video game addiiction?

[Anonymous]

DS age 11 loves video games - mostly xbox sports games, but games on our family laptop and his kindle as well. He is only allowed non-school related screen time on Fri - Sun, and he gets ~ 1 hour per each of those days (so 3 hours per week total). He plays soccer, takes karate classes, and plays the sax - he is also a good and engaged student. So what's the problem?

I feel like notwithstanding his restricted screen time, he is addicted to video games and computer time generally. I don't have a problem with the amount of time he is getting, but I have a problem with his "need" for it - when he gets home from school on Fridays, he barely says hello before calling "I get to use my screen time" and running into the basement to play fifa on the xbox. When he wakes up Saturday morning, same thing - playing on the xbox is the very first thing he wants to do when he gets up. If he have to head out of the house for an activity, errand, whatever on Sat morning, then the minute we return he runs off to play xbox, so it was clearly on his mind the whole time. If he is at a friend's house over the weekend and he hasn't used his screen time yet that day, he will get home and race into the basement to play xbox - and if he is playing xbox and a friend calls, he doesn't want to stop playing to take the call (both of which really concern me because it feels like he prefers the video games to hanging out with friends). When he is playing xbox or a game on the computer, it is impossible to get his attention, and he can barely hold a conversation.

If he has a project for school, he is so much more enthusiastic if he is doing it on the computer, and he spends a lot of time just looking for related videos, fixing the graphics, etc. rather than focusing on the meat of the project.

He is always looking for "excuses" during the week why he needs to go on the laptop (e.g., school related, to "show me a project" he is working on, although if I ask him to talk about it instead of showing it to me on the laptop, he's not interested any longer).

His friends all like xbox, too, but they don't seem to place the same premium on playing as he does - it is the first thing he suggests doing when a friend comes over, whereas often his friends would rather shoot hoops or something first and just casually play later.

I don't understand the "need" here, and I'm worried that if I were not imposing these limits, he would play xbox every day. Any ideas on how I can help him put video games, etc. in perspective?

[Anonymous]

The "need" has been generated by the limitations. I would guess that his friends aren't limited as much, so they don't see it as something they really need to do all the time.

Why don't you try an experiment on yourself? Only allow yourself 3 hours per week on your computer/phone/laptop/screen. How do you feel?

[Anonymous]

It's because he doesn't get to do it much. I am not arguing with that approach but of course he's going to rush to it when he has the opportunity. What do you like to do every day? Cup of coffee, maybe? Try limiting that to one day and see how fast you run for it when it's your day.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think it's addiction. My DS acts the same way yours does, and he has more time to play video games. His limits are about 45 min. Mon through fri. And a out 2.5 hours per day on the weekend. Big brother has same limits but isn't as I to it.

is this too much? They don't watch any tv, and rarely choose to watch movies.

[Anonymous]

Our DC, age 10, has the same "need" and it is disconcerting. In our case, our DC will, in fact, get stuck inside the screen for as long as we allow it, and still complain when we ask him to stop. He will also sneak time when we do put on reasonable limits such as you have to finish your homework first. In fact, if there were no limits, he would do little else. If your child is not like that, be grateful. Ours has ADHD, and that makes it a lot worse. I have no suggestions though; we are working on it.

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old is exactly the same way. He is only allowed screen time Friday - Sunday. As soon as he gets home from school on Friday he immediately gets his Kindle. I had to implement a time rule for Saturday and Sunday because he'd wake up at 7am, before anyone else, and immediately start playing his Kindle. No TV, no breakfast, nothing. Straight to the couch with his Kindle. He also has a PS4 but most of his time is spent playing games on his Kindle.

I actually don't have strict guidelines for how much time he can spend on his allowed days which I think is where I'm lacking. I really need to implement a time limit rule. If allowed my son would do nothing all weekend but play video games. On Saturday mornings as soon as he gets home from soccer practice it's straight to his Kindle. If we go out anywhere, it's straight to Kindle when we get back home.

OP you are not alone, trust me.

[Anonymous]

I have a littler kid in 1st grade, but we allow gaming time during the week up to 1 hour per day. Of course this does not interfere with homework, because there is no homework and our child is not in aftercare so 1 hour doesn't amount to much.

I don't plan on restricting this stuff to weekends only because that seems overly strict. Your child is 11. Can you try to see if he is more responsible?

Maybe tell him that starting this weekend, he needs to help decide what a reasonable limit is. Ask him to log when he plays games, and look at the results together on Sunday night. Ask him if he thinks it's too much. See if he tries to police it himself. He may be able to play 30 minutes each weeknight after he finishes his homework, and that may curb his urgency. It may surprise you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "need" has been generated by the limitations. I would guess that his friends aren't limited as much, so they don't see it as something they really need to do all the time.

Why don't you try an experiment on yourself? Only allow yourself 3 hours per week on your computer/phone/laptop/screen. How do you feel?

Ha ha ha... depends on the kid.
I knew a parent who wanted to do that experiment... let the kid OD on video games and then should just decide to do other things on their own eventually.
The parents gave up after 11 hours...

