Resent in-laws visits - vent

[Anonymous]

My BIl, his wife and kids live a couple of hours away. They have family near our town so they visit very often and always request to be hosted by us. I have a family member who requires around the clock care (DH) so as nice as it is to have company, it tends to throw my routine off. I also have to do a major cleaning after they leave which ends up wearing me out.

We have a no food policy upstairs and certain areas of our ground floor which they don't respect. They won't help with cooking or cleaning the dishes yet they want to have dinner "early." I could write a whole book about things that upset me everytime they visit but the major one is the fact that they never bring anything with them like food for the kids etc so they always end up cleaning our pantry.
They are always munching!

This is more of a vent but how would you handle this?

[Anonymous]

There are a few options. I'd probably agree to host once a year and otherwise let them stay with their other relatives whom they're visiting. While they're here, I'd assign chores - you're in charge of dinner today and lunch tomorrow; hey, could you load up the dishes?; while I'm sweeping up after the kids eats, could you throw in a load of towels? thanks!

That kind of thing. If they huff & puff, let them know what you're happy to see them but you've already got your hands full caring for the kids, your husband, and the household - you can't wait on them too. If they protest, they're jerks and you're better off seeing less of them IMO.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Hugs, OP.
So DH's brother is doing this? DH hates it or does he love the company and you as the wife and cook are getting the brunt of it? DH needs to know how much of a burden this has become. It's too much. I don't know the best way out of it but BIL is crossing a line.

[Anonymous]

Next time they "request" to be hosted, just politely say no. It's the only solution if they're so clueless/impolite.

"Oh, hi Bill, I'm sorry, but things are tough around here these days with DH's illness and we won't be able to host anymore. Have a wonderful visit - maybe we can meet you out for brunch while you're here."

It's sad how some people will take advantage of the generosity of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Hugs, OP.
So DH's brother is doing this? DH hates it or does he love the company and you as the wife and cook are getting the brunt of it? DH needs to know how much of a burden this has become. It's too much. I don't know the best way out of it but BIL is crossing a line.

DH hates it. We both don't mind the company but it stresses both of us.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand these posts. How old are you op?


Have you ever thought of telling them that you cant host them? Adults speak up and deal. Try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand these posts. How old are you op?


Have you ever thought of telling them that you cant host them? Adults speak up and deal. Try it.

Np here! MOVE ALONG & DONT BE A BITCH! Try it!!!!

[Anonymous]

How and to whom is the request made? I really think you need to decline the next time they ask. Have a plan of action and follow through. Easier said than done, I know.

[Anonymous]

I'd just tell them "Sorry, but I'm not able to host you due to all the extra work it takes, on top of my usual routine. I'm sure you understand."

Don't go into details, don't give reasons. Just say no sorry and then STOP TALKING. They are USING you. I'm not sure why they need to stay over. I used to live in NY and we'd drive two hours to my aunt's house in Jersey in the morning, and then drive the two hours back home after dinner. We never slept over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just tell them "Sorry, but I'm not able to host you due to all the extra work it takes, on top of my usual routine. I'm sure you understand."

Don't go into details, don't give reasons. Just say no sorry and then STOP TALKING. They are USING you. I'm not sure why they need to stay over. I used to live in NY and we'd drive two hours to my aunt's house in Jersey in the morning, and then drive the two hours back home after dinner. We never slept over.

"Due to all the extra work it takes" is giving a reason... And also rude. I'd go with, we aren't in a position to host right now bc of DHs illness ... Otherwise you may need to have a full conversation.

[Anonymous]

I'd just be honest when you aren't up for hosting them the next time they plan to come. They may be under the impression that you enjoy the visits because you haven't said anything.

[Anonymous]

Say no to hosting them. Invite them to visit for a couple hours.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you for reading my vent and for your kind words of wisdom. I feel very empowered!

[Anonymous]

They "request". You can say "No".

[Anonymous]

You have the best excuse in the world..and it's not even an excuse it's a legitimate valid reason to say "no" (although you don't even need a reason, it's your home). Just tell them that with your husband's care needs and everything else going on right now you need to have a hiatus on visits. You can say something like we can maybe have occasional visits in the future but they may need to be shorter and I will need help from you to keep the house running.