Any "successful" parents start meds after kid was diagnosed with ADHD?

[Anonymous]

My ds was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I am trying to get dh comfortable with starting a medication trial to see if it can help him. He has combined type but is really the day dreamer who gets distracted by every little thing and takes a very long time to accomplish simple tasks because of it. Anyhow, dh is uncomfortable with meds and I am sure it is because his mom has made her judgment of our society "medicating its boys" very clear. I get that medication might be used too liberally for some. But when there are genuine medical issues and potential treatments to help, I can't understand why you would purposely withhold that.... Anyhow, the irony of this to me is that dh himself seems to be very similar. The things he has forgotten or accidentally done without thinking are epic (missing keys are expected, dishes put away in the most random places, groceries too--like he puts things that go in the fridge or cabinet in the freezer and vice versa). He also temper tantrums a lot and struggles greatly with seeing the big picture and processing things that don't go his way (classic executive function type stuff). I know many guys are bad at multitasking, but he takes it to another level. He also gets overwhelmed very easily by things that, to me, are no big deal, and he takes a very long time to do certain things that for me would take half the time. We are in similar careers, so I am talking about work stuff there.

All that said, dh is extremely smart and has done well career wise. I wouldn't say he's the most driven to rise up though even though others around him want him too. Part of it is that he's scared of how time consuming that would be. And given his struggles with time management, he might be right. I honestly feel he might benefit from meds too, but am not sure if it's an issue worth bringing up or struggling over. On paper he looks great, but watching him function daily screams ADHD and makes me think medication could be eye opening for him (both for his own life and for ds).

Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My DD was diagnosed at age 12 with ADHD combined. Adderall was a huge help. They were like eye glasses. I wonder why there is so much stigma with medication, but no stigma with eye glasses. One makes you see clearly, the other makes you think clearly.

DH has had a very successful career. He does the exact same things as your DH.
As I learned more about ADHD because of DD, I started to see how similar she was to DH.
I read this book- Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder, and in that book, I saw why our marriage is the way that it is. It's mostly good, but wow, it was like discovering WHY our dynamic is the way that it is.

DH has been diagnosed with depression and has been on Prozac for years but I know for sure that he has ADHD too. A few years ago, his doctor put him on Wellbutrin, which is actually used for ADHD too. His doctor did test him for ADHD but it wasn't conclusive enough for him to get Adderall. Now that he's aware that he probably has ADHD, our relationship has gotten so much better. I feel less frustrated with him when he loses his keys, and he's able to better navigate around his weaknesses. He does okay on the meds he has now, but the added awareness has been crucial.

Good luck OP, there is much to learn and accept about this.

[Anonymous]

Getting him to try ADHD meds will be eye opening. After my DS was diagnosed with ADHD, combined type, and speaking to the neuropsychologist about his symptoms, it became very clear where DS gets his ADHD from. My ADHD symptoms are worse. DS also has ASD/Asperger's but most of his issues arise from the ADHD. He is medicated for the ADHD.

After speaking to my internist, I am on Ritalin. Too bad I never had it in school. DH probably has ASD/Asperger's. We are both attorneys, multi degreed Ivy educated.

Have your DH speak to his doctor. Meds are worth a try. They are short acting and he'll know pretty much right away whether they work.

I had developed a lot of weird coping strategies for the ADHD while in school primarily picking at myself, cuticles, nails, scalp. The Ritalin gets rid of all of my OCD symptoms. Also, I haven't noticed any side effects other than decreased appetite but not enough to actually make me lose weight. Oh well...

[Anonymous]

Op if you want everyone in your family walking around in a medicated stupor , I'm sure you can find a doctor to convince your husband to give it a try

I'm with your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Another story I bet you'll relate to.

My DD for year struggled in school academically. Inattention, executive function issues. Also struggling a good deal with meltdowns and trouble regulating emotion. After years of arguing with DH we finally agreed to get her tested in HS and ADHD diagnosis was confirmed. Adderall has been a big help in allowing her to finally do her work and acheive A's and B's instead of C's and D's. She is calmer, more goal directed. Most importantly, she's much happier.

My older DS recently came home from college and announced he'd been to see a psychiatrist and started Vyvanse because of continued frustrations losing all of his belongings, trouble with organization and focus. He reports it's helped him a lot. The funny thing is that he did all of this without yet knowing about his sister's ADHD diagnosis!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op if you want everyone in your family walking around in a medicated stupor , I'm sure you can find a doctor to convince your husband to give it a try

I'm with your MIL.

