Family =/= all-access pass to my home

[Anonymous]

DH and I BOTH were taken aback when MIL entered our master bedroom without asking/stating intention to do so because she wanted to "see how Nana's mirror looked over the dresser." We had made a point to escort her into the bedroom during her last visit to show her. (Keep in mind this isn't even her mother's own mirror, it's my FIL's late mother's mirror.)

When DH asked her (without my even prompting or saying anything) to please ask first before she entered the master bedroom/private spaces in our home, she got very huffy and said, "Well, it's not like I'm a STRANGER. Familiy is family and this is a family home."

DH and I both think we are right in expecting guests (even family) to gain permission to enter bedrooms/private spaces in our home. But she genuinely seems to think there's no such thing as a "private space" because she's family. Honestly asking, what say you, DCUM?

[Anonymous]

I love your husband.

[Anonymous]

What do you have to hide? I wouldn't care at all.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't bother me either. There are reasons locks are on doors.

[Anonymous]

As long as the door is open, it's fine. Closed door means knock and wait.

[Anonymous]

I'd lose my shit if my MIL walked into my bedroom. I can't get over how some people fail to realize that their children are adults with personal lives.

[Anonymous]

I just can't believe all these anti-MIL posts. You DILs certainly are a prickly, high maintenance bunch.

[Anonymous]

It's not an issue of being right, but of what you are comfortable with.
You get to set the comfort level/ boundaries for guests in your own home.
For me I don't care at all. Family or not. DH and I let guests sleep in our bed.
Our only rule is if the door is closed then you wait and knock.

You and your DH do not hold the same view. Which is okay. It's good you and DH are on the same page and he needs to continue to deal with his mom on the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't believe all these anti-MIL posts. You DILs certainly are a prickly, high maintenance bunch.

With rabies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't believe all these anti-MIL posts. You DILs certainly are a prickly, high maintenance bunch.

Kind of sexist, this. Surely, some SILs have authored some MIL posts.

[Anonymous]

I would also hate this. Unacceptable. My bedroom is my sanctuary, and I would be so uncomfortable if someone entered without permission.

[Anonymous]

What you describe is super weird - going in your room to peer around. If she had come up during a non-sleeping hour to ask a question and didn't knock - that'd be annoying for sure, but not end of the world IMO because we have a lock on our door.

My MIL did come into our room while we were still all sleeping - to tend to my oldest DD who had climbed into our bed (who btw, did not need any tending - she was just napping at the foot of the bed). I was totally skeeved out and thankfully my semi-asleep state meant I had no filter so I just said "honey, your MOTHER is at our bed!!" and then fell back asleep. She hasn't come back since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't believe all these anti-MIL posts. You DILs certainly are a prickly, high maintenance bunch.

I agree.

OP, it's not as though she was rooting around your underwear drawer. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Some of you don't seem to grasp that genuinely was asking for opinions here. My gut is "this is weird," and I wanted a gut check. I do appreciate the range of opinions, but can't you say "it's fine" without also accusing me of being a horrible DIL, etc.?

And I would feel the same if a cousin or my aunt or someone did the same thing. My feeling is not MIL specific.

I'm hoping to gain a general consensus so I can manage my future expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some of you don't seem to grasp that genuinely was asking for opinions here. My gut is "this is weird," and I wanted a gut check. I do appreciate the range of opinions, but can't you say "it's fine" without also accusing me of being a horrible DIL, etc.?

And I would feel the same if a cousin or my aunt or someone did the same thing. My feeling is not MIL specific.

I'm hoping to gain a general consensus so I can manage my future expectations.

I don't think DCUM is appropriate for crowd sourcing what is appropriate b/c so many people are way too over sensitive about their MILs.

I don't think what your MIL did was a big deal. A woman who was an acquaintance of mine used to go into people's bedrooms and open their closets at parties. I know b/c she did this in my home. Now that was weird.