DH accuses me of "being into" a mutual friend

[Anonymous]

After enjoying a fun night with friends DH says he noticed that one of our mutual friends (also married) and I are "into each other". I was floored and didn't know what to say at first. After a sleepless night I said yes, we are "into each other" - he is my friend (as is his wife) and nothing more. I like spending time with him and any suggestion of some other type of relationship would seriously jeopardize our close friendship with a family with whom we spend a lot of time. Also suggested he should maybe talk to therapist if this was some insecurity issue. I am still processing this - anyone been through something similar?

[Anonymous]

Is this typical of your DH or out of character?

[Anonymous]

I was just going to say not typical and then I remembered when we were going through a rocky patch a couple of years ago he accused me of flirting with a guy I was seated next to at a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he is not having an affair and just projecting on you out of his own guilt?

[Anonymous]

Op here - I really don't think he is having an affair. We did have a conversation not long ago about how he feels insecure and is not sure people like him. May be related. I swing between thinking it is a closed question and then feeling upset that he would project this on me.

[Anonymous]

Yes. A family friend was going through a divorce. I found out about it in a weird, accidental way, so he talked to me a fair amount about it. Nothing inappropriate - just stuff like how their kids were handling things, what parts of the city were fun to live with kids on the weekend (his ex was staying in the family home in the burbs and he wanted to live downtown). One weekend DH was out of town, and DD (same age as his DD) and I ran into Divorced Friend and his kids at the farmers market. We decided to go to brunch and I missed a call from DH while we were eating. DH was jealous and accused me of "having a family date."

Completely ridiculous and I told him so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I really don't think he is having an affair. We did have a conversation not long ago about how he feels insecure and is not sure people like him. May be related. I swing between thinking it is a closed question and then feeling upset that he would project this on me.

I am not sure how to put this nicely...I was in this kind of relationship earlier...My boyfriend was very insecure in the relationship and would not let me speak to any male friend...I have seen this happens when the girl is more beautiful or smarter than the guy...And the guy thinks he will loose the girl. Not sure if this the case with you.

[Anonymous]

I was "very into" my friend's wife, and she felt the same about me. We just had amazing chemistry. We slept together once, and that was it. And years later she divorced her husband. No harm, no foul.

[Anonymous]

Um, yes harm, yes foul. It's called infidelity, even if it only happens once. You're kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, yes harm, yes foul. It's called infidelity, even if it only happens once. You're kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

To clarify, I was single at the time.

[Anonymous]

But she was married to your "friend."

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are reacting too literally. You are all offended. I don't think your DH was accusing you of anything. I think this is his way of expressing his insecurity that you do not seem so "into him" right now. It's a pretty passive aggressive way of doing it and it does seem to come from insecurity. But rather than just getting mad and suggesting he see a therapist, why not look at your part of it? Have you been giving DH less attention? Do you still light up when you see him? Etc. Etc. I think what he said wasn't right but is him wishing you were all sparkly with him. If it was my DH, I would have said something like "into HIM? Are you crazy? I am totally into you?" And then ravished him. But that's just me.