Grandma thinks she knows my child better than I do
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Anonymous
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Looks like grandma (my mother) is going to cause WWIII this Thanksgiving because DH and I feel our 2.5 year old is ready for a part time toddler preschool. My parents visit about once every 2-3 months- we live a plane ride away for several days at a time. Somehow, that makes my mother think she is an expert on my child. When I told her matter of factly that he will be enrolling in a program next month, she nearly lost her mind, insisting he is too young for such a program and why can't I just take him to a program for moms and toddlers at the library??!! I don't know where she gets off having an opinion and saying things like "I can tell he is just not ready for preschool". She is a retired 5th grade teacher so it's not like she has a degree in early child development or taught preschool ever. In fact, when we took him to check out the program he will be attending, he seemed really happy to be there and was upset when we removed him from the room where they allowed him to start playing with the toys and other children.
Knowing my mother, she's going to bring this up repeatedly at Thanksgiving until we tell her she's right, we will keep DS home for another year until SHE thinks he's ready. I am really amazed by her reaction to this. I've been home with him for well over two years and DH and I strongly believe this will be the best thing for him. He's a very curious, social child and sitting home with me day after day isn't the right thing for him. Without knowing a thing about the school, my mother started pounding me with questions about it and trying to find any possible flaw. She doesn't even know the name of the school and she lost her sh$t. I don't know why she thinks she's part of this decision. Honestly, I don't want her coming for the holiday if she's going to harass us over this. DH is even starting to get a short fuse with her because she injects her opinion on everything as if we asked her for her thoughts. He's going to this school regardless of what she thinks, of course. And if it doesn't work out? Big deal, withdraw and find a more appropriate situation. i just know she'll be waiting in the wings for something to go wrong-- there are bullies at preschools and DS can be bullied! she declared as if bullying is a new thing-- and will be more than happy to pounce on us for being awful parents. Thanks for listening. |
Anonymous
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"Mom, we are happy with our decision, and I am not going to discuss it any more."
Don't go into the details, just repeat. |
Anonymous
| Yep. Mine is the same. She lives across the country from us, barely seen my kids for more than a few days at a time, maybe once every 2 yrs. But, she's had four kids so she knows better than me about how what my child needs. Okaaaayy. Our last phone conversation we pissed each other off. Oh well. |
Anonymous
Yep. And don't lose your cool. PS- there was a thread a while back about people whose relatives are/were teachers feeling like they know everything and barking orders. Your mom sounds like she fits the stereotype! |
Anonymous
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I would end it right away with this, "Of coarse you are right mom. You always are. BUT we are going to put him in pre school anyways."
She always needs to be right. Let her and tell her you're going to do what you want anyways. |
Anonymous
| Why are you giving her opinion so much weight? Just smile and say "You're entitled to your opinion," and move on. |
Anonymous
16:41 here. If I say that to my mother she'd pretend she didn't hear me and just keep going on and on about it. She doesn't know when to stop. It drives everyone, including her husband, my father, batty. |
Anonymous
Then you follow up looking her in the eye. "Mom, did you hear me? I'm/we're not talking about this anymore. How is Jane's gout?" |
Anonymous
| Maybe she saw "The Hell of American Daycare"? |
Anonymous
OP here. Unfortunately, she does. She has always spoken to everyone in a family as if they're children. She asks the questions, they're supposed to have answers and can be swayed with money or food. She is getting worse by the year and on top of it, has anxiety issues. Funny thing about this situation-- when I was about 4 years old, my mom used to drop me off every morning at her friend's house to be babysat before school started. This friend had a daughter who actually was a little bully and at various points, made my childhood difficult. Still, my mother made me go to their house every morning (it was basically free babysitting) and when I was older, continue to spend time there because, in her words, "[Larla's] mom is such a nice person and a good friend of mine." |
Anonymous
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We get a lot of unsolicited advice about our children. I'm always gracious, take the advice, file it in my mine and do what I want. I keep the advice and options available just in case my plan A fails. I've had times when unsolicited advice has become plan B or plan C for us.
I usually say "Thanks! I'll think about that." or "I'll consider that." or "Spouse and I will talk about it." (meaning my wife and I) If the person is pushy, then I'll just respond "I said I'll think about it, but I'm not going to do so during Thanksgiving dinner." or "I said we'll talk about it and we'll do so, but not now." and then change the topic. |
Anonymous
| Tell your mother--- mom, this is our decision. Accept it in peace or stay home.---and stick by your guns. If she brings it up again on the phone, say---mom, I've decided. If you keep on, I'll hang up. ---and then do so. |
Anonymous
| Wait until kid is older and in sports, classes, etc. and your mother goes off telling you how overprogrammed kiddo is. |
Anonymous
| Tell her she's welcome in your home if and only if she shows you respect as parents. |
Anonymous
And time to grow up, OP. Let your mom have whatever reaction/opinions she wants. This has nothing to do with thinking she knows your kid better. Don't be so petty. |