How do I act around this child?

[Anonymous]

Poor choice of words for the title, sorry.

I recently kind of hit it off with another mom I met at church and we've talked about getting together socially. Her son has high functioning autism, so I'm wondering what I can expect and how I can not offend her by saying something idiotic - or more likely,by just ignoring him. I'm clueless about interacting with children besides my own, to the extent that after I ask how old they are, I have no idea what to say. I guess what I'm getting at is that you can't tell me to treat him like any other child, because I will likely offend her by doing so (because I will come off very awkward).

Tips for me?

[Anonymous]

Similarly to other kids, you might inquire about school, hobbies, sports, holiday wish list, vacation plans, current events....

[Anonymous]

The same as other kids. Saying he has high functioning autism could be a host of issues so without being specific its hard to know his situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to venture a guess that he will interact in the same ways that children who manifest a human form do.

[Anonymous]

I should have also said that I don't have any friends with kids, so this will literally be the first time I've socialized with someone who has a child older than newborn.

He's also 6...do 6 year olds talk about things like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to venture a guess that he will interact in the same ways that children who manifest a human form do.

Ok, I see I offended you. That was not my intent.

Like I said, I don't know how to interact with children, and if I act like I normally act with kids, I'll offend his mom, and maybe him too. I guess there's nothing I can do about it, though.

[Anonymous]

I find this post both heartbreaking and bizarre beyond belief.

There is no need for you to "act" around this child, and no need for you to be so nervous and tie yourself up in knots about offending your new friend.

The last thing this child needs is a synthetic version of you presented and packaged for his consumption. And social relationships with special needs families are not so delicate and tenuous that they can be dissolved over another mother failing to somehow have the special secret sauce to interact with our kids.

Please, just be yourself. It is a treat to get to know another mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should have also said that I don't have any friends with kids, so this will literally be the first time I've socialized with someone who has a child older than newborn.

He's also 6...do 6 year olds talk about things like that?

Okay, that explains your nervousness. You just don't know kids. Yes, 6 year olds can be quite talkative and have many opinions. They like an audience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is no need for you to "act" around this child, and no need for you to be so nervous and tie yourself up in knots about offending your new friend.
.

So if I ask how how old he is and what grade, and ignore him from then on because I've never successful interacted with a child before, you're saying that's ok? That he won't feel hurt and his mom won't be offended?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is no need for you to "act" around this child, and no need for you to be so nervous and tie yourself up in knots about offending your new friend.
.

So if I ask how how old he is and what grade, and ignore him from then on because I've never successful interacted with a child before, you're saying that's ok? That he won't feel hurt and his mom won't be offended?

That could be fine. But I think you should "let it flow." Don't be scripted.

Without meaning to offend, do you suffer from anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is no need for you to "act" around this child, and no need for you to be so nervous and tie yourself up in knots about offending your new friend.
.

So if I ask how how old he is and what grade, and ignore him from then on because I've never successful interacted with a child before, you're saying that's ok? That he won't feel hurt and his mom won't be offended?

That could be fine. But I think you should "let it flow." Don't be scripted.

Without meaning to offend, do you suffer from anxiety?

I don't. I've just always been an old soul, and I don't understand children. I was always the girl hanging out with the leaders on Girl Scout camping trips and such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should have also said that I don't have any friends with kids, so this will literally be the first time I've socialized with someone who has a child older than newborn.

He's also 6...do 6 year olds talk about things like that?

Ask him how he likes school. Ask him what he likes to do outside of school. Just like you would get to know anyone, ask open-ended questions that let him lead you.

[Anonymous]

High functioning autism is such a wide end of the spectrum that I can't advise you without more information. Mom of a kid on the ASD spectrum here: my DS gets very high grades in math and has very specific interests which baffle adults because then he acts like a slightly immature kid with interests in cartoons for kids several years younger too. Many adults don't know "what's wrong" with him because they think his quirks are a behavioral problem as opposed to a complex neurological issue.

here's my advice: let it go. Every kid has uneven development as far as I have observed. I'd rather have a kid who has a slight obsession with anime, architecture or aviation history (not my ASD kid, but many others) than some other parent's kid who's prematurely sexual, materialistic or into drugs (many kids who qualify as "Neurotypical" or "normal" both when I was a kid and now as I observe children of my peers).

Another piece of advice: follow the Golden Rule. Treat the child and parents as you would like them to treat yourself and your child. Who knows? That kid could become captain of the Debate Team or Science Club President. S/he could grow up to be Steve Jobs or Bill Gates.

Tolerance is key.

I can't get any more specific until you give specific advice/observations/complaints about the kid/parents. You're too vague from the start.

No offense intended. Just friendly advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is no need for you to "act" around this child, and no need for you to be so nervous and tie yourself up in knots about offending your new friend.
.

So if I ask how how old he is and what grade, and ignore him[i][u] from then on because I've never successful interacted with a child before, you're saying that's ok? That he won't feel hurt and his mom won't be offended?

If by "ignore him" you mean that if the child tries to talk to you, you don't respond and continue what you were doing, then yes - the kid will feel hurt and the mom will be offended. As we all would.

But if you mean that you ask a question or two and then direct your attention to the adults in the room, while the kid does their own thing, then no - neither of them will be offended in the least. I have a 6 year old boy. After a few pleasantries (if I can even manage him to talk that much to a stranger!) he will happily entertain himself or play with the other kids in the room.

Don't stress OP. Just go have fun with the other mom.

[Anonymous]

Be honest with the mom. Tell her you don't really know how to act around other kids. It is much better that she understands your potential awkwardness comes from a place of ignorance than malice.

My friends all know, from me telling them, that I am not a kid person. I joke that my own kid is lucky I usually like him. My friends know that it isn't that I don't like their child, I just don't really like any kids.