Bad Mouthing Spouse to Child

[Anonymous]

My 9 year old DS came in and asked me why my husband (his dad) said something about me that wasn't very nice. (And untrue, which is why he was asking me.) I am seriously angry at DH for saying this about me to our child. Bad mouthing your spouse to your child is wildly immature and completely inappropriate. Do other people do this? I know divorced couples have issues with this --which is also completely wrong-- but married couples? I am really angry about this, almost divorce-like anger. It is one thing to be mad at me but to involve my child is another. I have never, and would never, bad mouth my husband to my kids! Horrible.


Advice? Comments?

[Anonymous]

I mean it depends on what the comment was. Was it a joke gone wrong or was it really something mean that was said to be used against you? You should calm down enough to have a conversation with DH but you need to find out why he said what he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean it depends on what the comment was. Was it a joke gone wrong or was it really something mean that was said to be used against you? You should calm down enough to have a conversation with DH but you need to find out why he said what he did.

No it has been something we've argued about before. It wasn't a joke gone wrong. It's along the lines that I am unsupportive to him but not to others. My son thought my husband was crazy and asked me why he said it. I did ask DH about it but really no explanation/apology can "un-say" what he said. I am seriously pissed at him and want to see if I am out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean it depends on what the comment was. Was it a joke gone wrong or was it really something mean that was said to be used against you? You should calm down enough to have a conversation with DH but you need to find out why he said what he did.

No it has been something we've argued about before. It wasn't a joke gone wrong. It's along the lines that I am unsupportive to him but not to others. My son thought my husband was crazy and asked me why he said it. I did ask DH about it but really no explanation/apology can "un-say" what he said. I am seriously pissed at him and want to see if I am out of line.

No I think it's fine to be pissed that he said something to your kid and put him in the middle of an argument between you two. However, if your DH is at the point of saying something to your kid (I'm imagining how this happened) then I think its worth putting the anger aside and trying to fix the issue between you and your husband. Sounds like he's at the point where its kind of a big deal and could be the start of the end.

[Anonymous]

Was the comment out of frustration? Such that, for example, he is frustrated that you sleep all day and spend too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean it depends on what the comment was. Was it a joke gone wrong or was it really something mean that was said to be used against you? You should calm down enough to have a conversation with DH but you need to find out why he said what he did.

No it has been something we've argued about before. It wasn't a joke gone wrong. It's along the lines that I am unsupportive to him but not to others. My son thought my husband was crazy and asked me why he said it. I did ask DH about it but really no explanation/apology can "un-say" what he said. I am seriously pissed at him and want to see if I am out of line.

No I think it's fine to be pissed that he said something to your kid and put him in the middle of an argument between you two. However, if your DH is at the point of saying something to your kid (I'm imagining how this happened) then I think its worth putting the anger aside and trying to fix the issue between you and your husband. Sounds like he's at the point where its kind of a big deal and could be the start of the end.

Yes, this. It sounds to me like he's tried to talk to you directly about your lack of support for him and he's gotten nowhere with it and has reached a point of exasperation.

[Anonymous]

Why does he think it's good for your 9-year-old to hear that kind of thing?

My husband occasionally does this, and it REALLY bothers me. Such a dick thing to do!

[Anonymous]

When DD asked me why DH does such and such, I was soo tempted to tell her that DH is lazy and selfish.

But I didn't.

[Anonymous]

My DH does this. I had to accept that I couldn't control what he says.

[Anonymous]

My Mom would say these kind of things about my Dad. Really hurt my relationship with him and how I dealt with men when i started dating. Took many years of therapy to work through that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Dick move.