Friend is having a baby. I'm jealous.

[Anonymous]

My 28 year old friend is having her first baby. I'm jealous. I'm the same age and me and my boyfriend are no way near ready to have a kid. Best case scenario I'm thinking at 34.

Just anxious about it.

[Anonymous]

Stop it. If you were having a baby now you would be super anxious and upset because your life is not ready for you to have a child in it.

My SIL just had her first baby, three months before turning 39. She was married for six years first. They are happy and stable as hell. Wait until your life is ready. Be happy for your friend.

[Anonymous]

Not much of a friend,are you?

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. But is it really about the baby, or where you wish you were in your life and relationship?

[Anonymous]

I think it's normal to wish you had what your friends had. It doesn't mean you don't think they shoudn't have it - just that you want the same things. Most people envy other people at some point. I think it's human nature to want what others have sometimes. It's not like you're trying to take it from her. It's not like you're trying to rain on her parade.

Look at it this way: you have a great opportunity to see up-close and firsthand what babies are like. You can go over to see the baby and hang out with the baby and then... you get to give it back, and go home to your clean house that doesn't smell like spit-up and you get to have a good night's sleep and possibly some sex. which is pretty glorious, if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 29 year old who had a baby at 28...and is envious of my friends who are able to travel with more unrestricted budgets, spend Saturdays sleeping in, get puppies when they want them, continue to pursue hobbies and interests...

Plus, it stinks to be the only one in our social circle with a child. Our friends are just now getting married, so it'll likely be a couple years before they begin the baby making.

You have to let go of the jealousy as best as you can, or it will drive you insane. Find the good in what you have, and focus on that. Baby making isn't a race.

[Anonymous]

Trust me, you won't be jealous when you see her after having her baby and her house is a disaster, she hasn't showered in days plus her nipples are sore and raw.

And while you get a good night's rest every single night, she will be living like a vampire for the next few months.

Caring for an infant is emotionally as well as physically draining and her marriage dynamic will change too.

Until you are fully ready, you really should wait before you dive into parenting. Because once you're in it, then you have to be in it to win it.

Enjoy your life freedom. Travel, enjoy favorite past times and don't forget to keep learning something new. Every. Single. Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 28 year old friend is having her first baby. I'm jealous. I'm the same age and me and my boyfriend are no way near ready to have a kid. Best case scenario I'm thinking at 34.

Just anxious about it.

Actually, that IS the best case scenario. I had my first at 34 -- after travel, grad school and lots of fun with my BF-then-DH! Have fun! Enjoy life. Buy your friend a nice shower gift, then go to a beach where you can show off a bikini body. With attentive BF! Enjoy as much travel with him (and without) as possible before tying yourself down with a family. When you finally have one, you'll neither feel deprived nor competitive. Just remember to space out the kids so that you enjoy them too. You'll be fine; everything will be O.K.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a popular opinion on DCUM, and it won't change trends.

OP, don't wait until you think everything is perfect in life to have kids.

I am in my mid-40s and my friends from high school are now grandparents. Their kids are in their 20s, having babies.

My grandparents were retired in their 50s! And they were still young enough to enjoy their grandchildren. My parents were married with a house and kids in their 20s.

If you want to have a family now, find a man who shares the same goals.

This morning, I was thinking about an ex BF of mine, who married a woman 25 years younger than he at the age of 55. He is now 56 with a one year old child. He is 14 years away from being 70! Can you imagine his wife, at the age of 45 she will have a 15 year old kid and 70 year old husband.

People in DC can be really messed up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 28 year old friend is having her first baby. I'm jealous. I'm the same age and me and my boyfriend are no way near ready to have a kid. Best case scenario I'm thinking at 34.

Just anxious about it.

Meh. She'll be up to her elbows in shit soon. Literally.

[Anonymous]

OP, go to PetSmart and get a 10 pound bag of kitty litter and carry it with you everywhere you go for a week. Then imagine doing that for years.

[Anonymous]

Take some time to grieve what you thought life would look like, if that is relevant, and then let it go. I always wanted a kid in late 20s but ended up not finding the right person and getting married until 29 and then various things made us wait a few years to have kids. There are times I look at my friends whose kids are older, and think I wish I weren't sti dealing with diapers, but I have the life I have and older kids would have their own challenges and I would have just been dealing with diapers at a different time in life!

[Anonymous]

I really really really thought I wanted kids in my late 20s. Now that I'm divorced from that guy and remarried at 36, I'm so glad I didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a popular opinion on DCUM, and it won't change trends.

OP, don't wait until you think everything is perfect in life to have kids.

I am in my mid-40s and my friends from high school are now grandparents. Their kids are in their 20s, having babies.

My grandparents were retired in their 50s! And they were still young enough to enjoy their grandchildren. My parents were married with a house and kids in their 20s.

If you want to have a family now, find a man who shares the same goals.

This morning, I was thinking about an ex BF of mine, who married a woman 25 years younger than he at the age of 55. He is now 56 with a one year old child. He is 14 years away from being 70! Can you imagine his wife, at the age of 45 she will have a 15 year old kid and 70 year old husband.

People in DC can be really messed up!

I think there is some truth to this. PP, do you have kids? You didn't mention if you do in your post. I have one, and its really, really hard even though my husband and I have good jobs and a very strong marriage. I can't imagine how hard it would be to have a child with someone that I didn't have a strong relationship with. I'm 35 and my husband is 38 and we have an 18 month old, so we are pretty typical age-wise for first time parents in the DC area. I think having kids in your early to mid 30s is a great balance. You are still young but are mature enough to handle the responsibilities of being a parent. You also have had time to grow up, "find yourself," and hopefully establish a strong relationship. Of course, their are fertility concerns, but there are fertility concerns for many women even when they are in their 20s. Ultimately, you can't live your life by someone else's timeline. Don't waste your time in the wrong relationship, but don't force a relationship with someone just so you can check off boxes on life checklist.

[Anonymous]

Your friend's timeline does not have to be the same as your timeline. Comparison is the thief of joy. Live your life. When you are ready to get married, you will. When you are ready for a baby, you'll do that too. For now, live your life where you are. And maybe have fun picking out a cute outfit for your friend's baby.