Being attracted to others guys improves sex life with DH

[Anonymous]

I've been married for 9 years and am not attracted to my husband. His unattractive physical qualities have mostly increased over the years, and the passion/chemistry that helped me overlook them in the beginning has waned. Added to the general stressors of parenting and everyday life, we have sex very infrequently. The times when I am most attracted to him and want sex is when I meet a man that I'm attracted to. I fantasize about him which gets me in the mood and then I pounce on DH. It's getting to the point where I look forward to meeting men that can act as a mental proxy while I'm with my husband. I've never cheated and obviously have infrequent opportunities to meet desirable men in my everyday life. I guess I'm just wondering, do other women do this? Are there any DHs out there who would be open to the idea of their wife flirting with other men as foreplay for sex? My husband is definitely not satisfied with how infrequently we have sex, and he's pretty open-minded to finding things that turn me on. But I don't know if he'd go for this. He has a hunch that I'm not attracted to him anymore but I've never said it to him.

[Anonymous]

Check out the explicit forum. I am pretty sure that there are quite a few threads on this sort of thing.

Apparently, it is pretty common for some couples.

It sounds kind of weird to me, but if you love your DH and want to make things work with him -- why not try something that's a little out of the box. I would imagine that there has to be a lot of trust for this to work well and not lead to additional problems.

[Anonymous]

Watch Magic Mike!

[Anonymous]

Why do you help your husband get his fat ass in shape? It might help rekindle the fire and build quality into your relationship.

[Anonymous]

you nasty.

[Anonymous]

"I've been married for 9 years and am not attracted to my husband."

When DH told me he was no longer attracted to me, I was DEVASTATED. The beginning of the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I've been married for 9 years and am not attracted to my husband."

When DH told me he was no longer attracted to me, I was DEVASTATED. The beginning of the end.

I think guys are used to it and dont care. They LOVE to crow about how women don't care about looks, only money. So I dont think it's a priority for them.

[Anonymous]

keep in mind that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Are you willing to let him "flirt" with other women? What happens when "flirting" doesn't get you off anymore? Have fun. See you back here later asking if its OK to divorce because you found your soul mate.

[Anonymous]

I am still attracted to my husband, but when I meet a guy with whom I have some chemistry, I do get more in the mood for sex.

I don't necessarily think about the other guy during sex with my DH so much as just kind of feed off of the little outside boost.

Anyway, I don't think you should beat yourself up about using juice from outside. I think there is an expression: "It' doesn't matter how you get your appetite as long as you eat at home."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married for 9 years and am not attracted to my husband. His unattractive physical qualities have mostly increased over the years, and the passion/chemistry that helped me overlook them in the beginning has waned. Added to the general stressors of parenting and everyday life, we have sex very infrequently. The times when I am most attracted to him and want sex is when I meet a man that I'm attracted to. I fantasize about him which gets me in the mood and then I pounce on DH. It's getting to the point where I look forward to meeting men that can act as a mental proxy while I'm with my husband. I've never cheated and obviously have infrequent opportunities to meet desirable men in my everyday life. I guess I'm just wondering, do other women do this? Are there any DHs out there who would be open to the idea of their wife flirting with other men as foreplay for sex? My husband is definitely not satisfied with how infrequently we have sex, and he's pretty open-minded to finding things that turn me on. But I don't know if he'd go for this. He has a hunch that I'm not attracted to him anymore but I've never said it to him.

DH here, yes, and hell yes. Don't care at all if someone warms up my DW, as long as I reap the rewards. I think part of the reason her libido crashed was when she became a SAHM she didn't get the opportunity to flirt with and interact with other men.

And who are we kidding here. Many long married couples have their own ways of getting in the mood. Some men watch porn, some women read erotica. Whatever it takes to keep the marital bed warm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married for 9 years and am not attracted to my husband. His unattractive physical qualities have mostly increased over the years, and the passion/chemistry that helped me overlook them in the beginning has waned. Added to the general stressors of parenting and everyday life, we have sex very infrequently. The times when I am most attracted to him and want sex is when I meet a man that I'm attracted to. I fantasize about him which gets me in the mood and then I pounce on DH. It's getting to the point where I look forward to meeting men that can act as a mental proxy while I'm with my husband. I've never cheated and obviously have infrequent opportunities to meet desirable men in my everyday life. I guess I'm just wondering, do other women do this? Are there any DHs out there who would be open to the idea of their wife flirting with other men as foreplay for sex? My husband is definitely not satisfied with how infrequently we have sex, and he's pretty open-minded to finding things that turn me on. But I don't know if he'd go for this. He has a hunch that I'm not attracted to him anymore but I've never said it to him.

DH here, yes, and hell yes. Don't care at all if someone warms up my DW, as long as I reap the rewards. I think part of the reason her libido crashed was when she became a SAHM she didn't get the opportunity to flirt with and interact with other men.

And who are we kidding here. Many long married couples have their own ways of getting in the mood. Some men watch porn, some women read erotica. Whatever it takes to keep the marital bed warm.

Yes, "responsive desire" is a pretty big thing for women. In other words, feeling sexy and desired can really put a woman in the mood. If a good looking guy gives her the eye, she can get charged up for sex with DH as a result.

[Anonymous]

DH here, I assume most non-insecure men realize their wives sometimes, if not often, fantasize about other men. Me? I love when my wife brings authentic sexual energy to the bedroom, don't care the source.

But, I would not tell your DH you aren't attracted to him. Treat this info like a bonus - Hey honey, I get really charged up to fuck you when I flirt! Let him see it as an add on, not a replacement. As secure I am about knowing my DW finds other men attractive, if I thought she found me unattractive, I am not sure we could survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I've been married for 9 years and am not attracted to my husband."

When DH told me he was no longer attracted to me, I was DEVASTATED. The beginning of the end.

Why exactly were you DEVASTATED?
Was it really a big surprise to you that significant weight gain would make you unattractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I've been married for 9 years and am not attracted to my husband."

When DH told me he was no longer attracted to me, I was DEVASTATED. The beginning of the end.

Why exactly were you DEVASTATED?
Was it really a big surprise to you that significant weight gain would make you unattractive?

Project much?