When tracing genealogy contradicts family lore…

[Anonymous]

I’ve started tracing family genealogy with my kid. My dad knows quite a bit about his father’s side of the family but not his mother’s. Based on what his mother told him, his grandfather remarried, and the his mother didn’t get along with the step mother. Basically she left home relatively young and married someone quite a bit older to escape an unpleasant home life. His grandfather supposedly died shortly thereafter well before he was born.

According to my preliminary research based on census records, his grandfather didn’t die, but lived on for several decades. (I could have met him.) Since I am a novice at this, I need to confirm my suspicions with additional records to know for sure. I’ve put aside researching this branch of the family tree with my kid b/c I don’t want him to figure this out and inadvertently spill the beans.

Understandably, I think my father would have mixed emotions if he learned his grandfather was alive for most of his life. His mother (who is long deceased) must have had her reasons for concealing this.

Do you share the discrepancies in the records or just keep mum. Has anyone encountered this before? What did you do?

[Anonymous]

I do a lot of research on Ancestry - you have to double and triple check things- there is so much wrong information. If what you are seeing isn't from a verifiable source question it.

[Anonymous]

I'd guess that in this case, your grandmother's story of an unhappy home life would make your dad less regretful about not not knowing your great-grandfather. But of course it makes sense to tread carefully.

I'd be inclined to share a little info, but not all. "Hey, Dad, I know that Grandma always said her father died when she was still a young woman, but no death record is showing up for him in Boston at that time. Do you think there's a chance that he lived longer but she just was estranged from him?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd guess that in this case, your grandmother's story of an unhappy home life would make your dad less regretful about not not knowing your great-grandfather. But of course it makes sense to tread carefully.

I'd be inclined to share a little info, but not all. "Hey, Dad, I know that Grandma always said her father died when she was still a young woman, but no death record is showing up for him in Boston at that time. Do you think there's a chance that he lived longer but she just was estranged from him?"

+1

[Anonymous]

Why tell him? What benefit is there? It may hurt him or confuse him. Leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

There is a ton of inaccurate info on ancestry. Have you checked the SS master death index? I would verify the info, then keep it to yourself. For you all you know, the stepmother was evil and forbid contact with his mother and him.

[CarolGuerra]

you should tell you father about it...

[Anonymous]

I would verify and tell him.

[Anonymous]

Be very careful to check records against actual census forms, death certificates, etc.

Ancestry.com is filled with "geneologists" who are quite sloppy and will happily add people to their trees without verifying records, or just making mistakes.

I have done research using that site. It's great in some ways, but do not trust other people's trees. Always check against historical records.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to my preliminary research based on census records, his grandfather didn’t die, but lived on for several decades.

Just pointing out that OP seems to be looking at the records, not just other people's trees. OP, you should also be able to find death records to verify. I'd also look for an obituary (sometimes you can find them just googling) or info on a grave marker (ancestry.com links to findagrave.com).

[Anonymous]

Op, how do you know your father is ignorant of the situation? He may have known, and just stuck to the public story. Maybe it will explain some nagging question about his mother or something she once said.