weighing my kids' relationship with their cousins vs. my desire to avoid my sister at Christmas

[Anonymous]

The title says it all. My sister has always been difficult to get along with (I would argue she has diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder...) She lives about 1.5 hours away, and our families used to spend the holidays together (this was a few years ago.) Then she divorced and remarried and pulled away from the rest of the family and our relationship has become strained. Three years ago, we would speak on the phone regularly, now we don't ever. She just invited us over for Christmas, and I am torn. I don't really want to see her for Christmas -- there's just too much baggage that comes with the holiday -- but I feel like I shouldn't deprive my kids of the cousin relationship. I'm leaning towards turning down Christmas itself, but suggesting a more neutral get together over the break. Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Go. See if you can repair things

[Anonymous]

Do what you want to do. If you go into this with dread and resent spending your holidays with someone who pokes at you..you won't have fun.

If you get to a point where you can overlook her barbs and maybe even enjoy her company - get together.

Cousins won't have a great relationship if the parents don't Sorry.

[Anonymous]

I have a very similar situation with my BIL and SIL. They are very toxic people but my husband is deceased and I know how important it would be to him for his brothers kids and our kids to be best friends. Holidays are the worst bc we are forced to spend time together as a family but throughout the year its ALOT easier because I just offer to pick up the kids and go do something with them.

[Anonymous]

Can't you go and spend most of the time socializing with the rest of your family? Accepting your sister's invitation doesn't have to mean spending an entire day of one-on-one time with her. If she's the host, she'll be busy anyways.

[Anonymous]

Go with your instinct- no Christmas but do another get together over the break. Don't sacrifice your holiday.

[Anonymous]

This was my mom and my aunt. My cousins were around my brother and my age. From 5-20 we never really saW them because the adults couldn't get along. When my grandma was dying, we started getting together again. At 24, my one cousin and I got super close again.

I really wish my mom and aunt could have sucked it up for the sake of the kids

[Anonymous]

She just invited us over for Christmas

The details are everything. From what time-to-what time?Go for no longer than 1.5 - 2 hrs, and let her know ahead
of time when you will be there. Is this a sit down meal? Then NO. You don't want to be caught waiting around for the meal
to be ready. Come for dessert instead. Try to avoid cocktail hour. Always have an escape plan. Do not discuss the "whys"
with the kids - not yet if you're giving this relationship a chance. Go at Christmas only if you are not sacrificing some substantial
plans for your own family elsewhere. When in doubt - yes, you have a good idea for doing it another time. Some of the same
recommendations still apply, and best to meet on neutral turf with your own transportation to leave.

[Anonymous]

Turn down Christmas and suggest a more neutral get-together. Your idea was a good one. I don't celebrate Christmas, but it seems really important to the people who do, so you should enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Say you can't for Christmas but suggest another get-together around the holiday.
"The cousin relationship"? I spent weeks every year with my cousins and now, as an adult, rarely talk to them. I don't think your kids care or it will matter, seriously.
Enjoy your holiday and don't do something that's stressful.
--signed, someone who would definitely avoid my brother for Christmas if I could

[Anonymous]

I'm with the people suggesting no to Christmas but if you want to suggest meeting up elsewhere to do that. Meet someplace with lots of distractions so the kids keep you moving, like n arcade or something.