Polite way to say no gifts?

[Anonymous]

DH's brother and sister-in-law and their two kids live about 2 hours from us. We don't see each other except a few times a year. We tend not to usually see each other around gift giving times (birthdays and Christmas). They live in the same town as MIL who we do see more frequently.

Over the years when we give our niece and nephew gifts, I either got in touch with SIL to plan a date to meet around their occasion (a summer birthday, for example), mailed them their gift or gave it to MIL so she could give to them. I try to send them gifts in a timely manner. I don't always receive a thank you note from them.

When it comes to my kids' birthdays, BIL/SIL never make plans to say "hey, we have a little something for Larla and would like to see her around her birthday". They tend to give them their gift (birthday or Christmas) the next time we see them - which is never around the gift giving occasion.

My kids had their birthdays a couple months ago. We saw BIL/SIL/cousins this weekend - we had dinner at a restaurant about 20 minutes from their house. SIL mentioned to me that she forgot their birthday gifts at her house - she remembered when she was halfway to the restaurant. I said it was no big deal and it wasn't like my kids were expecting birthday presents now anyhow.

Niece's birthday is next week and I do plan to send her something since I sent her brother a gift this past summer.

But what is a nice way to say "hey, let's not exchange gifts anymore?" I make the effort to make sure my niece and nephew get their gifts around their birthday/Christmas. BIL/SIL just wait until the next time we see them to give a gift - usually months later. Last Christmas, my kids eventually received their Christmas gifts from them in April (ended up being delivered via my MIL). I just feel like at that point, what's the point? The gift is to acknowledge their birthday/holiday/whatever and months after the fact - well, my kids are just over their birthdays/holidays/looking for the new adventure.

[Anonymous]

I would guess it is always fun for kids to receive a gift, especially if it is unexpected (i.e. Christmas gift in April). I don't see the issue. Your BIL and SIL may not be timely, but they are at least thinking of your children and giving a gift. Some of it may depend on the age of the kids as well. If any of hte kids are particularly young. I know my toddler couldn't care less what day it is. He's always happy to open a box, even if it is something I ordered for myself he still loves to open it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But what is a nice way to say "hey, let's not exchange gifts anymore?" I make the effort to make sure my niece and nephew get their gifts around their birthday/Christmas. BIL/SIL just wait until the next time we see them to give a gift - usually months later. Last Christmas, my kids eventually received their Christmas gifts from them in April (ended up being delivered via my MIL). I just feel like at that point, what's the point? The gift is to acknowledge their birthday/holiday/whatever and months after the fact - well, my kids are just over their birthdays/holidays/looking for the new adventure.

There is not a nice way to say that, especially since your reason is so silly. At one point did your child say, "You know what, Auntie Larla? No thanks for the birthday gift; my birthday has passed and there's no point now." I'm guessing your kid is THRILLED. You think it's important it be around the day of celebration. They don't. Send your gifts whenever you like (or don't send a gift; you are not obligated) and graciously receive their gifts whenever they choose to see them. If it makes you feel better, call it a 'hello, nice to see you gift' instead of a birthday gift. Geesh. People buy your kids gifts and you still complain? That attitude just kills me.

[Anonymous]

Same thing happens to us. It really annoys me. I think gifts should be mailed if you aren't seeing the recipient a few weeks around their birthday. We're incredibly busy and my inlaws always want to have us plan a time to come celebrate our birthdays at their house (3 hours away). We just can't and it's too much, especially traveling. I think they should either come to our house or mail the gift. I've thought about asking them when they would like to come to our house to celebrate their birthdays lol!