Sister asking me for money

[Anonymous]

My sister and I aren't close. We don't talk on the phone. Sometimes we text if there's a family text (picture of the grandkids floating around and lots of jokes that kind of thing). But I don't know much about her personal life and she doesn't know much about mine. She is single and lives in Silicon Valley. Last night she texted me at midnight asking to borrow $2000. She's never asked me for much of anything much less $ so I was surprised. She said she would pay me back in installments.

We aren't rich by any means. We can afford to lend her the $ but it would mean cancelling our spring break trip. I don't want to be petty but it's a trip we've been looking forward to and we haven't had a family vacation in two years. Anyway we can't do both. Also she lent us $800 about three years ago which we paid back in full one month later. I keep thinking about that and want to do the same but it's also really bad timing for us. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I have encountered the same problem but through high school/college graduation invitations being sent to me in the mail by family members I have never met before or have rarely seen in years.
Very strange.
Odd.

[Anonymous]

I would find out more information. Why does she need the money? Will it solve a problem or merely stem the tide and she will be back in six months?

[Anonymous]

I would have said no way, but then you pointed out that your sister lent you money three years ago. So it's a hard call - saying no will sound really unfair to your sister.

On the other hand you don't really have the $ if you would have to cancel your trip to give it to her. Why don't you tell her that you don't have the $ right now, but that if it's literally life or death (with the idea that she explain) you are there for her.

If you knew she needed $2000 to stay alive, my guess is that you would do it, whereas if it was just to get a new outfit, you would not cancel your spring break for that.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure if this would help, but would letting her borrow 1K and then she would try other means of getting money help? If you went that route, could you do your planned spring break vacation?

[Anonymous]

Op again. Im guessing it's for her astronomical rent she pays. I'll ask her today. Like I said she has been there for us in the past when she lent us $ with no questions. So I feel hypocritical not just giving it to her. However even now, that's a lot of $ for us and this vacation is our first as a family in awhile. I feel so stupid comparing the two. I'm really torn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure if this would help, but would letting her borrow 1K and then she would try other means of getting money help? If you went that route, could you do your planned spring break vacation?

Maybe. This is a good idea. But if it's for rent then I don't know what else she would do. She's sort of a self isolating person and I don't know who she could ask for $.

[Anonymous]

It would all depend on the reason to me. If I were single, I'd give it. But I don't know if I'd subject my family to hardship to lend money to someone. Unless it was a good reason. What if it's for a down payment on a car, but she could wait three or four months to get one? Then no. But what if it meant she'd be homeless without it? Then yes, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure if this would help, but would letting her borrow 1K and then she would try other means of getting money help? If you went that route, could you do your planned spring break vacation?

Maybe. This is a good idea. But if it's for rent then I don't know what else she would do. She's sort of a self isolating person and I don't know who she could ask for $.

I would do the 1k & still take your trip. She can work something out with her landlord.

[Anonymous]

I would say, "sorry we just can't afford it."

[Anonymous]

Give her the money. You can go on a summer vacation instead of a spring vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "sorry we just can't afford it."

Everything in me wants to say this. Also because she literally does not take an interest in anything in my life and then texts both my husband and myself at midnight to ask for $. But I feel like I can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have encountered the same problem but through high school/college graduation invitations being sent to me in the mail by family members I have never met before or have rarely seen in years.
Very strange.
Odd.

Asking your sister to borrow money to pay your rent and sending your second cousin a high school graduation announcement are not even remotely the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "sorry we just can't afford it."

I want to. Especially since I feel like she takes zero interest in having a real relationship with me and does not reciprocate when I try to extend myself to her. And also because she randomly texts both my husband and myself at midnight asking for cash. But I feel like to say no would be harsh.

[Anonymous]

Oops. Somehow my post deleted itself and so I tried to post again. Well now you really get how I feel. ?