Tattling: right way to handle?

[Anonymous]

5.5 yo DD does this more than other kids I have observed.

What is the right way to respond to it - in the sense that, I want her to feel comfortable telling me/teachers things, especially when there is dangerous/bullying behavior going on, but also teach her to try to handle things herself and not get ostracized within her social circle. I also feel that she does it to be the good girl or get attention sometimes, which I want to manage. TIA!

[Anonymous]

Ask her each time if it is a problem she can solve on her own.

Each time, roleplay with her the words she can use to solve the problem.

[Anonymous]

Unless it's directly affecting you, I don't want to hear it.

[Anonymous]

Well, my kid would hit when frustrated socially, so I wanted him to tell me. As he got more self control, we worked out a system of problem solving first, then getting an adult. We'd role play that a lot. The only exception to this is name calling or hitting. I think adults should mediate that, to cut potential bullying behavior off.

[Anonymous]

Is someone being hurt (physically or not). If yes, my response is "thank you for reporting this" (I don't use word tattle). If no, I ask, " whose business is it?"

[Anonymous]

I liked someone's response on an earlier thread about this--ask your kid if she's telling you this to stop a problem or create a problem. If someone (including her) is being hurt or is at risk of being hurt, then it's not tattling. If no one is being hurt, it's just that someone isn't being nice or isn't following a non-safety-related rule, then I'm happy to talk about ways that she could handle it herself or help her figure out a solution, but she has to handle it herself.