arrangements for her, but it will probably be expensive.

Also look into meditation and try to tune her out.

[Anonymous]

Appreciate the (probably free or very flexible) years of childcare you got from her.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the helpful comments and for the note about having her cognitive function tested. I think some of the issues may be related to her hearing as well. I am grateful for all she has done for us, although we certainly never received free childcare. I would just like to make this less stressful for all involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about getting her a low income senior apartment? If she can live by herself, an income based program would work well.

That's what I thought. How is she not on Medicaid?

I don't think there's much to do about her personality. Most old people are annoying to young people, and you will be annoying to your children someday. Set a good example of treating a parent with respect despite being annoyed.