How deep does honor thy mother and father go?
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Anonymous
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When do you get to say enough is enough?
My fathers mother and I are very close and have been my entire life. Her son/my father has not seen her in 20 years, and rarely calls her. She was recently declared unsound and the courts have asked a guardian to step forward from the family to manage her care and assests. After all her children declined the responsibility, the grandchildren nominated my cousin who lives closest to her and is involved with her the most. We are all adults with families of our own. We all strongly believe her care has been grossly mismanaged by her children and they now should step aside. We don't care about her estate after she passes and have agreed to sign documents turning everything over to our parents when she passes. All was right, the hearing is scheduled. Until my father comes out of left field and says he now wants to be guardian. He doesn't have a car, a house, doesn't even live in the same state and has not even a bank account. He is essentially homeless and like I said has disappeared from his mother's life for 20 years. I told him its a mistake and that he will made to look like a fool in court due to his own financial mismanagement, unemployment history and lack of contact with his mother. He is relentless in the fact that now shortly before she passes, he be in control of her estate. I can not support this but also can't betray my father. I don't know what to do or say to make him understand how understanding, shady, conniving, horrible this looks, to just show up in the final hour with not even a pot to piss in and think you can be responsible for her care. I am also worried because he is her child, and we are grandchildren he could genuinely be awarded this. I'm at a loss over what to do. Any advice?? |
Anonymous
| Underhanded sorry! |
Anonymous
| I feel like this is an easy way for a lazy man to not have to get a job ever again even though I have told him he can't even buy himself a burger off the dollar menu from her money without accounting for it and proving it was for her benefit. He is liable for any mishandling. I don't want him in court having all his dirty laundry aired out in front of everyone in our family and then have him have to go out with his tail between his legs. The thought of him being raked across the coals in court makes me ill, but not as sick as the thought of him being in charge of my grandmother. |
Anonymous
| Tell your cousins what he is planning. Do what is best for your grandma. Fight this man and do not let her in a position where he will abuse her. Once your grandma passes, sooner or later, your father will need care from you. I hope you can take care of him then. Let him know that you and your cousins will fight him in the court for grandma's guardianship. |
Anonymous
| Honor thy father definitely does not include allowing him to do anything that will harm his own mother. |
Anonymous
| Be loyal to your grandma. Unite the cousins in ALL being loyal to your grandma. |
Anonymous
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Honoring your father & mother does not mean backing every action they take, and it does not mean concealing the truth because they want something. If it is relevant to the courts to know that your father has been estranged from his mother for 20 years and is in financial distress, then the courts should know that. The court needs full information here to make a decision.
It's not your decision to make. So just focus on being an honest and upright member of society and witness before the court. Those are things that should make your parents proud and would bring honor upon your family. |
Anonymous
| Do not allow him to do this if you can help it. You need to tell the judge what you've told us. |
Anonymous
You call laying out the facts a betrayal? In other words, hiding pertinent facts and not looking out for the best interest of your grandmother is honoring your father....... 
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Anonymous
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Honor and respect are earned, not handed out freely. So block him, since clearly he does not have his mother's best interests at heart. |
Anonymous
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Do what's right, and that is to protect your grandmother, who needs a caretaker. You know very well that your father is not the right person for the job.
"Honoring" does not mean enabling people to do bad things. It would be disastrous for your father to handle your grandmother's estate. Honor him and her by being honest with the judge and building alliances with your fellow caring grandchildren. |
Anonymous
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If this matter has already been before a judge or court in some way then your grandmother must have an attorney, or an advocate. Be sure to be in regular contact w/ that individual. Let the structure of the legal process help you with this and make it easy for the court to see who is best positioned to act in the best interests of your grandmother.
Use the system and it will remove a bit of the familial nightmare from the process. (Let the judge or court be the "bad guy" in other words, but be sure that all of the information is presented to support the best person being appointed guardian.) Also, just because your grandmother was declared "unsound" does not mean she won't have a voice. An attorney is legally required to represent the wishes of the client, whether or not those wishes are in the best interests of the client. An advocate may have a different directive. So just know what your grandmother will say in terms of whom she would like appointed (if she is asked and able to answer) and be prepared to handle that if her answer isn't what you think best. |
Anonymous
It's 2015. Pay attention! |
Anonymous
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Dennis Prager did little segments on each commandment. It's free, and it's really good. I learned stuff I didn't learn before--like it's not "thou shalt not kill"; it's "thou shalt not murder" (meaning, illegal killing)
Anyways I think he does a good job at helping answer your question about what does "honor" mean, and what are the expectations and limits re your relationship with your parents. I forget which commandment it is, but here's a link to them all: https://www.prageru.com/courses/religionphilosophy/ten-commandments-introduction |