In laws missed flight to Florida- just gave up on going...

[Anonymous]

I feel like something more is going on here and I'm not sure how to proceed. They were supposed to fly to Florida for a month on Saturday, like they do every winter. Dh has been really busy at work and forgot they were leaving. They called once on Saturday and he called them back on Monday. Apparently MIL had a stomach bug so they couldn't fly and now they're just not going. FIL is 81 and going deaf. My only guess is that he called to try to change their flight but couldn't hear so couldn't figure out a solution. Is this just what starts happening to elderly people or is there something I should be doing? Obvs I told them to call ME next time something like this comes up but is that enough? Obvs they are not local or this would all be much easier.

[Anonymous]

Travelling may be starting to be more than they can handle. My dad started to not be able to handle it as he got closer to 80. I found their health can change pretty quickly around that age, and general ill health makes things like travel difficult for them to manage. Sorry, op

[Anonymous]

I've had a few stomach bugs. One I recovered pretty well in a day or two. Once was so bad I felt awful for well over a week. If you MIL is elderly, recovering from an illness might take a lot of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Travelling may be starting to be more than they can handle. My dad started to not be able to handle it as he got closer to 80. I found their health can change pretty quickly around that age, and general ill health makes things like travel difficult for them to manage. Sorry, op

+1
I think the trip is taking more than they have.

[Anonymous]

81, and you're surprised by any of this?

My FIL is very slowly and grumpily dying in the hospital at 84. He couldn't travel for years before that.

I think you need to support them in whatever you think they can realistically do, instead of pushing them to travel.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents stopped travelling in their 80's. It was physically too tiring for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like something more is going on here and I'm not sure how to proceed. They were supposed to fly to Florida for a month on Saturday, like they do every winter. Dh has been really busy at work and forgot they were leaving. They called once on Saturday and he called them back on Monday. Apparently MIL had a stomach bug so they couldn't fly and now they're just not going. FIL is 81 and going deaf. My only guess is that he called to try to change their flight but couldn't hear so couldn't figure out a solution. Is this just what starts happening to elderly people or is there something I should be doing? Obvs I told them to call ME next time something like this comes up but is that enough? Obvs they are not local or this would all be much easier.

Why should they call YOU when they have a son ? It's obvs you don't like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like something more is going on here and I'm not sure how to proceed. They were supposed to fly to Florida for a month on Saturday, like they do every winter. Dh has been really busy at work and forgot they were leaving. They called once on Saturday and he called them back on Monday. Apparently MIL had a stomach bug so they couldn't fly and now they're just not going. FIL is 81 and going deaf. My only guess is that he called to try to change their flight but couldn't hear so couldn't figure out a solution. Is this just what starts happening to elderly people or is there something I should be doing? Obvs I told them to call ME next time something like this comes up but is that enough? Obvs they are not local or this would all be much easier.

Why should they call YOU when they have a son ? It's obvs you don't like them.

Really? I don't get that at all. I see that the OP does like her in-laws, saw that her husband wasn't available to help for whatever reason, and so is making herself available to help in the future.

Can you ask MIL how she is feeling and if she still wants to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like something more is going on here and I'm not sure how to proceed. They were supposed to fly to Florida for a month on Saturday, like they do every winter. Dh has been really busy at work and forgot they were leaving. They called once on Saturday and he called them back on Monday. Apparently MIL had a stomach bug so they couldn't fly and now they're just not going. FIL is 81 and going deaf. My only guess is that he called to try to change their flight but couldn't hear so couldn't figure out a solution. Is this just what starts happening to elderly people or is there something I should be doing? Obvs I told them to call ME next time something like this comes up but is that enough? Obvs they are not local or this would all be much easier.

With my parents I found that once they were in their 80s, everything gradually became more difficult and exhausting for them, whether it was travelling or recovering from an illness (or in your case, maybe even making a flight change proved to be more frustrating than they could manage or deep down they were happy to have an excuse not to go). I would take this as a sign that they probably need more assistance than they may be willing to let on, and your DH needs to be more active about keeping up with them, speaking to them on the phone more frequently to check in and see if they are still functioning well on their own, or if they might need someone coming to the house on a regular basis to help with cleaning or meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like something more is going on here and I'm not sure how to proceed. They were supposed to fly to Florida for a month on Saturday, like they do every winter. Dh has been really busy at work and forgot they were leaving. They called once on Saturday and he called them back on Monday. Apparently MIL had a stomach bug so they couldn't fly and now they're just not going. FIL is 81 and going deaf. My only guess is that he called to try to change their flight but couldn't hear so couldn't figure out a solution. Is this just what starts happening to elderly people or is there something I should be doing? Obvs I told them to call ME next time something like this comes up but is that enough? Obvs they are not local or this would all be much easier.

With my parents I found that once they were in their 80s, everything gradually became more difficult and exhausting for them, whether it was travelling or recovering from an illness (or in your case, maybe even making a flight change proved to be more frustrating than they could manage or deep down they were happy to have an excuse not to go). I would take this as a sign that they probably need more assistance than they may be willing to let on, and your DH needs to be more active about keeping up with them, speaking to them on the phone more frequently to check in and see if they are still functioning well on their own, or if they might need someone coming to the house on a regular basis to help with cleaning or meals.

I think this is it. They are in denial about the fact that they need to slow down. I think dh and I need to make a plan to make sure we are doing as pp suggests. (Means I need to step up since dh is a good son but prob can't do it all). Also! I do like them and they me. And I am not pushing them to travel. They claim to want to! The latest update is that they are planning to drive which I flat out told them is not a good idea. Talked to SIL and we will try to get them new flights. -OP

[Anonymous]

My ILs used to do a winter trip to Florida every year. One year they decided it was too much for them, and it marked a sharp decline in their health and general functioning. It retrospect, it was clear that the decision not to go was significant, but at the time, we just thought they were recovering from various minor illnesses and they'd go the next year. Nope.

Sorry to be a downer, but the PP who said your DH needs to start keeping closer track of them is onto something, I think.

[Anonymous]

Oh fuck I'm only in my 50's and already find all that traveling etc. crap a huge pain in the ass. I guess I'm 30 years ahead of my time.

[Anonymous]

There is a saying that you go to Florida in your 60s and you go home in your 80s. My folks had a wonderful retirement splitting their time between Cape Cod and naples until two years ago at age 92 when my Mom need a pin put in her other hip. It took seven of us who were in the area to celebrate her birthday to get them into a lifecare setting. So far they are in an independent unit, but it is good to have the services there as needed. Even my Dad who grumbles about being there finds relief in not being so responsible for her, and she looks good, eats well for the first time in a few years. We all held our breath the six+ months they were in Florida wondering what one would do if something happened there. At 80 it is good to keep more tabs on them and I would suggest that maybe DH go and visit on his own for a long weekend as he knows them best and will be the one to get the legal paper work in place to be able to assist as needed.