Let's look at that word, shall we?

stupor: 1.a state of near-unconsciousness or insensibility:

Stupor is the lack of critical cognitive function and a level of consciousness wherein a sufferer is almost entirely unresponsive


You must never have experienced ADHD. (or perhaps you have it and you just don't know it).
People with ADHD are in a fog. The medication helps to clear that fog.
Medicated stupor is an oxymoron when it comes to ADHD.
I have a friend who won't medicate her kid because she said that when her nephew's medication wears out, he's like a zombie.
Right, he's like a zombie WITHOUT medication and that drastic change of medicated (functional) vs. unmedicated (zombie) is what makes you think you shouldn't do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op if you want everyone in your family walking around in a medicated stupor , I'm sure you can find a doctor to convince your husband to give it a try

I'm with your MIL.

Op here--actually I'd prefer to have successful kids and family that are treated for their disabilities.

[Anonymous]

Medication plus behavior therapy is the best treatment for ADHD. Try lots of behavior modification first and then add in pills later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Medication plus behavior therapy is the best treatment for ADHD. Try lots of behavior modification first and then add in pills later.

This.


But popping effective psychotropic drugs is so much easier. It really is. It's easier to consistently execute, it's less work and stress for those around the patient, it requires less thinking and less strife. There is less potential conflict (sometimes behavior therapy causes hard feelings because the ADHD patient wants to give up, doesn't "feel like it," says it's too hard, etc.)

Amphetamine salts and other stimulants help everyone focus better and stay on task. Also, they absolutely engender dependence. It will be interesting to study the 1st generation of kids who grew up taking daily stimulants, once they reach middle age and beyond. The earliest of the Ritalin generation is entering their 40s now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medication plus behavior therapy is the best treatment for ADHD. Try lots of behavior modification first and then add in pills later.

This.


But popping effective psychotropic drugs is so much easier. It really is. It's easier to consistently execute, it's less work and stress for those around the patient, it requires less thinking and less strife. There is less potential conflict (sometimes behavior therapy causes hard feelings because the ADHD patient wants to give up, doesn't "feel like it," says it's too hard, etc.)

Amphetamine salts and other stimulants help everyone focus better and stay on task. Also, they absolutely engender dependence. It will be interesting to study the 1st generation of kids who grew up taking daily stimulants, once they reach middle age and beyond. The earliest of the Ritalin generation is entering their 40s now.

Then again, in my family many of the untreated ADHDers found other drugs to help them cope, and their lives fell apart. Most didn't even live past their 40s. So there's that...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medication plus behavior therapy is the best treatment for ADHD. Try lots of behavior modification first and then add in pills later.

This.


But popping effective psychotropic drugs is so much easier. It really is. It's easier to consistently execute, it's less work and stress for those around the patient, it requires less thinking and less strife. There is less potential conflict (sometimes behavior therapy causes hard feelings because the ADHD patient wants to give up, doesn't "feel like it," says it's too hard, etc.)

Amphetamine salts and other stimulants help everyone focus better and stay on task. Also, they absolutely engender dependence. It will be interesting to study the 1st generation of kids who grew up taking daily stimulants, once they reach middle age and beyond. The earliest of the Ritalin generation is entering their 40s now.

Then again, in my family many of the untreated ADHDers found other drugs to help them cope, and their lives fell apart. Most didn't even live past their 40s. So there's that...

This is a good point to bring up.
I just realized that my older brother probably has ADHD. This was after my DD was diagnosed.
My brother was abusing stimulant medication so he could work. He didn't have the coping skills to deal with being organized, being focused, handling stress.
Lots of alcohol abuse and destructive coping mechanisms. Looking back now, had he gotten help in his teens, maybe he would not have self-medicated and gained better coping skills. He's 47 now and while he is sober, he also can't work. Just plain can't deal with life.

[Anonymous]

Stimulant medication is the first-line treatment for ADHD, and improves tangible outcomes on every important measure--graduation rates, not getting incarcerated, not dying of a car crash or overdose because of self-medication with less appropriate substances, etc.. Sorry, MIL.

[Anonymous]

I feel terrible for the kids of PP who is SO strongly against medicating.

Having experienced it, I assure you unmedicated ADHD is no fun. You feel constantly out of control and unable to do what you want. Then, people like PP blame you for losing your keys/forgetting that appointment/not being able to sit still by saying you're not trying hard enough. Or that you didn't learn the right techniques.

Medication doesn't solve everything, but it tamps down the craziness enough that you can learn some coping skills. At this point, I don't take any medication, but I had plenty of time to get strategies in place that can help me manage. People should remember that trying ADHD meds doesn't mean you have to stay on them forever. If you don't like them, you just stop taking them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op if you want everyone in your family walking around in a medicated stupor , I'm sure you can find a doctor to convince your husband to give it a try

I'm with your MIL.

Op here--actually I'd prefer to have successful kids and family that are treated for their disabilities.

+1. My DS is hardly in a "stupor." He's actually able to function with appropriate medication.