Downsizing parents = junk for our house

[Anonymous]

Both parents and in laws are in the process of downsizing. We are thrilled. The flip side is both seem to have saved every piece of paper, toys, give away, broken furniture etc. from the last three decades. And they want us to take it... And won't take no (or donate/trash) for an answer. They keep showing up with more and more crap. We live in a small house and don't have room for it. We are overflowing as it is cause DH has a similar proclivity (why must one save 18 empty ice cream cartons? Why?!!!)

Advice without hurting feelings? The obvious is to take and then dump, but if it enters our house DH feels obligated to keep it. Our house is full and I'm out of space to put things we actually use.

Ideas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The obvious is to take and then dump

Ideas?

This is the answer. I've had to do with with both of our parents. It was harder to get my husband to toss things, but we agreed he could reduce it to 1 storage container. I made sure to take care of what my parents gave me first, so I wouldn't look like a hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Dump away.

[Anonymous]

Thank the recipient and then craigslist or donate it! Don't feel guilty about it. The item has served it's purpose.

[Anonymous]

Encourage DH to scan things he would like copies of..and the DUMP.

[Anonymous]

No, it's on the parents to get rid of their own stuff! Tell them NO!

[Anonymous]

Try Freecycling it. People with tendencies to hold on to things feel better when they know they will be used by someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump away.

This. And learn to say "no." MIL keeps trying to give us her old crap. At first, I'd accept it then promptly donate. Now I've gotten good about saying no, no matter how hard she pushes.

[Anonymous]

Never let it enter your home if your husband won't want to let it leave. I went through this with my mother. We gave her a closet to store things she said she had to have with she visited. She filled it with junk. Then the junk began appearing in our common areas. Now, she simply knows it can 't enter because we will throw it out, no apologies given.

[Anonymous]

Go to their house and go through it yourselves. My parents are cleaning their basement and whenever I'm there they give me something to go through...a bag or box or closet. I laugh at it all, snap a picture or two, maybe I keep one or two things, and the rest gets trashed and never enters my house. Dh and I each keep one box of yearbooks, momentos, etc. If it doesn't fit in the box, we can't keep it.

[Anonymous]

I found it much easier to take what was given then deal with it on my own-- arguing with your parents and fighting will just increase the stress level.

[Anonymous]

Get a temporary storage unit. Put the stuff there, and over the next few months, get rid of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a temporary storage unit. Put the stuff there, and over the next few months, get rid of it.

This is what we did. Took forever. Should have just done a quick peek through boxes and then tossed.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya. I find it fascinating that these items can be both precious family heirlooms that cannot possibly pass out of the family, and junk that they need to get rid of. If its so precious to you, why are you giving it away?
To answer your question, I take things, and then donate them. Also, I always try to announce before arriving at my parents that my car is full, and I won't have any room to bring anything back. That often works to forestall. Otherwise, the first thing they say when I arrive is "I have stuff for you to take back."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both parents and in laws are in the process of downsizing. We are thrilled. The flip side is both seem to have saved every piece of paper, toys, give away, broken furniture etc. from the last three decades. And they want us to take it... And won't take no (or donate/trash) for an answer. They keep showing up with more and more crap. We live in a small house and don't have room for it. We are overflowing as it is cause DH has a similar proclivity (why must one save 18 empty ice cream cartons? Why?!!!)

Advice without hurting feelings? The obvious is to take and then dump, but if it enters our house DH feels obligated to keep it. Our house is full and I'm out of space to put things we actually use.

Ideas?

They won't take no (or donate/trash) for an answer?
That actually means that you won't say no or donate/trash because you don't want any strife.

You have 2 options:
1. Take stuff you don't want
2. Say no, donate or trash.

I think you are looking for ways to be kind but firm, you must know there aren't any other options?
I feel for you, I do, but there is simply no way to refuse piles of junk that people assume you are delighted to receive without some stress.

You just have to tell them kindly "I am so sorry, I know you want us to have your things and it must be so difficult to downsize, but you have to understand that we have limited space and want to keep our memories and children's things too, and there unfortunately is not an infinite amount of space."
That presents the problem
"I have found some groups that would love to have (toys, household objects, whatever) and I would be happy to help you get them there so you don't have to do anything more"
This presents a solution and no more work for them.
"I would love to make a photo diary for you of all these things before they go so you could still have something tangible to remember them"
The Hail Mary "I am a kind and loving person" statement to ensure they can't get mad at you (for too long anyways!)

I have also done the guilt thing (not proud but desperate)
"I guess I'll have to throw out some of my college things and the baby's crib now. I still have my diploma showing how I got my degree even with my kidney disease and of course, DC himself".