Explaining to Boss that Stress level needs to be kept to a min sue to complications at 15 weeks

[Anonymous]

I am 15 1/2 weeks and started experiencing spotting and cramping this weekend, I called my OBGYN and she wanted me to go straight to the ER for a US. I thought she was being a little over reactive but hey, better safe than sorry!! So I went and they diagnosed me with a threatened miscarriage although everything is fine with the baby and me (they said sometimes this stuff happens but at 15 weeks they don't take any chances). I was informed that since I am only an admin I may return back to work but need to make it very clear to my boss and managers that my stress level needs to be kept to an absolute minimum(I have been cramping my whole pregnancy so far so they are aware that my physical limitations are very limited already). I am trying to figure out ways say it without sounding like a complete bitch to him since he constantly stresses me for BS reasons. I am also trying to suggest things that would help keep the stress level to a minimum but for some reason I am really nervous about this. I have to do it and I want to because my pregnancy is number one but has anyone else ever been through this? How did you approach it and what were your suggestions to your boss??

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I wouldn't approach it in a 'you need to help keep my stress level low' but instead brainstorm about the things that are high stress and offer alternatives for those. I'm having a hard time thinking of an example but say you put in long hours - maybe you could suggest coming in earlier so you don't have to stay late. That way any 'crisis' that has come up can be handled by you when you come in. Or, you can get remote access to email from home and promise to check it every night from home if you have had to leave early/on time.

Above all, I'd come with solutions and then the boss just has to agree. They more than likely won't be willing to sit there with you and brainstorm about ways to make your job easier...

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I would just take time off, i.e. not work at all b/c there is no way you can prevent stress from happening at work, you just never know when something stressful might come up. I would just say that I have a complication with the pregnancy and need to take a week or so off. Maybe you have vacation days you can take?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was informed that since I am only an admin I may return back to work

WTF? "only an admin" and thus your job is less stressful? Whoever told you that sounds like a real jerk. Just my two cents.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough one especially if your boss is always stressing you out. I agree with the first poster.

I would probably look for projects that you have or maybe given that can be passed onto someone else. But you still have to do your job if you can't take time off. But, you can focus on the minimum requirements for your job. Or find some new projects you can work on that aren't too stressful. Perhaps the best thing you can do is change your mentality so that you don't let things get to you.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend that you come to your boss with solutions. They may or may not know the things they do that get you stressed. You also need to take responsibility for your mental/physical health.

Not knowing your work environment or office space you might be able to do something cute that will remind people you are trying to manage stress.

Make a sign that goes on your door / desk "Stress Free Zone" - when the temperature rises - point it out to your boss with a smile.

[Anonymous]

Get your doctor to write you a note for (at home) bedrest. At least for starters...it'll buy you a week or two (see previous posts on FMLA and STD benefits if applicable).

It may not be a perfect solution, but it will send a message to your boss that this is serious. Plus, it could also buy you time to get the baby growing and more stable since m/c in the second trimester are not nearly as probable (of course, there is always a chance, but less likely).

[Anonymous]

OK I don't think a little Stress Free Zone is going to do it. Your best bet may be to get some help as to how you can handle things and stress. I don't mean to sound snarky but different people react to different things. Unless there is some concrete change in your work environment that is easy and reasonable to accomodate, then chances are nothing will change. If travel or too many work assignments are the problem, you could ask for a reduction in duties.

If the problem is that you boss stresses you out because he feels you don't do things right, gives you last minute work that needs to be done, or his personality intimidates you then the stress free zone sign is not going to work. Some people handle things one way and others get very stressed about them but you are one who controls the reaction to the situation. There could be some therapists that could help you get a better handle on your reactions and help you find ways to work smarter rather than in a panic or longer.

You may also want to have a longer discussion with your ob/gyn about what she means by stress and the affects at this point in your pregnancy. Stress is never good but at the same time usually does not have an acute affect on most stages of pregnancy. You may be getting more stressed about whether you are stressed and how stress will affect you.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to your doc. about a prognosis - is there anything you can proactively do - a prenatal yoga class to release stress, a super-duper prenatal vitamin to help the baby, etc.

Also, if the stress is impacting the pregnancy, you may want to have your blood pressure and heart rate monitored too.

[Anonymous]

Go through your HR department. I had to fill out a "certificate of pregnancy" for my job and submit it to HR. It had things like lifting and pulling weight restrictions, travel restrictions etc. My OB filled it out. After it was sent to HR it was then sent to my manager and he and I discussed it. Maybe your OB can write you a letter for your condition and emphasize the need for less stress. Use the channels you have to help you.

[Anonymous]

OP, such a tough position. Agree with the poster who said whoever said you are "just an admin" is possibly a jerk, and definitely uninformed! My admin is in a very high stress position! once a year we have an annual convention and she works very long hours and feels very personally invested in how it comes off, and there are inevitable problems. I'm not sure, as her boss, there is much that I can do about this, but if she were pregnant and trying to plan a convention, I think I'd personally try to take on some of her jobs and would ask her colleagues (my other employees) to pick up the slack, as well. Of course, we're a tiny organization and I try to treat my staff as humans -- a concept that is shockingly not uniform in the work world.

If you have a difficult boss, I think you're going to have a difficult boss while pregnant or not -- keep this in mind and work on your own ways to reduce stress. Yoga, prayer, meditation, pagan rituals, whatever it is that keeps you sane, do more of it or look for it. In the meantime, no matter what type of boss you have, it might be worthwhile to have an almost informal conversation with him / her, stating simply "I had a threatened miscarriage the other week. the baby is going to be fine, but the doctor has recommended that I make a plan to reduce my stress levels at work. I've worked out a plan that I think helps me reduce stress without reducing my performance. I've identified a few areas where I might need your help to make this happen. Are you open to working with me? I'd appreciate it so much -- this baby is so important to me, but so is my work!"

Someone mentioned going to HR, and I don't think this is a bad idea, but I would personally try to approach my boss first, unless you're in a big enough organization that has guidelines and procedures for this kind of thing and you really think your boss will be unresponsive to your requests.

Also agree with others that your conversation shoud be one of give and take, but should not be completely open-ended, lest you make your boss think you're saying "hey, I need less stress -- make it happen!"


One last thought, and sorry for rambling on -- less stress does not have to equal less responsibility or productivity. My first DC boss was a nightmare of a boss who would hand me an assignment with an impossible deadline, disappear for 15 minutes, hand me another assignment with an even more impossible deadline, disrupt me every 5 minutes with non-urgent matters, and would then return to my desk to say things like "where are we on the __ assignment" well before it was due. Another boss I had, years later, lacked the ability to distinguish between emergencies and just a change of plans. In both cases, I had to take it on myself to tackle their personalities as part of my job. With the first, it was a matter of getting the guts to say (tactfully) that if a new assignment was going to supercede my doing a previous assignment because of changing priorities, he needed to say so. Otherwise, I was handling assignments chronologically or according to their original deadlines. With the second boss, I simply had to learn to judge for myself what was truly urgent and what was an overreaction. It's not easy...but it made things easier on me in the long run. Recognize, however, that some bosses are just so impossible that you can't win. I hope this isn't the case for you, and you can work something out.

Oh, and I hope your pregnancy continues to recover and you have fewer worries in the future and a healthy baby at the end. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Get a note for medical leave until the coast is clear - they can hire a temp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a note for medical leave until the coast is clear - they can hire a temp.

I agree 100% and I'm in HR. You need to go on medical leave STAT!