am I a gold-digger?

[Anonymous]

Am I a golddigger if I want my dh to earn more money and be more ambitious so we have a more secure and comfortable life for ourselves and our children?

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. A gold digger is someone who seeks out a partner who already has money.

[Anonymous]

Depends. Are you willing to put in the same effort to earn your share of it?

[Anonymous]

Some people have a higher need for economic stability. Some men have a high need for an attractive spouse. It's not shallow. Who cares what other people think, you're the one who has to be in the relationship anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends. Are you willing to put in the same effort to earn your share of it?

Sure. I know I am ambitious however, I am concerned he will not lift his share of the load. I certainly do not want to be the primary breadwinner on top of being the primary caregiver. I need him to meet me at least, halfway and provide for us.

[Anonymous]

You'd be a gold digger if you ditched the husband for a guy with more money just because of the money. If you are trophy wife material there may be options out there for you. Trophy wifing is hard work though, and you've got to have a plan B for when the next wife comes along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends. Are you willing to put in the same effort to earn your share of it?

Agree. And it doesn't need to be dollar for dollar, hour for hour -- but being a real give/take team is contrary to gold digging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends. Are you willing to put in the same effort to earn your share of it?

Sure. I know I am ambitious however, I am concerned he will not lift his share of the load. I certainly do not want to be the primary breadwinner on top of being the primary caregiver. I need him to meet me at least, halfway and provide for us.

Would you be okay being the primary breadwinner if he was the primary caregiver?

I feel like there's a background here that you're not sharing with us, and looking to use answers here to justify your position.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

No and my advice is to not allow people to slap misogynistic labels on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I a golddigger if I want my dh to earn more money and be more ambitious so we have a more secure and comfortable life for ourselves and our children?

Would you leave him if he had a job that he enjoyed that paid less? Would you leave him if he turned down a higher paying job to keep the job he likes/is comfortable with? Would you leave him if he lost his higher paying job and took a lower paying job? If the answer is any of these, then, yes, you are a gold-digger. If the income is more important to you than the person, then yes, you are a gold-digger. If the person is worth more than the income, then no. Just wanting more, isn't the problem. Wanting more and taking action if he doesn't come through with more is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No and my advice is to not allow people to slap misogynistic labels on you.

How is calling someone who marries for money a gold digger misogyny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I a golddigger if I want my dh to earn more money and be more ambitious so we have a more secure and comfortable life for ourselves and our children?

Would you leave him if he had a job that he enjoyed that paid less? Would you leave him if he turned down a higher paying job to keep the job he likes/is comfortable with? Would you leave him if he lost his higher paying job and took a lower paying job? If the answer is any of these, then, yes, you are a gold-digger. If the income is more important to you than the person, then yes, you are a gold-digger. If the person is worth more than the income, then no. Just wanting more, isn't the problem. Wanting more and taking action if he doesn't come through with more is the problem.

My problem isn't even the money. I find I'm losing attraction to him because he is so meek and shy and unmotivated. I wish he had drive and passion for something. That's so so sexy.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends. Are you willing to put in the same effort to earn your share of it?

Agree. And it doesn't need to be dollar for dollar, hour for hour -- but being a real give/take team is contrary to gold digging.

If it's not dollar for dollar, it should be at least hour for hour -- if not require you to sacrifice more hours to compensate for his putting in more dollars.