Freaked out about finding childcare

[Anonymous]

I'm due with twins in August, and know I will need to return to work for financial reasons. I am terrified that we won't be able to find care for the babies that we can afford and isn't scary. Many of the providers listed in my area on the DSS website (I'm in Falls Church) have multiple violations. We can't afford a nanny, or even a center probably for two. Home care centers aren't sure if they'll have a slot, because it's too early. Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones, but I'm really anxious about this.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm due with twins in August, and know I will need to return to work for financial reasons. I am terrified that we won't be able to find care for the babies that we can afford and isn't scary. Many of the providers listed in my area on the DSS website (I'm in Falls Church) have multiple violations. We can't afford a nanny, or even a center probably for two. Home care centers aren't sure if they'll have a slot, because it's too early. Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones, but I'm really anxious about this.

Any advice?

Do you HAVE to return to the same job?
Childcare was an issue for us too - I ended up resigning from my FT b/c the paychecks wasn't that much more after paying for childcare. So I worked a weekend job instead so I could still have a paycheck (true, not as big as M-F paycheck, but it was still $$) and not have to pay for childcare.

[Anonymous]

Nanny shares are supposed to be cheaper, did you look into that?
Also, as PP said, you might want to see if it's financially really worth it for you to continue working given the price of childcare especially for 2 babies...
Also, do you have family around that might be willing and able to help you? My cousin has her mother-in-law watch her kid and it works out great...

[Anonymous]

OP here, I will look into nanny shares, hadn't really thought of that-- figured it would still be out of reach. No family in the area, so that's out, sadly. As I said before, not working isn't an option, and I make enough that my salary would be really missed. Neither of us makes a ton of money, but together we make it work. Both of us are in talks with our workplaces to see if alternative schedules are an option, but I'd also like for us to spend time together as a family...

thanks for the options so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm due with twins in August, and know I will need to return to work for financial reasons. I am terrified that we won't be able to find care for the babies that we can afford and isn't scary. Many of the providers listed in my area on the DSS website (I'm in Falls Church) have multiple violations. We can't afford a nanny, or even a center probably for two. Home care centers aren't sure if they'll have a slot, because it's too early. Maybe it's just pregnancy hormones, but I'm really anxious about this.

Any advice?

I don't understand why people don't grasp the concept that some people HAVE to return to work or face financial devestation. For all I know, your partner might only make 50K/yr. It is normal for you to be anxious, but you will feel much better when you identify a good place, but in the mean-time tell yourself that it WILL work out, because it will.

I take my son to a lovely home daycare (can't help you she is in Ashburn). I searched high and low and I had to tour a TON of places before I found one that I was comfortable with.

My suggestion is start touring the home daycares. Try to identify 2 that would work for you (I suggest visiting 20). Even if they won't give you a promised slot, let them know your interest and to keep you in mind if any of the other kids drop out. The good ones might have a waiting list. Mine has about 4 kids on "the list" and she has a very low turn over, so it would never be too early to get on her list, even if you were a year out from needing care.

I really think if you start visiting a ton of places, and once you find one that clicks, you will feel much better.

BTW, my daycare lady has a violation or two. Some silly stuff about some paperwork/record keeping...whatever. Sometimes these inspectors can go overboard, so look closely at the violation (you can even call the inspector and ask specific questions) before you pass judgement.

[Anonymous]

This might sound a little extreme but I am going to suggest it anyway....Do you have a family member (maybe the grandma for example) who would be more than happy to move in with you to take care of her grandkids? I don't know anything about your family so I don't know if this is a possibility for you...I know there are out of state, but maybe they would not mind moving to your state. I do know 2 cases where the grandma (who was living in another country) moved in with the family to take care of her grandkids...
Another suggestion that is less extreme: there are au pair programs where you host an au pair from another country in your house for free in exchange for the au pair watching your kids. I know there is a program for au pairs from Germany like that (there might be other programs for other countries as well). It basically works like this: German students want to come to the US for one year to learn English and want a place where they can stay for free and in exchange for that they watch your kids (+ you pay them a little extra pocket money which they use for their English classes and such).

[Anonymous]

Have you considered an au pair? One of my friends has an au pair for her twins and is very happy with the care.

[Anonymous]

Like one of the PPs suggested, when I was waiting for my third child, I looked at all of my daycare options and toured everything within a ten mile radius from my home and then ranked them from never in hell will I put my child here to my top choice. (I had moved between the first two and the third so I couldn't fall back on my prior arrangements). The week I came home with my child, I called my top choice and offered to start paying right away to hold the spot even though I wasn't going back to work for 12 weeks. Luckily I got the slot and my provider didn't require me to advance pay. However, had I waited even a week to call, I would have missed out on the slot.

One thing I want to share with you is a conversation I had with my provider a few weeks ago. She is about to have an infant slot open up and is interviewing families. In talking to my provider, I realized that the interview is a two way street - I guess I was kind of dense before because I hadn't thought about the fact that I wouldn't get the slot for my baby if she didn't like me, much like I wouldn't have choosen her to care for my baby if I didn't like her.

