Felling ignored

[Anonymous]

OK, so I need your input (no judgmental comments please)

I just FT my 13 y.o. DS to make sure he took the puppy out for a walk before going to a friend's house.
He picked up the phone but put it on the floor, because he was clearly playing a video game with his friend.
I heard him talking to his friend while playing, he said "yeah" and continued to play and pay attention to the game.

Would you tolerate that?
It doesn't seem like a big deal when comparing to other things, but he could pause the game for one minute while talking to me.
I have to admit I feel disrespected.

[Anonymous]

Eh, was it the first time? Tell him not to do that anymore and carry on. Don't fret unless it happens again. Teach him.

[Anonymous]

I'm lax about a lot of things but that much disrespect would not be tolerated. No friends over if you're going to ignore your parents. No video games either.

[Anonymous]

What the? You called him. You had no idea what he was doing yet you expect him to jump all over you like a well trained puppy. He is a person who was engaged in an activity that he cares about with someone else. To pause the game interferes with his interaction with his guest. His fault though for answering the phone. Your title says it all. You only care about your need for immediate attention. Respect is a two way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the? You called him. You had no idea what he was doing yet you expect him to jump all over you like a well trained puppy. He is a person who was engaged in an activity that he cares about with someone else. To pause the game interferes with his interaction with his guest. His fault though for answering the phone. Your title says it all. You only care about your need for immediate attention. Respect is a two way street.

Disagree. His mom contacted him to remind him to take the puppy out before he went to a friend's house. Apparently, it was a necessary call on mom's part because her distracted son put the phone down instead of pausing his game. He was rude. His game could have waited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the? You called him. You had no idea what he was doing yet you expect him to jump all over you like a well trained puppy. He is a person who was engaged in an activity that he cares about with someone else. To pause the game interferes with his interaction with his guest. His fault though for answering the phone. Your title says it all. You only care about your need for immediate attention. Respect is a two way street.

Disagree. His mom contacted him to remind him to take the puppy out before he went to a friend's house. Apparently, it was a necessary call on mom's part because her distracted son put the phone down instead of pausing his game. He was rude. His game could have waited.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the? You called him. You had no idea what he was doing yet you expect him to jump all over you like a well trained puppy. He is a person who was engaged in an activity that he cares about with someone else. To pause the game interferes with his interaction with his guest. His fault though for answering the phone. Your title says it all. You only care about your need for immediate attention. Respect is a two way street.

Disagree. His mom contacted him to remind him to take the puppy out before he went to a friend's house. Apparently, it was a necessary call on mom's part because her distracted son put the phone down instead of pausing his game. He was rude. His game could have waited.

This.

Totally!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the? You called him. You had no idea what he was doing yet you expect him to jump all over you like a well trained puppy. He is a person who was engaged in an activity that he cares about with someone else. To pause the game interferes with his interaction with his guest. His fault though for answering the phone. Your title says it all. You only care about your need for immediate attention. Respect is a two way street.

OP here.

OK, to clarify, he was already at his friend's house when I called.
They spend all their free time together. I knew he was going there right after school (neighbors), but we just started house training a puppy and I wanted to make sure he took him for a walk + I wanted to remind him about feeding the dogs dinner and something else. I know my son and I know he can be really distracted, especially when he is playing next door. He does what I ask him, but he often needs reminders.

With that said, I want to address the bolded parts:
I don't have to know what he is doing, but I expect him to pick up the phone or call me back when he sees a missed call from me.
Yes, he might be in the middle of something when I call, but it's easy to either pause the game or let his friend play while he talks to me for a minute. Or call me back in a few minutes.
As far as the last bolded part - I don't have much flexibility when I'm at work. My phone calls are really quick, only the most important things. So when I call and he picks up then yes, I do need his attention. And I don't call him every day either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, was it the first time? Tell him not to do that anymore and carry on. Don't fret unless it happens again. Teach him.

OP here.
Yes, it was the first time.

We had a conversation at dinner. I told him that when someone is talking to him, he needs to give them full attention, meaning he stops playing on the phone, video game, reading or whatever else he is doing. He always has mine attention when he talks to me and I expect the same. I told him that sometimes if he doesn't hear the phone or if he is in the middle of something and needs another minute or two, he needs to call me back. As I said, I don't call him every day, so when I do, it's probably something important that can't wait until the end of the day.
It happens maybe twice a week.
I told him that if it happened again, he would lose his phone for a day or two.

It ended on a good note. We always wait until dinner to talk about our day, school stuff and whatever else we have going on. He is pretty open most of the time and likes to talk.
I guess today was just really hectic with everything.
And I do realize that if that is my biggest problem, then I'm really, really blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the? You called him. You had no idea what he was doing yet you expect him to jump all over you like a well trained puppy. He is a person who was engaged in an activity that he cares about with someone else. To pause the game interferes with his interaction with his guest. His fault though for answering the phone. Your title says it all. You only care about your need for immediate attention. Respect is a two way street.

Disagree. His mom contacted him to remind him to take the puppy out before he went to a friend's house. Apparently, it was a necessary call on mom's part because her distracted son put the phone down instead of pausing his game. He was rude. His game could have waited.

I do agree that the title says that this mom was focused on the wrong part of this and took it personally. However,

1. you either answer a phone or you don't. You don't put it aside and undermine communication like that.
2. presumably there are rules about the puppy. A living being, this family owns. Who is supposed to get to pee on a regular basis. The puppy needed to pee, and the boy was too distracted to provide his FAMILY dog what it needed. That's the part that would put me over the edge.
3. does this family have communication rules? what are they and why did the kid think it was acceptable to ignore his mom.

Feelings, shmeelings. The child undermined mom's ability to pass on information about the care of the dog. That's not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

He probably thought he was being more respectful by answering your call and giving you partial attention rather than ignoring it and calling you back at his convenience. Why couldn't you text? I don't know any kids in that age who want to face time their moms while they're at a friend's house. That would be along the lines of a kiss goodbye as you drop them off at school.

DD and I have a deal. If I text her, I give her a reasonable amount of time to respond, and if I feel like she's ignoring or if I need a quick answer, then I call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably thought he was being more respectful by answering your call and giving you partial attention rather than ignoring it and calling you back at his convenience. Why couldn't you text? I don't know any kids in that age who want to face time their moms while they're at a friend's house. That would be along the lines of a kiss goodbye as you drop them off at school.

DD and I have a deal. If I text her, I give her a reasonable amount of time to respond, and if I feel like she's ignoring or if I need a quick answer, then I call.

OP here.
We usually text, but we had some issues with texts not getting through, so I wanted to make sure he got the message. I texted him about something a few weeks ago and he didn't get that text until the next day. And I know that for a fact, because I was with him when he got it. Weird.
FWIW, he doesn't mind FT. That's what he does as well, especially since we got the puppy.
Normally I wouldn't FT him at a friend's house, but this particular friend is practically a family. We are neighbors, so they grew up together. They are the same age.

And I think you're right, in his mind it was probably better to answer and give me partial attention rather than ignoring my call. It makes sense.