Divorce pending during application period

[Anonymous]

The recent thread on divorced families and private school has me angsting.

My situation:

One kid already in K-8 school.
Another kid will be applying next year to K.

Two questions:

1. When the news of the impending divorce breaks, should I call the AD and say, "Just so you know, I am committed to continuing DC1 at school and to DC2's application." (And somehow subtely say, by the way, yes, I can afford it without FA.)

2. Is it even worth looking at other schools? Or with two strikes against us (divorce and sib somewhere else), is it not even worth looking?

We're happy with the school for DC1, and it is probably a good fit for DC2 as well. We just thought it was worth looking around to see if something else jumped out at us for DC2. Of course, all this talk of we and us will soon be no more, and I don't know how long it will be before he becomes cooperative again.

Another option is to wait until the whole process is over, but that's a long time in a difficult situation.

[Anonymous]

Don't mention your private business to the school. Apply anywhere you want.
This IS a free country, let's keep it that way.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't understand your response or how I can keep my private business private. Am I supposed to wait for the day I get the call from school, "Why is little Johnny sitting in the corner crying about how he misses Daddy?" Am I supposed to say, "I really have no idea?" I plan to inform DC1's teachers if the break happens during the school year. I would call them and let them know if our PET died. I can't imagine I wouldn't mention the whole Daddy moved out last weekend thing. We are talking about young elementary kids here.

But you all tell me if I am carrying that open communication thing too far (maybe my preschool mistrained me, since they call to ask if DC#2 has been missing naps).

[Anonymous]

I would just be honest and upfront but not so forthcoming that it becomes an issue of lacking boundaries. I would make sure you stress that proper supports are being put in place for the children during this time, and that these supports will continue to be in place until which time it seems that the children no longer need them.

[Anonymous]

I think that most people on this board WAY over-think admissions decisions. I can understand why they do, it's human nature to want to be able to concretely explain why some kids are accepted and others aren't, but the truth is there is no magic formula. I seriously doubt that your marital status will have any impact with regards to whether or not a school accepts DC. Plus ADs talk to hundreds of parents each year and as a result most have developed pretty good radar for the contrived "perfect happy family with the perfect genius kid" spiel that people on this board would lead you to believe you have to have in order to even have a chance at being accepted anywhere. Do what's best for your family now. I seriously doubt that it will affect admission for DC. Best wishes to you and your family!

[Anonymous]

In my experience, schools are EXTREMELY supportive of kids/families who are already enrolled, and that would extend to younger siblings. Not that getting divorced would confer some weird advantage, but it certainly wouldn't be held against you.

Unless, of course, you start informing the school of restraining orders or the like...

[Anonymous]

It's not clear where you are in the proces ...

When you apply for your youngest, you will be applying as divorced or separated parents, with two separate addresses, correct? If so, they'll see that. It may come up during the interview, it may not. I don't believe tThey will not know how recent the divorce is.

As for your older child, if you have not done so, you should notify her teachers when appropriate (for instance, when you tell the children, when someone moves out) so they can be on the lookout for changes in behavior.

As for your younger daughter's chances, it's impossible to know how divorce impacts admissions. Let's hope not. I'm divorced and DC got into his second choice school, which is a good fit.

Good luck all around.

[Anonymous]

It is just not something that I would think of mentioning. Maybe b/c we are more private, but I would not say anything unless there is a box to check for "getting a divorce". I would tell them in the fall...if you need to.

[Anonymous]

Look at the applications. If you know you are getting a divorce, and have two separate residences by the fall, and the divorce will be final by the time contracts are due in the spring, just apply as a two-household family. I think it would be stranger if you pretended not to be separated but then when you submit the contract yuo are. And don't pretend not to be, that's fraud. It's not a question of privacy, it's legalities.