Ever had a relative try to "rewrite history"?

[Anonymous]

In their favor?

Do you correct them, to family, or let it go - because that person will eventually be found out?

This is a relative that wants to be seen in a much (MUCH) better light than reality - as a sort of "savior" to family members, financially and otherwise. IRL, that family member *drained* every last one. If I said it wasn't maddening to find out the truth, I would be lying.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My mother. She has a personality disorder. Will flat out say:

-That didn't happen
-I never said that
-I didn't do that
etc

[Anonymous]

My mother has done some massive editing but I think she has had a really hard life and I just don't get worked up over it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Yes,, you cannot reason with the unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

My brother. Others have suggested bipolar, but I'm thinking more severe - borderline personality disorder fits him to a T (but of course he thinks he's convinced everyone otherwise, including himself).

Distance, ignore, and move on with my own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother has done some massive editing but I think she has had a really hard life and I just don't get worked up over it anymore.

+1, my mother as well. She absolutely had a totally shit childhood, however anything and everything unpleasant that happens to her now is someone doing her wrong or her being victimized. She almost never takes responsibility for anything, even in situations where she was very clearly the cause of her own problem.

I still occasionally get worked up about it and just can't take it but most of the time I just let it go.

[Anonymous]

My mother.

It's hard to know exactly how to deal with it when idiocy, bad memory, and deliberate re-writing collide.

[Anonymous]

You mean like gaslighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In their favor?

Do you correct them, to family, or let it go - because that person will eventually be found out?

This is a relative that wants to be seen in a much (MUCH) better light than reality - as a sort of "savior" to family members, financially and otherwise. IRL, that family member *drained* every last one. If I said it wasn't maddening to find out the truth, I would be lying.

Found out by whom? The family members who they swindled? They probably already know.

As PP said, you can't reason with the unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I love my sister but she is bipolar, passive aggressive and dishonest. I never correct her because of the inevitable backlash but my other siblings and I all know the deal. Having siblings to commiserate with makes all the difference in living with her antics.

I think that she has actually convinced herself that a lot of her spin is true, which is probably a good thing because she is her own worst critic and has a hard time living with herself most of the time.

I wish she were honest, but her (potential) happiness is more important to me so I don't call her out on her (relatively minor) bs.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for you kind and informative responses. The relative is an alcoholic, but the relative was a "favorite" relative of the person/s the relative swindled. When reality about being "the favorite" didn't pan out, the relative rewrote history. The people the relative swindled are mostly (recently) deceased. This is all complicated, I apologize.

The favorite is trying to rewrite family history, such that the favorite is the "hero" (financially and otherwise). IRL, the favorite is a con artist, for lack of a better term. Do you think people see through this?

[Anonymous]

Yup. My ex. Takes me to court, commits provable perjury, is STILL a practicing attorney in his state. But, I have custody of our kid (thank god), and he can re-write history however he wants to. Kid can see all the court documents when he becomes an adult if he's interested.

[Anonymous]

People in the family will not necessarily see through the relative, OP. In fact, a number of family members will uphold the myths and ignore the reality because they can't handle it being any other way. There will be those who see through it, and you can gauge this in private conversations. I think narcissists are especially good at creating these weird family dynamics, if I look at my own family and my in-laws. I keep my distance and I usually talk one-on-one with family members to figure out who else besides me sees reality. The ones who won't, you can't really change their minds, so I don't say anything to them.

[Anonymous]

My mother thinks she's psychic. Her rewrites are harmless but it's like "remember how I woke up and said your sister was going to get a new job and then she did?" Um no, that didn't happen. She loves to think she's in the know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother thinks she's psychic. Her rewrites are harmless but it's like "remember how I woke up and said your sister was going to get a new job and then she did?" Um no, that didn't happen. She loves to think she's in the know.

At least it's harmless. My MIL does rewrites like telling her son he's a totally different person than who he is, making up weird crazy motivations for everything he's ever done that she doesn't agree with. She's always talking about how certain people are his best friends when he only knew them in passing 25 years ago. She insists that various nasty, abusive relatives are really saints so he isn't allowed to dislike them. She has campaigned for women she wants him to be with instead of me, because, in her rewrite of history, the only obstacle to his (and her) happiness and the only reason he won't be her puppet/servant is due to me being in the picture. She doesn't like one of our children because he cried when she tried to hold him as a baby, and made her look bad, more than a decade ago.

I'd give anything for mere psychic predictions.