Another MIL rant

[Anonymous]

I find family gatherings stressful so my anxiety levels are definitely high, but while my MIL was supposed to be watching my three year old on the beach (making sand castles) she did nothing when he decided to run into the ocean to join myself and husband and other child. By the time we realized he was in the water it was up to his neck with waves crashing over his head. We got to him in time and he's fine, but, he could have drowned.

What was MIL doing? She hadn't moved from the sand castle and was just standing there peering out to sea. No yelling, no waving, no trying to get our attention, no running after him. WTF? Admittedly she doesn't move fast and he probably ran off (we spent a long time explaining to him why he must never go into the ocean without an adult again) but she didn't even TRY!

I'm so pissed.

[Anonymous]

Did she volunteer to watch him or did you tell her she was watching him?

[Anonymous]

I'd be pissed too. How terrifying that must have been.

[Anonymous]

She wanted to. I don't think it makes any difference though. If your grandson is heading into deep water and can't swim you do everything you can to make sure he is safe.

[Anonymous]

She never gets to watch him alone after this. NEVER. Don't take the risk.

A PP asked a good question: was it a very direct request from you to watch him, and she verbally agreed/made eye contact, or were you all playing and you said, "I'm going for a dip" and kind of assumed she would stay with him?

How scary. I'm so sorry that happened. Glad it turned out OK. Lesson learned...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She never gets to watch him alone after this. NEVER. Don't take the risk.

A PP asked a good question: was it a very direct request from you to watch him, and she verbally agreed/made eye contact, or were you all playing and you said, "I'm going for a dip" and kind of assumed she would stay with him?

How scary. I'm so sorry that happened. Glad it turned out OK. Lesson learned...

Op here. She won't be. She wanted to play with him and when he didn't want to come in the water said he could stay with her. I can't be annoyed that it isn't easy for her to get up or run but what really riles me is that she didn't try. She could have yelled or waved her arms so that we realised sooner. If my husband hadn't happened to turn around I dread to think what would have happened.

[Anonymous]

There's no excuse for this, I know, but some people really do freeze up when they panic. I'm betting that was the case--the fear just took over her.

At any rate, it won't happen again, because now you know it's not safe to leave young kids in her hands.

What did she say after the fact? What did DH/FIL say?

[Anonymous]

I'd be upset too, but ultimately you are the only one that cares enough as his parent and you should always watch your kid like a hawk even if you are a distance. It just goes to show other people will never care as much as you do.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for you. But one thing I can't imagine ever doing is letting anyone but a parent watch our kids at the ocean. Even at the pool I never let anyone watch my kids until they could swim. So while it's ok to be upset at the situation, I think the blame lies on a parent who leaves a child alone with someone who doesn't have the capability to care for him.

[Anonymous]

She was just staring out into the ocean while her grandson was moments away from potentially drowning? Does she otherwise seem alright? I'd be really worried about her mental state - was she "all there" when you all came out from the ocean? Did she understand the situation or did she seem confused?

Either way, of course she shouldn't be watching your son - even when you're within earshot - but perhaps she also need some help herself?

[Anonymous]

OP here. She says that she called after him, but he didn't respond. My husband talked to her. She never really shows any emotion so I don't know if she really understands how serious this war and is just her usual unemotional self or if it freaked her out too. She was standing there looking to see if he was going to reach us, she was probably concerned but not actually moving toward him (she has a bad knee but can certainly walk - she's not immobile!) and not doing what I would consider reasonable which is at least yelling and waving arms and trying to get help or our attention.

Husband agrees that we shouldn't have her supervise again except at home. I am not completely sure about whether I even want her doing that. She seems to not be very observant. She was keeping an eye on the kids while I had a shower yesterday and when I came out my youngest was coloring with his coloring book directly on the sofa and every time his marker slipped off the page he'd drawn on the sofa. She was sitting right next to him and oblivious of the mess he was making. Not dangerous, of course but it makes me think there's a pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She says that she called after him, but he didn't respond. My husband talked to her. She never really shows any emotion so I don't know if she really understands how serious this war and is just her usual unemotional self or if it freaked her out too. She was standing there looking to see if he was going to reach us, she was probably concerned but not actually moving toward him (she has a bad knee but can certainly walk - she's not immobile!) and not doing what I would consider reasonable which is at least yelling and waving arms and trying to get help or our attention.

Husband agrees that we shouldn't have her supervise again except at home. I am not completely sure about whether I even want her doing that. She seems to not be very observant. She was keeping an eye on the kids while I had a shower yesterday and when I came out my youngest was coloring with his coloring book directly on the sofa and every time his marker slipped off the page he'd drawn on the sofa. She was sitting right next to him and oblivious of the mess he was making. Not dangerous, of course but it makes me think there's a pattern.

She is not a capable caretaker, even for a few minutes, sadly. Sorry, OP!

[Anonymous]

Op - Now, you know not ask her to watch your child again. Got it? End of discussion.

[Anonymous]

My MIL did something similar yesterday. Asked to watch the child, was pushy about it and then blatantly did not watch her. Child got hurt but thankfully not badly. Not going to let her watch the child again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL did something similar yesterday. Asked to watch the child, was pushy about it and then blatantly did not watch her. Child got hurt but thankfully not badly. Not going to let her watch the child again.

What? Did she apologize??