Would you pay for grad school (or at least help out) in this case?

[Anonymous]

My oldest child went to an instate university (this is the school she wanted to go, wasn't "settling" based on price). She will graduate this spring and plans to attend PA school. My second oldest child began UG at a private college this fall. The difference is about $18k/year. We have always told our kids they are on their own for any grad school, however I am wondering what posters think I should do regarding this situation. Would you offer the oldest child $18k/year to put towards her PA schooling?

[Anonymous]

I'd give it if I had it. With exactly that explanation.

[Anonymous]

I would. It makes it fair.

[Anonymous]

Fair does not mean equal. What was the oldest' solan for how to pay for grad school?

[Anonymous]

My parents deal with us for college/grad school was they would pay for public but if we wanted private, they would only contribute the amount equal to the lowest in state tuition rate at a similar in state public.

[Anonymous]

What is a PA school?

[Anonymous]

NP here. ^physician assistant.

OP, my concern is that your younger child might have selected private college based on the assumption that it would not affect financial arrangements for grad school. You seem to be changing the rules of the game in mid stream. You should be ready to explain that to your younger child.

[Anonymous]

Personally, no. If the agreement was that you would pay for undergrad and nothing more, then you are treating the kids equally. The in-state school was the one your older child wanted to attend. I would hang on to that money in case she does end up actually needing some assistance, but I wouldn't give her money just to even up your financial contribution to the two kids. You gave them both a college education; that they went to different colleges isn't really relevant.

[Anonymous]

I would probably offer to help if you can afford it...if you'd like, you can make it be a low interest/long term loan instead of an outright subsidy. Grad school debt, especially for something like PA school, can be financially crushing.

Especially if you do it as a loan, you don't really have to bring up the private vs public school thing. It will be a little difficult to change the rules after the fact to make it go from being about paying for college to contributing a certain amount to overall education (I don't think there's anything wrong with either approach and I personally favor your approach). You also might find that your kids don't keep score on this account, and it doesn't matter what you do.

[Anonymous]

If my kids were good students, with a good head on their shoulders and a good plan for their future I'd help however I could. Why wouldnt you?

[Anonymous]

Sure yes. I don't really think it's fair you spent so much more on kid 2. You might want to ask your daughter if she'd like 18k a year or 36k towards a house downpayment though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. ^physician assistant.

OP, my concern is that your younger child might have selected private college based on the assumption that it would not affect financial arrangements for grad school. You seem to be changing the rules of the game in mid stream. You should be ready to explain that to your younger child.

I think this is a good point ... You may get yourself into a vicious cycle here of "fair." What if youngest chooses a cheap grad school? Will you contribute?

I think you stick with what you said for college/grad school, but keep an open mind about helping the oldest out if she gets into financial difficulty or could use some help other than with tuition.

[Anonymous]

^^^ this

Groceries, utilities, car payment, rent. Those could be a huge help, but let her pay for grad school.

[Anonymous]

Op, she will be able to get loans - a huge amount for grad school. And she has a great future ahead of her. She has worked very hard.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I would not make it conditional on being fair. My parents said they would pay for college and graduate school. No car, wedding or house. They ended up getting me a car, helped with a downpayment on a house and paid for our tiny wedding (few thousand). Helping your kids with school is the best thing you can do for they if they are responsible and good people. I would have been fine with my parents just paying for my education. Its been so wonderful not to have loans.