Family facebook issue (I know -- just get off fb)
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Anonymous
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I have a sort-of SIL (BIL's live-in girlfriend of a couple of years that he only recently acknowledged "officially," and whom I have not met in person). She is in her mid-30s.
She delights in posting sarcastic, "funny" responses to facebook posts. Her main way of doing so is to interject something adult into a post about something my little kids are doing, by making a scatalogical or semi-pornographic reference to something. These are definitely in the tone of her own facebook posts, and in the tone of things she comments on with her friends. They like to push boundaries (Nazi jokes, for example). My posts are not of the boundary-pushing sort, and her comments change the tone of them completely. Can I block her from posting without unfriending her? Will she know if I delete her posts? She seems nice enough when we've messaged each other, and I do get the "edgy intellectual artist" thing. I don't want to cause a rift over nothing, but I also want the stuff I don't need my grandmother to read to go away. |
Anonymous
| You can control who sees your posts, by managing your friends in groups. I think there's an "acquaintnce" group you can put her into, and then default your posts for "friends except acquaintances". |
Anonymous
| She posts with the knowledge that they can be deleted. I would not hesitate to immediately delete any post of hers, or of anyone else. Explaining is what will get you into trouble. You do not owe anyone an explanation. |
Anonymous
This is a good idea. We are not a particularly close family (obviously), so I know it'll never come up that she hasn't seen anything. |
Anonymous
I have been deleting selectively. I just feel badly about it! I probably shouldn't. |
Anonymous
| I'd just delete her posts that are not appropriate vs. blocking her. Don't create a family war. She will see that boyfriend and others get the pictures and she does not. |
Anonymous
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Could you private message her something like this:
"Haha Jen you are hilarious! I totally didn't see the penis in the picture Milo drew until you pointed it out! And to think it was framed and ready to go in my office. Bullet. Dodged. I'm going to have to create a separate FB category for you and my other friends so my Grandma Horn doesn't think we're drawing nudes over here. She left a 5 minute message on work voicemail asking about the penis, lol, and something about how she needs new glasses because she's never missed one before. Yes I was throwing up in my mouth a little too, praying I misunderstood. Anywho, glad to have a comedian soon to be joining the family. Love you-Amy |
Anonymous
I appreciate the subtlety of this response, but I'm pretty sure it would go right over her head! |
Anonymous
Right, but then if she ever asks why she isn't seeing your posts, then you can at least say "I told you, your hilarity was too much for the old folks!" I meant do this in addition to the excellent suggestion to make her an acquaintance and then tag your posts "no acquaintances" or however that works. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't say anything at all to her. Just quietly move her into the acquaintance category and move on. Delete anything you feel uncomfortable having on your page. Your page, your rules. She sounds pretty uncouth. |
Anonymous
She likes to do and say things for shock value. My impression of her is that she's kind of immature, but she also has a lovely side that I've encountered in one on one exchanges. My husband only has the one sibling, his mother is dead, and his dad is elderly, so I am trying to nurture this relationship a little. My husband would be very sad to have even less contact with his brother, so I really don't want to cause hurt feelings. |
Anonymous
| My guess is that she's a little different but doesn't quite understand how. If she's not really hurting anything/anyone just don't react. She might be overly sensitive to criticism and then you'll have hurt feelings everywhere. You could just be honest with her but you have to be careful not to make it seem like a personal assault on her personality. I fear that if you delete a post then she will have to imagine a reason and it will be that you hate her not that it's her own fault for being edgy. |
Anonymous
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Okay, a woman you have never actually met is commenting on your Facebook posts about your children with scatological and pornographic references.
You don't give an example but I picture something like -- You post a photo of Larla and Larlo on the playground and she comments "Why does it look like Larla is giving Larlo a blowjob?" Is that it? The best thing you can say is that she's immature and has inappropriate boundaries. Wincibly so. What I would ask is, have you brought this to your brother's attention? Does he have any reaction? In the short term, yes, you demote her to acquaintance. There is no need for her to see pix of your family. She doesn't understand the point. |
Anonymous
| Move her into your acquaintance category. If she nonetheless inappropriately comments on something, just quietly delete the comment. |
Anonymous
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Yes, I'd just block her from seeing your stuff. Every now and then, you can add her to a photo you want her to see by changing the settings of just that photo. Then delete any of her comment.
Also, if you don't respond to what she's written, no one will think you endorse it. She's embarrassing herself. You can always just delete the comment, I doubt she'd even notice. |