[Anonymous]

I posted on this recently on the Special Needs Forum b/c DS has recently been diagnosed ADHD and the ped. told us no screen time during the week. That went over like an atomic bomb!

We are on day 4 and the addiction has lessened but I do believe it was and is an addiction. Those games require kids to do repetitive motions and attend to many stimuli at the same time... every once in awhile they get a "reward" and then the kids have to do the motions over and over and over and then get another little "reward" on the screen. It strikes me that it is very much like those lab studies with rats where they have them press a level and give them a food pellet every now and then ... and the rats keep pressing the level so long as they get a reward once in awhile.

Our kids are the rats in this analogy!

Someone on that thread posted a link to a TED talk by Dr. Dimitri Christakos (?) and it was fascinating. It focuses more on the zero to 3 age range and the enormous brain development in that time, but it still applies to older kids b/c their brains are paring down the many neural connections they've made and making some of those connections very efficient (like highways rather than side streets). I am now thinking about the things my kids watch on tv (fast paced shows vs. slower, more life-like shows) as well as which games they can play (which ones require superficial attention to many stimuly vs. which ones have fewer stimuli but more strategy required).

I am willing to find a middle ground. i.e. 15 min. of approved games/weeknight in return for 15 min. of reading quality books or something that requires sustained attention.

I think we will find out in 10-20 years that our kids were the guinea pigs and they have no patience for real life, developing stories or sustained concentration (unless it involves video games).

I suggest you watch the TED video and look at his research. I also came across a youtube video called IRL and IRL 2. About gaming addiction. I will probably have my kids watch it.

If your kids are pretty involved in sports or clubs or real life, and they can read real books, then I wouldn't be too worried about the games. But, mine aren't and weren't and so they won't be doing a lot of games and fast paced cartoons/shows that are very stimulating.

[Anonymous]

LEVER --- not level.

[Anonymous]

My 10 yr old DS is the same. We have talked about "addictions", and how addictions are addressed, ie, cutting it off. I told him if I think he's addicted to video games, he will be cut off cold turkey.

I told him that he needs to show he has other interests, go a whole day without playing video games.

I get that at this age, and as tweens, their interests are very limited, especially for boys that are not interested in athletics. But, for me, I don't want him to spend his entire free time on video games.

[Anonymous]

My 11yo is similar although he is just a screen addict, not so much video games. We took away non-school use of screens on weekdays and it's been torture. Now he does not want to do ANYTHING other than watching TV or Youtube videos (mostly people playing video games, how insane is that?)

I honestly feel like we need some kind of intervention. Every attempt to turn off a screen is met with resistance (if not from him from his younger brother, who is in 1st grade and can whine/wail incessantly about this.)

[Anonymous]

I see two things. One, he is reaching for the forbidden fruit, and, two, he really likes computers. From your comment about how he enjoys manipulating graphics and such he may even have an aptitude naturally for using the computer as a design tool. Or he could learn to code. Really, it is not all bad.

I suggest easing the restrictions. I personally do not limit screen time at all because I believe it generates a healthier relationship with technology.

[Anonymous]

Glad to stumble upon this thread.
My DS is 11, and totally addicted to screens/video games. His behavior is that of an addict. He lies, he's secretive, he cannot stop himself from playing a video game once he starts.
I tried the "let him play until he's sick of it" route, but that was a complete failure. He would play video games all day and all night, so that experiment ended quickly.
Once, when I accidentally left myself logged on, he snuck downstairs and played video games all night!
Now, I've limited his computer time to 30 minutes a day, and he has to use that time for homework. If he doesn't use if for homework, he gets no extra computer time, and his homework doesn't get done.
Fortunately, he does care about getting his homework done, so he uses his computer time for homework. But he's found ways around it. Just a couple days ago, he tricked DH into giving him extra time on the computer when I wasn't around to warn DH about his tricks (he did it to me a while ago too!), so he ended up spending hours on the computer playing video games.
My child is so addicted that even though we've blocked access to all video game sites, he's found out about a Google game played with images from Google (Atari something?), a shooting game, that he plays for hours whenever we accidentally give him computer access (he'll go on his sister's account if she leaves the room, for example).
I heard on NPR that the part of the brain stimulated by video games is the same part that is stimulated by addictions to drugs and alcohol.
This really does not bode well for my child. DH's mother, cousin and several aunts are all alcoholics, and we know alcoholism has a genetic component. I've talked to DS about this, but at age 11, I'm not sure what, if anything, it means to him. He's seen his stupefied grandmother, so knows what alcohol does to a person, but he can't stop himself from playing video games, so we're keeping him away from them as best we can.
He does sports, plays an instrument and has other interests (clubs, Boy Scouts, etc.), but his biggest interest is screens (he loves videos and movies too).
I hate technology, really, really hate it. I think it's doing a real number on a lot of our kids, especially boys. His sister has no interest in screens or video games (I don't think she's ever played one). But he's hooked, and that really worries me.

[Anonymous]

Wow. A PP here. Alcoholism runs in my DH's family too. More to worry about.