Reality of multiracial family?

[Anonymous]

Considering international adoption from an Asian country (which we'd like to pick, but most likely we'll go with whatever country that has requirements we can match).
We are a white couple with one child. How is it raising or being raised as the only asian in your family? Anyone from a southern state in this situation? We may be moving south soon.
I'm hoping for some real world stories.

[Anonymous]

I think you might get more and better responses if you repost with a more descriptive title like "Advice for international adoption from Asia by white family?"

I'm white and married to an Asian, so I clicked through expecting to be able to help. I can't in this instance (sorry!), but I do have several friends who were adopted from Asia (mostly Korea) as infants into white families and are deeply, truly loved and love their families. So I know it can and does work out. They are in their mid-30s now.

[Anonymous]

There are so many Asian adoptees (from China, Korea, Vietnam, and other places) who are now adults. It would be great to read some of their writing--https://www.pactadopt.org/adoptees/resources.html#2

[Anonymous]

I'm with ^PP. I clicked on here because we are a mixed race family white/Asian.

We don't have any adopted kids, but from all the articles I have read about Korean children being adopted by white parents here in the US, some of the parents tried to discourage the kids from keeping a part of their heritage - food, language, culture. A lot of those kids had issues as adults, and some went back to Korea to find themselves.

I met a Korean woman like this. She told me her adoptive parents never allowed her to speak Korean to her also adopted Korean sibling. And she missed her Korean food growing up. I know another woman who adopted a baby from Korea. I gave her some Korean children's CD. The mom didn't know any Korean, but music is universal. I think now a days, you can find so many bilingual books and tv programs.

Also, as an Asian person, I would hate being the lone or just handful of Asian kids in a school. So, if you do move South, maybe you could try to find somewhere where there are more than just a handful of Asians. Bonus if there is a Korean restaurant nearby.

So, while I don't have any personal experience, just from my one anecdotal experience and reading these sad stories, if you do adopt from Korea (or China or any other country), don't do what those parents did.

GL to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you might get more and better responses if you repost with a more descriptive title like "Advice for international adoption from Asia by white family?"

I'm white and married to an Asian, so I clicked through expecting to be able to help. I can't in this instance (sorry!), but I do have several friends who were adopted from Asia (mostly Korea) as infants into white families and are deeply, truly loved and love their families. So I know it can and does work out. They are in their mid-30s now.

+1. Your title is misleading.

[Anonymous]

I feel very strongly one should adopt within their own race when possible. There are so many stories of adult who got adopted from countries into the US, into white families...they are not happy stories. Why adopt a different race if you can adopt your own? That is never ever understandable to me because there are so many children in need of a good home right in the US.

If you adopt a child who already has a name DO NOT change that child's first name. That's a disgusting thing to do. Unless maybe it's a newborn. But even then make sure you chose a culturally appropriate name.

Respect your future child's heritage. Find a way to have them learn/keep their language. Find a way to have them participate or get to know in their cultural festivities, holidays etc. Make sure your child grows up with other children of the same race and make sure they get in contact with other adopted kids to process and have someone who really understands what they might be going through. Find a way to visit your child's home country if your child wishes to do so. Do not ever discourage your child to find their roots. All of their roots.

But again: from personal experience - adopt within your own race.

[Anonymous]

PP here. If you end up adopting from a foreign country make sure you learn as much about that country as possible. Learn the language. Food. Culture. History. The older the child you adopt the more important this is because it allows to bring a piece of home into the new home without having to uproot the entire fragile little human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel very strongly one should adopt within their own race when possible. There are so many stories of adult who got adopted from countries into the US, into white families...they are not happy stories. Why adopt a different race if you can adopt your own? That is never ever understandable to me because there are so many children in need of a good home right in the US.

If you adopt a child who already has a name DO NOT change that child's first name. That's a disgusting thing to do. Unless maybe it's a newborn. But even then make sure you chose a culturally appropriate name.

Respect your future child's heritage. Find a way to have them learn/keep their language. Find a way to have them participate or get to know in their cultural festivities, holidays etc. Make sure your child grows up with other children of the same race and make sure they get in contact with other adopted kids to process and have someone who really understands what they might be going through. Find a way to visit your child's home country if your child wishes to do so. Do not ever discourage your child to find their roots. All of their roots.

But again: from personal experience - adopt within your own race.

I read an article on facebook a few months back and was so surprised. It was on Korean adoption and there so many negative comments from Koreans adults who were adopted as kids into white families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel very strongly one should adopt within their own race when possible. There are so many stories of adult who got adopted from countries into the US, into white families...they are not happy stories. Why adopt a different race if you can adopt your own? That is never ever understandable to me because there are so many children in need of a good home right in the US.

If you adopt a child who already has a name DO NOT change that child's first name. That's a disgusting thing to do. Unless maybe it's a newborn. But even then make sure you chose a culturally appropriate name.

Respect your future child's heritage. Find a way to have them learn/keep their language. Find a way to have them participate or get to know in their cultural festivities, holidays etc. Make sure your child grows up with other children of the same race and make sure they get in contact with other adopted kids to process and have someone who really understands what they might be going through. Find a way to visit your child's home country if your child wishes to do so. Do not ever discourage your child to find their roots. All of their roots.

But again: from personal experience - adopt within your own race.

I read an article on facebook a few months back and was so surprised. It was on Korean adoption and there so many negative comments from Koreans adults who were adopted as kids into white families.

As with most things in life, the people who speak up are usually either very unhappy or very happy. The middle ground doesn't often weigh in. I'm a Korean adoptee and in the Korean adoptee world, even the two extremes acknowledge this. Don't let one article on FB inform your whole perspective on Korean adoption.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I knew a woman who was adopted from Africa into a white family. She'd say that sometimes it was hard being the only black person in the family, but being part of a family who wanted and loved her was better than the alternative.

I don't think race of a child makes as much of a difference as good parenting.

[Anonymous]

I think that reading about the experiences of adult adoptees in interesting, but they may not be really similar to the experiences of young children being adopted in 2015. I think the stigma of being an adoptive family, interracial or not, has decreased in the last decades. Ideas about what a family should look like have broadened. And ideas about how to raise any child who is adopted have changed a lot in the past 30 or so years. Parents are given more guidance on honoring who the child is, including being respectful of the birthparent and the child's culture. There isn't this idea that you can just throw a child into a family of a different race and pretend that difference doesn't exist. Time will tell, but I tend to think the experiences of young children being adopted right now will be better than those of adoptees who are now in adulthood. At any rate, I think it shows great care for your possible future child or children that you are researching this question. I've liked Cheri Register's books on the subject, especially the one called "Are Those Kids Yours?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel very strongly one should adopt within their own race when possible. There are so many stories of adult who got adopted from countries into the US, into white families...they are not happy stories. Why adopt a different race if you can adopt your own? That is never ever understandable to me because there are so many children in need of a good home right in the US.

If you adopt a child who already has a name DO NOT change that child's first name. That's a disgusting thing to do. Unless maybe it's a newborn. But even then make sure you chose a culturally appropriate name.

Respect your future child's heritage. Find a way to have them learn/keep their language. Find a way to have them participate or get to know in their cultural festivities, holidays etc. Make sure your child grows up with other children of the same race and make sure they get in contact with other adopted kids to process and have someone who really understands what they might be going through. Find a way to visit your child's home country if your child wishes to do so. Do not ever discourage your child to find their roots. All of their roots.

But again: from personal experience - adopt within your own race.

A large number of orphans in the world who are black, Asian or Latino. What do you propose to do with them?