Handling unwanted large presents from family

[Anonymous]

Two part question:

1-how does your household handle unwanted "large" gift items from family members? We received quite the influx of biggish items for the holidays this year, things that just aren't our taste. Think, 12 piece pasta set customized with our last name, a cuckoo clock, a large bean bag chair for child, "live laugh love" giant wall hanging, etc. I am not sentimental and want to immediately donate or discard these items that just aren't our taste. Husband is (legitimately) worried that folks visiting our home might ask where these items are if we get rid of them. What to do? I think we have to get rid of the stuff because it's so large and I'm not willing to store it and play the game of putting it out for certain visitors.

2-any strategies for avoiding these gifts in the future? Most of these large unwanted items come from a particular branch of the family. Intentions are good, and I sound ungrateful, but it's a waste for all involved. If I wanted a large item for my wall such as a cuckoo clock, I'd want some part in picking it out. I'm not wishing we'd receive more desirable gifts - I'd actually be happier to receive nothing than deal with these unwanted items, but realistically that's not an option. Thought of saying something like "oh we have everything, just concentrate on our child", but then we'd probably end up with the same prob but focused on kid items.

Would love to hear any strategies that have worked for others!

[Anonymous]

Goodness, you seem to be burdened with one CLUELESS set of relatives! Don't they see that the recipient would want some say in that kind of gift? They all sound awful, apart from the (hopefully genuine Bavarian) cuckoo clock.

I would consign or donate them all ASAP, and if they ask, tell them that they weren't to your taste. It's the only way you'll stop receiving such things! Look them straight in the eye in the most innocent way and say in a pleasant voice: "Oh, it didn't fit our lifestyle, so we gave it away!" As if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Then maybe you'll find a post entitled "My SIL was so offensive today!" on DCUM. But at least the gifts will stop

[Anonymous]

I'll trade you. Actually I wouldn't even want the live, laugh, love thing but the cuckoo clock might be cool. The pasta dishes wouldn't be half bad if it didn't have your name on it so now you can't get rid of it. I agree it sucks, but etiquette seems to rule and you can't tell them not to do it without looking like an ingrate. I know it's like junk mail that keeps coming that you never signed up for. On the plus side, etiquette works in your favor too because it would be rude of them to ask why you don't have their gifts out. Hang on to them while you feel guilty, then donate. For the large items we have gotten in past years, I shoved them in an out of the way cabinet. Or I put them in a box in our storage room because I don't want to be blamed if my husband misses anything from his family (which he hasn't so far). The huge kid items I put in the basement so I don't have to look at it and then I get rid of the stuff they have outgrown. I'd try to figure out if they are doing it because they really want to whether you like it or not, or if they actually don't like shopping and would not mind cutting back. Next year in like October, tell them the holidays are so stressful that you guys are fine with them cutting back and you'll do the same.

[Anonymous]

I'd far rather have relatives who care than the ones I have. I'll trade for all that crap. When we do get stuff like that we have space in the attic and it comes down when the person visits.

[Anonymous]

You received a cukoo clock?!?!

Hahahaha!

[Anonymous]

Real cuckoo clocks are expensive--they have several at the place where I get out watch batteries replaced and I love to look at them while I wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two part question:

1-how does your household handle unwanted "large" gift items from family members? We received quite the influx of biggish items for the holidays this year, things that just aren't our taste. Think, 12 piece pasta set customized with our last name, a cuckoo clock, a large bean bag chair for child, "live laugh love" giant wall hanging, etc. I am not sentimental and want to immediately donate or discard these items that just aren't our taste. Husband is (legitimately) worried that folks visiting our home might ask where these items are if we get rid of them. What to do? I think we have to get rid of the stuff because it's so large and I'm not willing to store it and play the game of putting it out for certain visitors.

2-any strategies for avoiding these gifts in the future? Most of these large unwanted items come from a particular branch of the family. Intentions are good, and I sound ungrateful, but it's a waste for all involved. If I wanted a large item for my wall such as a cuckoo clock, I'd want some part in picking it out. I'm not wishing we'd receive more desirable gifts - I'd actually be happier to receive nothing than deal with these unwanted items, but realistically that's not an option. Thought of saying something like "oh we have everything, just concentrate on our child", but then we'd probably end up with the same prob but focused on kid items.

Would love to hear any strategies that have worked for others!

Op, I have no solution to offer but your post reminded me of my late grandmother. She was addicted to the shopping channel QVC. On holidays she would go into a closet, the garage, or even the spare bathroom, and pull out one of the boxes from the ceiling high stack. We never knew what we'd get and neither did she! LOL.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to use gossip to your advantage. This coming fall, right after Halloween, you need to call the most gossipy relative in that branch of the family "to say hello". Then you drop hints. Dh and are so happy; we were talking this weekend and realized our house is fully decorated exactly the way we want it. There is not ONE THING we want to add to the house! How long did it take you to feel like you'd decorated your house exactly the way you wanted?"

Then you drop the "let's talk about the holidays. Do you have any ideas of what JimBob and Michelle want? All we want are experiences - museum memberships, aquarium memberships, etc. Do you think Michelle would like that?"

This way you've said what you DON'T want and let them know what you WOULD like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to use gossip to your advantage. This coming fall, right after Halloween, you need to call the most gossipy relative in that branch of the family "to say hello". Then you drop hints. Dh and are so happy; we were talking this weekend and realized our house is fully decorated exactly the way we want it. There is not ONE THING we want to add to the house! How long did it take you to feel like you'd decorated your house exactly the way you wanted?"

Then you drop the "let's talk about the holidays. Do you have any ideas of what JimBob and Michelle want? All we want are experiences - museum memberships, aquarium memberships, etc. Do you think Michelle would like that?"

This way you've said what you DON'T want and let them know what you WOULD like.

And just remember OP, if this doesn't work, don't sweat it. Just LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE!

[Anonymous]

Can you tell them it doesn't fit in your house? My ILs are like that - they got us a full size key board and bench when we lived in a small one bedroom apartment. Neither of us play piano. It was supposedly for our then 7 month old to bang on. We immediately took it back and explained it just didn't fit. The next year they showed me pictures of several wall clocks and asked what I thought of clock A. I said that it wasn't my style and much preferred style XYZ. When I got clock A as a birthday gift anyway, we stores in in the basement and then got rid of it. When they asked, I explained that it didn't fit in with our style so we gave it to a relative who loved it (lie, clock was neon, probably in a frat house now).

[Anonymous]

Question. Were these gifts from dh's side of the family. Is that why your have no concern that your actions will offend the gift givers?

[Anonymous]

Can you stop exchanging gifts with so many adults? It doesn't solve the immediate problem, but it could help for next year. Maybe a Secret Santa? At least then you'd only have one large, unwanted gift with which to deal and not three.

[Anonymous]

OMG, I so wish for a cuckoo clock. My great aunt had one when I was a child and I was mesmerized by that thing.

[Anonymous]

"hey did you keep the receipt? unfortunately this is too big for our house and we have nowhere to put it."

returns and exchanges are normal after christmas

BTW what is a pasta set and why does it need to be personalized

[Anonymous]

We stopped the gift exchange with the adults. We now concentrate on company, food and wine.

Good luck.