Reaching out to family for help
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Anonymous
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My DH and I have hit a really rough patch over the last year and a half. We have tried to get above water but I just feel like it's one set back after another. Our we have two kids 1yr and 2.5. They are still young enough to not know too much but I know they feel the stress.
We've had job losses, medical needs for me and my my DD that have just drained us in so many ways. My brother is my only living relative and they are doing quite well bit they have 3 kids of their own and I just can't ask them for help. I have never got aling with my in laws. And they have never offered support of any kind to us. Even when my DD and I were in the hospital they never visited. Called. Nothing. My DH wants to ask them if we can stay with them for awhile. This would break my heart but deep down I known it would alleviate some burdens. Its not a pride issue. Trust me. Its more that they are so judgemental and if they said no. No to our children I feel that would be the last thing to break me in half. And I am trying so hard to hold on to everything. I just need someone to tell me it will all be OK. That we will be fine. |
Anonymous
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Is there any other source of help? A best friend? Public assistance?
I know people hate on welfare and food stamps, but I'd turn there first before I moved in with my brothers. And I'm very close with two of them. I just would not want to ever burden our relationship with the strain of having an entire family move in when I haven't exhausted all other possible sources of relief. |
Anonymous
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It's not clear from your post if your DH wants to ask your brother or his parents for you to move in. Whoever it is, consider two things:
1. You need to have an exit strategy for leaving their house. How will you afford to move out? Where will you go? When will you go? There needs to be an end date. 2. It is a HUGE imposition to move two babies into someone's house. Even if they have kids. I'd sooner give you $10k than let two babies move into my house, and I have two of my own. |
Anonymous
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What about down sizing first? Apartment instead of a house? Section 8?
Is your problem strictly financial? Does either one of you work? What are your bills like? |
Anonymous
| If you have a good relationship, ask your brother. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely not. You ask for nothing. If they want to help, they would. You downsize you housing, even to a one bedroom apartment. You apply for gov't benefits if neither one of you is working, etc. Take 2-3 jobs. Do not ask. Your child is your priority but it is not their responsibility. Its also a lot to ask that four people move in. One person is reasonable, 3 is not. |
Anonymous
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We downsized last year to a one bedroom apt. We were renting so thankful for not having a mortgage. We don't qualify for asst. And I had to stop working when cancer returned. And my DD has leukemia. My DH was let go.
Trust me moving in with my in laws isn't something I ever WANT or would CHOOSE to do pp. In my op I meant Im close with my brother and would ask for help but I dont want to burden them. My DH wants to ask his parents if we can stay with them. They are retired and have a huge house. That's his reasoning. |
Anonymous
| Do everything to avoid asking for help. Sell the house, rent a room if needed, |
Anonymous
No house to sell or any rooms to rent. |
Anonymous
If you have no income because neither of you is working and you don't own a home (so no significant assets), how do you not qualify for assistance? |
Anonymous
I'm so sorry for your situation op!! How do you not qualify for assistance? I would ask his parents for help. Move in with them. Any grandparent should want to help their grandchildren. |
Anonymous
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Move in with the inlaws. I know it's hard but try to make it work with them for your kids.
If they say no, do not let it break you. It's just an obvious closed door for a reason. So be thankful as another door will open. I'm so sorry for your hard time op. Can you ask for help at a church? |
Anonymous
| I would tell your husband to go ahead and ask his parents, but the two of you should negotiate a timeline so you won't feel trapped with them forever. I would also reach out to your brother and outline everything you said here. You don't have to ask directly, but just put it out there. I don't have a lot, but I would certainly offer to help a family member or close friend in your situation. But I also wouldn't want to presume that you were struggling financially if you didn't tell me. I would also reach out to friends and acquaintances, your faith community if you have one, at least to help your DH get a new job. There's no shame in sharing your situation, and many people want opportunities to share what they have. All the best to you OP, you are in a hard situation. |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry, OP. I hope you and your daughter get better.
Seems like your in-laws have more capacity. Is your DH an only child? How is HIS relationship with them? Do they live nearby or would you be relocating to go stay with them? |
Anonymous
| OP, ask for help if you need it. PPs have probably never been in your situation. Move in with your in-laws and if that doesn't work out ask your brother for help. Also consider a GoFundMe page. You are going through more than anyone should have to go through, it is ok to need some help now to get through this situation. |