Those with children, did your relationship with in-laws change after kids were born?

[Anonymous]

Expecting my first, and have never clicked with in-laws. I've tried everything under the sun but they don't like me. I've accepted it and try not to let their little jabs bother me. Everyone has told me the relationship with in-laws got so much better after the grandchildren came. Is this true? They have shown no interest so far. But Ive got my fingers crossed!

[Anonymous]

ILs have always treated me well, it didn't change with children (they were already grandparents when we met).

My parents, on the other hand, backed off a little bit from their usual overly controlling manner. Just a tiny little bit, but it was a relief. They must have realized that I wasn't a kid anymore.

[Anonymous]

Mine did. I saw how self involved my MIL is, and how everything is about her. She has maybe babysat for us once. That about sums it up.

DC are now old enough to see for themselves, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

I would say yes, the relationship got better because my kids love their grandparents and their grandparents love them, which made me appreciate my in laws so much more.

[Anonymous]

Give it a year. First time grandparents can be a little off kilter until they remember what babies are really like. How's your DH at managing them? He needs to be on point setting expectations. If they can go with the flow and follow your lead, your relationship with them can get a lot better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I would say yes, the relationship got better because my kids love their grandparents and their grandparents love them, which made me appreciate my in laws so much more.

I've always had a great relationship with my MIL, but this sums up how my relationship with my FIL changed. He has a somewhat prickly and difficult personality, but my kids love him, and he adores them.

[Anonymous]

It was the relationship with my parents that suffered when kids came along. 4 years later we're getting back to a good place. My in-laws have been fine all along. FWIW, they were already grandparents, whereas mine were not.

[Anonymous]

Our relationship got better. I attribute it to being too busy with the kids for us to pay a lot of attention to each other, really wanting my children to have a relationship with them which necessitated seeing them and not being critical of them in front of the kids, and as ridiculous as they can otherwise be they love my kids and my kids love them. I've had to suck it up a lot, though. They probably are also doing more to be accommodating because they want to be with the kids.

[Anonymous]

ours got worse. inlaws were really possessive over our kids (their first grand children).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ours got worse. inlaws were really possessive over our kids (their first grand children).

same here. Before the kids MIL just ignored me, but after DCs were born she started actively competing with me. I can't stand her.

[Anonymous]

Very strained relationship with MIL. She had hardly been present in our lives for many years. Get pregnant, and all the sudden she wants to be here all the time, all up in our business, talking about how she's going to visit "her baby" every other weekend, on and on. It got worse once the baby came. Was absolutely suffocating--and for two new parents trying to figure things out and are introverted by nature, having this overwhelming (and utterly effing clueless) personality decide she's going to be smack in the middle of our lives was just too much.

My husband had to put a halt to it, even though it hurt him very much to do so. MIL blames it all on me, it's very difficult for DH to listen to her badmouth me every time she calls. We see her maybe once a year.

My relationship with FIL was just fine before the kid. WE see him a little bit more frequently than before, but really nothing has changed.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Relationship was so-so before, but deteriorated rapidly after DS. MIL showed no interest in him as a baby, but when he got to be a toddler, she took a turn thru crazy town & decided that we were 'unfit parents' for being so 'controlling' and set out on a mission over the years to show us how to be more laid back.

On various rare babysitting stints she has: lowered DS into a neighbor's construction dumpster filled with lead paint, rusted nails & asbestos tiles to scrounge for art supplies, left him alone in her basement for hours as a toddler to play with mouse droppings, lost him for at least two hrs in the woods near the canal in the dark without calling anyone for help, etc. etc. He survived, of course, but had the unpleasant task of having to get extra blood tests, shots, etc.

We have vowed that she will never be allowed to see him unsupervised again. To this day, she insists that it was all a way for him to have more freedom & creativity. She will never admit to having made bad choices, because she needs to always be right, no matter who pays the price.

I refuse to speak w MIL at this point as I cannot guarantee I will be polite; DH & DS have extremely limited interactions with her (Facetime calls only, maybe 3-4 times per year).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I would say yes, the relationship got better because my kids love their grandparents and their grandparents love them, which made me appreciate my in laws so much more.

+1 before kids I could barely tolerate them but they are great grandparents and have been very generous with their time and money so I have come to appreciate them a lot. They sometimes still annoy the crap outta me but I am a lot more Zen about it than I used to be.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, it got worse for me. I could tolerate rare visits before because we'd be out of the house doing things, but now they want to come every 4-6 weeks and it's way too much. DH tries to manage it because he hates their visits too, but also wants them to have a relationship with DD.