Have any other couples mandated spending 1-2 evenings apart per week?

[Anonymous]

DH and I have both been working from home for the past 7 months and will be for the foreseeable future. Generally we each have an outside meeting and/or work at a coffee shop for a couple of hours a day, so we aren't sitting in our house together all day. We pick up our toddler age daughter from daycare at 4pm each day, then have family time until her bedtime around 7-730pm. Many nights, we each have to work in the evening. Weekends are generally spent with the three of us together the whole time.

I tend to go out with a friend once every couple of weeks, DH much less frequently despite my encouragement.

I feel like we spend way too much time together and we each need to rediscover, or find new, outside interests. In an effort to get it going, we are considering setting a rule that each of us must spend one evening per week doing something outside the house (one required, but up to two).

Have other couples ever done this? How did it go? I have only heard about the opposite -- couples trying to find ways to spend more time together. We do get to go out without our daughter occasionally. I/we just need some independence, and some time that is not spent consulting with someone else for every little thing.

[Anonymous]

Uuuh, how do I say this nicely?

If DH suddenly takes you up on this deal, it might be an AP, particularly if your household expenses increase ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uuuh, how do I say this nicely?

If DH suddenly takes you up on this deal, it might be an AP, particularly if your household expenses increase ...

OP here, I'm not worried about my DH having an affair. For my evenings out, I would be taking a class and/or grabbing dinner and drinks with a girlfriend. DH will likely do the same for his.

[Anonymous]

I can't really relate to this. Sorry. If you're working, even at home, why would that be spending time together? Does being together from 4:30-bedtime most days really equate to too much? To most that would be an amazing luxury!

[Anonymous]

No, but we've talked about it -- both of us WOH (although I can work from home), but spend all of our non-working time at home for the most part.

I go out with friends more often than my H (more often = maybe once a month, and his evenings out are usually a work going away party). I'd go out with friends more (or a hobby or just time at Starbucks alone), but since he doesn't ask to do it, I feel guilty about asking. So if it was 'mandated' that would be great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't really relate to this. Sorry. If you're working, even at home, why would that be spending time together? Does being together from 4:30-bedtime most days really equate to too much? To most that would be an amazing luxury!

OP here. I don't even think it is necessarily spending too much time together, I think it's lack of outside interests/people. We are both working very solitary jobs at the moment and don't get social outlets with work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but we've talked about it -- both of us WOH (although I can work from home), but spend all of our non-working time at home for the most part.

I go out with friends more often than my H (more often = maybe once a month, and his evenings out are usually a work going away party). I'd go out with friends more (or a hobby or just time at Starbucks alone), but since he doesn't ask to do it, I feel guilty about asking. So if it was 'mandated' that would be great.

OP again, I think this is part of the problem for me too. I could easily be out of the house 2-3 evenings per week but I know he will never "equalize" it by doing the same, so I hold back and it's starting to get to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't really relate to this. Sorry. If you're working, even at home, why would that be spending time together? Does being together from 4:30-bedtime most days really equate to too much? To most that would be an amazing luxury!

OP here. I don't even think it is necessarily spending too much time together, I think it's lack of outside interests/people. We are both working very solitary jobs at the moment and don't get social outlets with work.

+1

20:15 PP here --I think it's healthy for people to have interests that aren't family and work. It puts a lot of pressure on one's partner if you're his/her only social outlet.