Extra help for debate or essays or poetry or project presentations

[Anonymous]

My daughter is in high school. Loves to participate in a few after school activities and is shy or apprehensive about participating on other activities.
But once she gets success in any after school activity, she goes forward and participates without parent intervention.
by success, what I mean is, like an award.

It was easy to give her some advise in elementary or middle school.
It is not that simple now.

She is having a tough time participating in presentations at school and pretty much there is 1 project presentation a week.
Not willing to take any advise from me or practice with me as an audience. Not even using ipad for this.
She is obviously loosing a lot of points and her grade is leaning towards B.
She wants to be able to confidently speak and present her project or poetry or participate in debate.

But I am sure that once she does well in a few of these presentations, she will be fine.

Please share your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Does her school have a speech and debate team?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does her school have a speech and debate team?

There is debate team at school. but she is attending it pretty reluctantly. As I said, if she has not seen that this is something that can be learnt and excelled at, she will not attempt it.
Not sure of she is afraid of failure or not getting selected to go and participate or general public speaking shyness.

some class presentation is coming up on Friday and I am trying my best to get her to practice and present it before me.
I am not an expert but I am trying to give only constructive feedback and compliments. If I tell her 10 things 100 times, she may take 1 advice out of those 10.
very exhausting process for a parent. she is not happy to present the skit before me.
This one is a skit and needs dramatization (language class).
I am not sure how she will handle it. This is second quarter. We want her to do well this quarter.

She used to come home and announce any upcoming presentations at home. But since I am making her practice before me, she stopped telling me any such homework.

[Anonymous]

She needs to get freaking real. You don't get rewarded all the time. My 7th grader is in the GSA, student gov't as treasurer and does tennis and track (depending on season). There are no awards for the first two.

Did she ever hear the phrase "It's not the destination, but the journey that's important"?

THIS is why every kid shouldn't be getting a trophy in soccer! Now she's only motivated by an award.

[Anonymous]

The only way to nail a presentation is practice. She will know she has practiced enough when the thought of giving the presentation no longer makes her seriously nervous when thinking about it. When she practices in front of you, ask if she wants feedback or not. If she says no, that don't give any unless she is doing something that would seriously impact the delivery ie speaking so quickly she gasps for air

[Anonymous]

You do know a B won't doom her to a life of mediocrity?

You can't solve this one for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do know a B won't doom her to a life of mediocrity?

You can't solve this one for her.

+1

Let her have her B

[Anonymous]

As they get older, lots of kids don't want to practice or role play in front of their parents anymore. Some are intimidated and others just feel silly. She may prefer practicing in front of her mirror or just going over it by herself. Agree with other PPs that the whole needing an award to continue something is a little odd though. Getting a B in MS is not anything to worry about. She will figure it out and be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She used to come home and announce any upcoming presentations at home. But since I am making her practice before me, she stopped telling me any such homework.

And what does that tell you?

OP, when are you going to let her do her own work? Are there classes where you step back? What makes you think you're qualified to provide advice? Do you teach? Do you teach at her school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does her school have a speech and debate team?

There is debate team at school. but she is attending it pretty reluctantly. As I said, if she has not seen that this is something that can be learnt and excelled at, she will not attempt it.
Not sure of she is afraid of failure or not getting selected to go and participate or general public speaking shyness.

some class presentation is coming up on Friday and I am trying my best to get her to practice and present it before me.
I am not an expert but I am trying to give only constructive feedback and compliments. If I tell her 10 things 100 times, she may take 1 advice out of those 10.
very exhausting process for a parent. she is not happy to present the skit before me.
This one is a skit and needs dramatization (language class).
I am not sure how she will handle it. This is second quarter. We want her to do well this quarter.

She used to come home and announce any upcoming presentations at home. But since I am making her practice before me, she stopped telling me any such homework.

OP, she's in high school. Instead of having her practice in front of you, suggest (don't insist, suggest) that she get together with other kids from her class (ones she knows are interested in doing the work and not goofing off) and that they practice for each other--no parents around.

Does her high school have a daily "study hall" type of session where kids have a free period they're supposed to use to do homework or see teachers or whatever needs to be done? (It's called LEARN in our high school and I know a lot of high schools have started doing these daily, with the time change this year.) She can meet with other kids during that time and get a teacher involved to listen to them as well. She, not you, needs to be working on this.

It sounds as if she's the kind of kid who balks at things at which she's not already good. (Don't we all, a bit?) And she's also being a normal teenager and asserting herself-- that is why she won't take your advice those 100 times you give it. You mean well. But you're driving her away by demanding that she "present the skit before me" or by "making her practice before me." Leave it in her hands. Just tell her that you are there for her if she needs supplies, or a ride to someone's house to practice or study, and remind her that she's very capable of going to a receptive teacher and saying, "I don't have a lot of experience at presentations--could some of us students get together in your room during our study hall or after school or before school to practice in front of each other?" That will do her good in many ways -- she will be the one taking charge; she will frankly look good to the teacher, who will see she has initiative; she will get practice.

Your concern about a B is worrying, OP. Please don't pressure your high schooler as if a B were a problem and a fault. My all-As middle schooler is seeing grades in freshman year that are kind of surprising to her but I was warned early that high school is a big transition academically and personally and to try to back off as a parent. I too would like to have her practice things for me or let me read things she's done but I'm biting my tongue and trying hard to say, "Is that something you can work on during (study hall)?" or "You know, you could email the teacher about that if you have a concern."

If your child is going to debate team only reluctantly, did she want to join it, or did you push her to do it? If it's extracurricular, please, let her do the extracurriculars or clubs or teams that she wants to do, not ones that you want her to do to develop some skill. Debate is not the same thing as class presentations; yes, debate will get her up in front of people to talk, but only some of the time --a lot of debate is about doing research and writing, and while that's good, if she dislikes it, then pushing her to do it might make her even less thrilled with doing classroom presentations, not better at them.

[Anonymous]

let her practice in front of a mirror with no audience. I woukldn't want to practice in front of my mother or anyone else either... especially when it's choppy.

[Anonymous]

The way I read your post is that your DD is having trouble overcoming her shyness/anxiety and that it's impacting her choices. Yeah?