Is this an odd father daughter dynamic?

[Anonymous]

Was talking to a friend who said her grown daughter (mid 20s) said over The holidays that her Dad has spoiled her because no man is going to ask waht they can do,for,her everyday like her Dad does. Every morning he starts his day asking what he can do for her. I thought it was sweet. But this daughter reallybis spoiled. My children are far too independent and would never accept that level of attention or help.

Over the line and infatilizing or endearing and generous?

[Anonymous]

Not enough details to know. I mean, is she responding "Oh thanks Dad, could you take Fido for a walk, express his anal gland, then wash and wax my car, then return these Christmas gifts I don't like, then wait in line for three hours to get me into a club?" or is she responding "You can wish me luck on my interview and give me a kiss goodbye"?

Each year on my childrens' birthdays I ask them what I can do to be a better mother to them in the coming year. I've been told everything from "leave me alone more" to "play with me more when I ask" and I try to follow what each kid wants within reason. But they are ALWAYS within reason. If they said I could be a better mom by buying them a car and a trip to Paris with their ten closest friends, I'd laugh in their faces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not enough details to know. I mean, is she responding "Oh thanks Dad, could you take Fido for a walk, express his anal gland, then wash and wax my car, then return these Christmas gifts I don't like, then wait in line for three hours to get me into a club?" or is she responding "You can wish me luck on my interview and give me a kiss goodbye"?

Each year on my childrens' birthdays I ask them what I can do to be a better mother to them in the coming year. I've been told everything from "leave me alone more" to "play with me more when I ask" and I try to follow what each kid wants within reason. But they are ALWAYS within reason. If they said I could be a better mom by buying them a car and a trip to Paris with their ten closest friends, I'd laugh in their faces.

First of all, very funny. Um, I think it is more inline with the send me to Paris Daddy. My husband was appalled. He thinks our kids would tell him to back off if he did that. Recently one our kids called upset about losing something expensive. I said to let it go. Everyone makes mistakes and said I would replace it as a gift. Said child told me not to enable them.

I think this guy is very kind. He has two other children and does not do this for them or for my friend.

[Anonymous]

I think it's endearing and generous, assuming he can say no to ridiculous requests. If her dad is above average in that regard, chances are she won't find a guy that lives up to that. She might find a guy who has her dad's same faults though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was talking to a friend who said her grown daughter (mid 20s) said over The holidays that her Dad has spoiled her because no man is going to ask waht they can do,for,her everyday like her Dad does. Every morning he starts his day asking what he can do for her. I thought it was sweet. But this daughter reallybis spoiled. My children are far too independent and would never accept that level of attention or help.

Over the line and infatilizing or endearing and generous?

OP, MYOB!

[Anonymous]

I think that Dad should direct this sort of attention toward his spouse, not his adult child.

[Anonymous]

Weird and creepy.

[Anonymous]

Is that the only question this man asks himself each morning? If so, that's unusual. Most people dedicate themselves to God, service to humanity, excellence in all things, or their families -or some combo of those. To dedicate your life's pursuit to a specific child misses a larger purpose in life that most of us hold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that Dad should direct this sort of attention toward his spouse, not his adult child.

This.

It's strange he doesn't offer this to the other children or his spouse.

Are you sure you didn't misinterpret an inside joke, OP?

I think it's fine for parents to serve as a relationship model, but assuming this isn't a joke, her dad is setting her up to have an unhealthy relationship with men. She'll either find men for the purpose of using them, and then discard them once she can no longer get anything from them, not try and work things out between herself and spouse because daddy will take care of it.

The other possibility is she'll only find men who think of her as a mindless idiot and treat her as such.

[Anonymous]

My dad bought me jewelry for birthdays and Christmas until I was 18. His goal (he later told me) was so that I wouldn't be easily swayed by the first man who bought me things. DH commented on it when we were talking about marriage, saying he didn't feel like he could afford a ring nice enough because he'd seen everything else I had. I told him he could ask me with a Cracker Jack ring and I wouldn't care. I love my engagement ring and i love that I have the jewelry from my dad. He died before the wedding, so I wore a couple things from him and look forward to passing it on to my daughter and nieces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad bought me jewelry for birthdays and Christmas until I was 18. His goal (he later told me) was so that I wouldn't be easily swayed by the first man who bought me things. DH commented on it when we were talking about marriage, saying he didn't feel like he could afford a ring nice enough because he'd seen everything else I had. I told him he could ask me with a Cracker Jack ring and I wouldn't care. I love my engagement ring and i love that I have the jewelry from my dad. He died before the wedding, so I wore a couple things from him and look forward to passing it on to my daughter and nieces.

Not the same situation as is what the OP is talking about.

While thought is nice and you have something to cherish from your dad, I think your dad likely taught you other values that would keep you from being overly impressed by the first guy who bought you something.

I think this is likely just a sweet tradition your dad had with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not enough details to know. I mean, is she responding "Oh thanks Dad, could you take Fido for a walk, express his anal gland, then wash and wax my car, then return these Christmas gifts I don't like, then wait in line for three hours to get me into a club?" or is she responding "You can wish me luck on my interview and give me a kiss goodbye"?

Each year on my childrens' birthdays I ask them what I can do to be a better mother to them in the coming year. I've been told everything from "leave me alone more" to "play with me more when I ask" and I try to follow what each kid wants within reason. But they are ALWAYS within reason. If they said I could be a better mom by buying them a car and a trip to Paris with their ten closest friends, I'd laugh in their faces.

First of all, very funny. Um, I think it is more inline with the send me to Paris Daddy. My husband was appalled. He thinks our kids would tell him to back off if he did that. Recently one our kids called upset about losing something expensive. I said to let it go. Everyone makes mistakes and said I would replace it as a gift. Said child told me not to enable them.

I think this guy is very kind. He has two other children and does not do this for them or for my friend.

I think it's more weird that your kid responded with, "don't enable me" after you said you'd replace something as a gift. OP, that's very odd and weird. Most normal kids would appreciate your gesture.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care so much, OP?

This father probably loves his daughter to bits and spoils her. She will face a rather harder road to adulthood than what she would have probably faced if she had been raised with her development and long-term interest in mind.

I wasn't raised in the best way, either, although it was more due to one parent's insanity and the other's enabling. There is no diploma required to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not enough details to know. I mean, is she responding "Oh thanks Dad, could you take Fido for a walk, express his anal gland, then wash and wax my car, then return these Christmas gifts I don't like, then wait in line for three hours to get me into a club?" or is she responding "You can wish me luck on my interview and give me a kiss goodbye"?

Each year on my childrens' birthdays I ask them what I can do to be a better mother to them in the coming year. I've been told everything from "leave me alone more" to "play with me more when I ask" and I try to follow what each kid wants within reason. But they are ALWAYS within reason. If they said I could be a better mom by buying them a car and a trip to Paris with their ten closest friends, I'd laugh in their faces.

First of all, very funny. Um, I think it is more inline with the send me to Paris Daddy. My husband was appalled. He thinks our kids would tell him to back off if he did that. Recently one our kids called upset about losing something expensive. I said to let it go. Everyone makes mistakes and said I would replace it as a gift. Said child told me not to enable them.

I think this guy is very kind. He has two other children and does not do this for them or for my friend.

I think it's more weird that your kid responded with, "don't enable me" after you said you'd replace something as a gift. OP, that's very odd and weird. Most normal kids would appreciate your gesture.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think DCUM people are nuts!

Really? Is this a problem that needs to be posted? OP, get a life!