As a provider of infant care with a stellar reputation and great references from everyone in the area, she has way more families interested in her than she has slots. In talking about whom she might take, she shared with me that she will not be taking the mom that expected her to give keep the schedule that she has her child on instead of adjusting her child's schedule to the daycare routine. She was leary of the mom that spent three hours visiting because she felt like the mom didn't trust her and that is just not a good relationship to have between provider and parent. She also said she will not likely take the first time mom because the mom had too many demands that couldn't be met in her setting. She is leaning toward the child who is the second child in the family and whose older sibling already went through daycare because the mom has realistic expectations of what a daycare can do.

I guess the point I am trying to share with you is this. If you are going to go the daycare route, there is not much difference between the programs and what they say they offer - the difference is the people. It will help if you understand what they can offer and then accept it. Spend your time talking with the provider and figuring out if this is the person you will be able to trust to care for your babies. And, realize that while we know our kids better than anyone else, if they've been doing daycare for awhile, they know far more about caring for kids that us moms do.

Good luck to you. I also had to return to work because I carry the health insurance for my family and it was very hard for me too.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for your kind responses. I feel a little better about things, and will figure something out-- I guess going out to visit places should be on the upcoming agenda.

[Anonymous]

findng daycare, stressed me out too. I felt much better (to some degree) when I started visiting places. I too ran into the issue that most home daycare providers weren't really interested in talking to me until after the baby was born. Where as with a center, I needed to be getting on waiting lists very, very early. So I panic'ed that we wouldn't have care lined up in time. But, from my limited experience, if you're going the home daycare route, you do have more time.

What I did was get on a couple of waiting lists for centers and then visited a couple of in home providers shortly after DS was born. And, it all worked out in the end.

[Anonymous]

I probably visited 40 day cares, between centers and in-home care. It was exhausting. And almost as bad, I put down deposits at about 4 places. Nonrefundable deposits. But that's what I had to do to get some peace of mind that I'd have somewhere good for my son. I think I'd seriously explore an au pair if possible. And see if you can change work schedules so that someone is doing a bit of a later drop-off and someone can do a bit of an earlier pick-up.

You "will" find something. It might take a try or two (or a deposit or three), but you will find something that fits your family well. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

We looked at only 3 daycare centers before we made our choice. We live in Reston, so the actual daycare we chose wouldn't be a consideration for you OP, but here are some things that we found made a difference to us:

1. The teachers. 5 mo DD's teacher has been there 25 years. Her secondary teacher has been there 18. This center has very low turnover - most of the teachers have been there over 10 years. This was a huge point for us.

2. We went back a couple of times to observe and also met teachers of the older children. Everyone was eager to talk to us.

3. The children at the center seemed happy and well attended to. Sure, there was a baby crying in the nursery, but it was attended to quickly. Each time I walked thru the doors, I did not hear screaming children.

4. The parents looked happy.

5. We receive a detailed sheet each day that tells us what our child did, what times she ate and how much, what times her diaper was changed and what type of diaper she had, and what times she napped. DH visited one day care where he heard a parent ask the teacher when her child had her last bottle and teacher was not able to tell her.

6. Good security.

7. Everything the kids touch is sanitized every night.


What didn't matter to us:

1. The building we're in is older (think 70's large bricks painted yellow). Not pretty - but we figured out that didn't matter.

Important Fact After We Started
*** Daughter was obviously happy. She always is smiling when I pick her up. DD usually doesn't enjoy getting in her car seat - but she never never cries in the morning when we get her ready for daycare. She giggles and laughs when she sees her teacher.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate all of the replies, more than you'll know.

We will have familial help early on, but once it's time to go back to work, we'll need childcare. Both sets of grandparents are still working, so of course we could never ask them to relocate, nor would we even if they weren't.

We haven't got room for an au pair- 2brs for the twins and us. We're rather young parents, and had planned and saved for one, two was a surprise. And, of course we both work for non-profits, so our pay isn't what it might be in the private sector. I think we clear about 95k for the two of us, which to me seems like a lot, but then comes childcare...

Anyhow, I've been looking today, scouring craigslist, etc. I do think we'll find something, it's just the thing on my mind at the moment. Next week it will be the hospital bag or something else ;o)

[Anonymous]

Child care is freaky, but you will find something. Two sets of friends of mine adopted, one turned out to be twins (now that's a surprise, find out after birth!) and the other found two matches in 3 months. Both had great infant care anxiety, both turned out fine. One does a combo with nearby relatives, the other emailed/called everyone she knew in the area and found home care for both 1/2 mile away. Craig's List, friends, neighbors -- you've hit the right buttons. Your employer might have a relationship, which will put you ahead on a list; a neighbor can be a source. Religious places, JCC, churches, whatever, are another hidden source. I too am in a bind, although not with twins!, and we put down a lot of deposit money as we just cannot visit places now. But we will, and search the other avenues. Good luck, and you will get there. We all do!

[Anonymous]

I would recommend skipping Craigslist. Every place I toured from an ad on Craigslist was filthy. I couldn't believe people let their kids stay there.

I didn't find my in-home provider until about a month after my baby was born, but since you're having twins, you probably do need to start looking a lot earlier. It can be really difficult to find someone, but you will find the right place for your babies. Start asking everyone -- even other mommies at the park or in Buy Buy Baby -- if they know any providers who might have two infant openings.

Sending lots of good vibes your way!