Can men with SAHWs ever be fair to working moms reporting to them?

[Anonymous]

After yet another appalling comment from someone superior to me, I am going to avoid this type of boss going forward.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe they can (OP of the sick kid/sick day thread).

[Anonymous]

No. Partly because I don't think they truly understand and appreciate how their SAH spouse does 90% of the doctors appts, school closures and heavy lifting. And partly because they're frustrated that they're choosing to forgo a 2nd income for the convenience of a SAH spouse and wish you did too.

[Anonymous]

Of course. You got a jerk. Most people aren't jerks, though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course. You got a jerk. Most people aren't jerks, though!

Wrong. Even nice men with SAHWs are influenced by their biases.

[Anonymous]

The answer to your question is "of course."

But I'll take the bait and ask what the "appalling comment" was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer to your question is "of course."

But I'll take the bait and ask what the "appalling comment" was.

When someone else dropped the ball, and before he had a grasp of what had gone wrong, asked if I had screwed up because of my home obligations. I had been in the office until midnight the night before.

[Anonymous]

Can they? Yes. In my experience, though, there tends to be a higher percentage of men with SAHWs that are the conservative, women should be at home with the kids and have my dinner waiting for me type.

Most with SAHWs aren't like that but the ones that are, oh boy, avoid avoid avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe they can (OP of the sick kid/sick day thread).

I almost never stay home with sick kid. It's totally in the mind of my bosses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can they? Yes. In my experience, though, there tends to be a higher percentage of men with SAHWs that are the conservative, women should be at home with the kids and have my dinner waiting for me type.

Most with SAHWs aren't like that but the ones that are, oh boy, avoid avoid avoid.

Yeah I would say there's an exception for the ones hoping their wives are going back to work soon.

[Anonymous]

I think it's more personality based. When I had small kids my most family unfriendly boss was married to a very powerful woman, although to be fair he married her when her kids were teens so didn't totally understand small children. My best boss had a SAHW and he was totally flexible. I repaid that by working really hard to never let him down.

[Anonymous]

I had one once and it was interesting. I work with three who have sahw and I think they are simply just relieved and thankful for it when situations like sick kids and snow days come up. They certainly value that I am there and have never expressed irritation if I've had to leave or juggle urgent care stuff.

[Anonymous]

They can! I've had three. One had a lawyer-wife who went back to work for a while, but then did SAH. Another had a lawyer-wife who never went back to the office. The third had a wife who was always SAH. All three have been totally supportive. It seems that I've been quite lucky!!! Sadly, this should be the norm, not the exception.

[Anonymous]

No, not at all OP. I work with guys my same age and a lot have SAHMs. They think women are there to do their laundry, cook, clean, keep their lives on track and make sure the kids turn out ok.

[Anonymous]

Abusive bosses often overwork themselves and therefore expect others to do the same. This can happen with single women bosses, married men with SAHM wives, etc. I've had both.

So you need to get a feel for the hours the boss works. If it's 70-80 hours routinely, you might not want to take the job, unless you thrive in that type of environment.