What should I do? Worth calling her again?

[Anonymous]

I'm a widower, lost my wife 4 years go. I recently moved back to my hometown, as I found a job in my field. Haven't dated, did have an ill-advised one night stand. Anyway, I met a really great lady through work. We don't work directly together. She's great, smart, kind, funny, pretty. we get on pretty well and after a couple of months of flirting , we ended up going out. It wan't really a date because friends tagged long. The evening was awkward. I'm not sure what happened, but there was a lot of tension. Things relaxed again after she and her friend got a flat and I fixed it for them, but then she tried to kiss me, and I turned my head. She actually said I jumped.
She was upset with me at first, but we ended up talking about my wife and she said she understood if I wasn't ready. Heard from her once since.
I pretty sure I blew it with her.
Part of me wants to call her again, and see if she'll give me another chance. I'm also surprised I reacted like I did.
Should I call her?

[Anonymous]

Call her. I'm sure she understands. If she doesn't understand, she wasn't the one for you anyway.

[Anonymous]

So what should I say.

I messed up twice already, With the dodged kiss. I also didn't tell her about my wife, before hand. I only said I was just out of a serious relationship.

She said I shouldn't have lied to her.

I didn't mean to lie, but she's not from my town so she didn't know anything about me and my wife , and I didn't want to start off being the 30 year old widower.

[Anonymous]

Call her. Apologize. Say you haven't dated for YEARS, you lost your wife, and you've been dealing with that, but you really like her. Can we try again? Just the two of us?

Be honest and forthright. No games. If you feel weird, tell her. If you feel confused, tell her. If you really like her, tell her. Nothing is going anywhere if you can't be yourself.

[Anonymous]

Just ask her out to dinner.

[Anonymous]

I would say call her, it doesn't hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call her. Apologize. Say you haven't dated for YEARS, you lost your wife, and you've been dealing with that, but you really like her. Can we try again? Just the two of us?

Be honest and forthright. No games. If you feel weird, tell her. If you feel confused, tell her. If you really like her, tell her. Nothing is going anywhere if you can't be yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Are you still confused about whether you're ready to date her? If so, wait until you know what you want to try.

If you're ready to try, call or write and say that you have been thinking about her and really like her. Express that what happened wasn't personal and that you have taken time and are now ready, and would love to take her to dinner.

[Anonymous]

I'm completely clueless about dating. I met my wife first week of college at 19 and I didn't date much before then my entire relationship experience is with my wife.

[Anonymous]

It's okay, OP. You don't need to be a dating expert. If you want to see her again, call her and ask her.


I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you still confused about whether you're ready to date her? If so, wait until you know what you want to try.

If you're ready to try, call or write and say that you have been thinking about her and really like her. Express that what happened wasn't personal and that you have taken time and are now ready, and would love to take her to dinner.

I'm not sure. I know that I like her. I'm not sure about dating. I thought I was ready, but don't know, and I feel like a dick asking her to be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm completely clueless about dating. I met my wife first week of college at 19 and I didn't date much before then my entire relationship experience is with my wife.

Are you good at reading people? Generally speaking?

Are you polite? Generally speaking?

Then you're fine. Just be yourself, and have fun. As others have said, a woman who doesn't have patience for who you are and what you've been through is a waste of your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you still confused about whether you're ready to date her? If so, wait until you know what you want to try.

If you're ready to try, call or write and say that you have been thinking about her and really like her. Express that what happened wasn't personal and that you have taken time and are now ready, and would love to take her to dinner.

I'm not sure. I know that I like her. I'm not sure about dating. I thought I was ready, but don't know, and I feel like a dick asking her to be friends.

What are you not sure about? Intimacy? Or the fact that dating feels like a set of 100 rules you have to follow? (It's not.)

[Anonymous]

This is one of the kindest threads I have ever seen on DCUM.

OP, I know dating seems hard, but call her up. Say what PP suggested and then get out and have fun.

[Anonymous]

Op, as a 40 year old single woman on the dating scene, I can tell you you shouldn't feel any stigma for being a widower. Many women who have dated men over forty who've never been married think that it is better to date a widower or a divorced guy than a man who is over forty and never married.

Definitely ask her out again. Make sure it is something that is definitely date like, such as dinner.