"Makeover" for young teen who feels like she looks like a little kid

[Anonymous]

My DD is almost 14 but looks very young for her age: she's very small, way down at the very bottom of the growth charts. Nothing medically wrong: just a late bloomer descended from a lot of late bloomers. She is constantly being handed children's menus at restaurants, asked if she's in fifth grade, etc., and she hates it. Because she is so small, she also can't yet shop for adult sized clothes: she still wears a kids large (10-12). She finds all this embarrassing, and has asked me for help developing a more "grown up" look. She doesn't want the Abercrombie or Pink version of "grownup," thank goodness-- she just wants to look a little more sophisticated and less like she is ten years old.

I was thinking of taking her to have a make-up lesson at a nice day spa, but wondered if others have any suggestions for where to shop or what else I can do to help her. I remind her that she will eventually grow, but rot now that is not much consolation and her self confidence is taking a hit... Advice?

[Anonymous]

Have dealt with this issue, too.

Take her to get her eyebrows done--gentle shaping. This helps give her a slightly more grown-up look. Too much make up will probably backfire.

She should be able to find smaller sizes at American Eagle and Forever 21 that fit her. Look also for some cute bras and camis that will make her feel more grown-up.

And tell her to hang in there. A lot of us go through this and turn out okay, and often with fewer lifetime weight problems than the early bloomers.

[Anonymous]

I don't have much advice, apart from pointing out that make-up is not regulated by the FDA or by any other agency, which it should, since it does get absorbed by the skin. So please pay extra for good quality make-up, maybe French or other European brands, because Europe does have stringent regulations for make-up.

Also, thank you for doing something to help your DD! I was tiny, with a baby face at the same age, and my mother insisted on putting me in the baggiest, least trendy clothing. I spent years feeling mortified.

[Anonymous]

She should look like a little kid. There is plenty of time to grow up. I would NOT facilitate this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should look like a little kid. There is plenty of time to grow up. I would NOT facilitate this.

A 14 year old high school student should look like a 14 year old high school student.

NOT a ten year old elementary school little kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, my young teen boy is in the same boat (kids menus, people assume he is a fifth grader, etc)

Besides fashion and hair cut, we have found that better posture and better communication skills help: good posture (especially when sitting in a booth), speaking confidently and clearly, eye contact with adults)

Little kids don't do those things consistently but young adults do. It helps to get people to treat him closer to his age when he communicates in a more mature way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my young teen boy is in the same boat (kids menus, people assume he is a fifth grader, etc)

Besides fashion and hair cut, we have found that better posture and better communication skills help: good posture (especially when sitting in a booth), speaking confidently and clearly, eye contact with adults)

Little kids don't do those things consistently but young adults do. It helps to get people to treat him closer to his age when he communicates in a more mature way.

These. My 7th grader is 12.5 and just starting to fit into size tens in some items. But nobody mistakes her for a nine year old for more than ten seconds after talking to her. If people ask her or me if she wants a children's menu we just say "no thanks" in a tone like "why would you think she would?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should look like a little kid. There is plenty of time to grow up. I would NOT facilitate this.

I guess you'd rather have your kid look like Kylie Jenner than a normal teen. Tacky.

[Anonymous]

Try uniqlo for affordable, hip clothing in small sizes.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if a haircut might help? hard to know without any idea, but an updated haircut can do wonders for anyone.

[Anonymous]

I'd also recommend a nice salon and a nice cut that can by styled and shaped. The stylist can teach her how to round brush it and style appropriately. Depending on her hair color, some accents might look nice.

[Anonymous]

A combo of the above should help:

Some simple grooming--hair cut, brows.
Some simple makeup--mascara and lip gloss.
Some simple clothing changes--fitted (but not tight) tops, structured jackets, leather shoes, a nice pair of jeans.

And I really liked the point about poise. A good reminder for all ages!

[Anonymous]

I would stay away from the makeup (if you want to, stay very simple, not a full face of makeup), but do think about a new haircut. Stay away from overtly childish clothing--stick with basics that fit her well and use accessories to look more sophisticated. Also, I really agree with posture and poise. Don't let her be in too much of a hurry to grow up.

[Anonymous]

You're awfully focused on appearances. Guide her to develop inner confidence and poise. That way, even if she's mistaken for being younger, she won't be offended. And, she's project a more mature presence and probably won't be mistaken for being so young, either.

I speak as someone who was a very late bloomer and very small, but never had this problem. Confidence and poise all the way, baby!

[Anonymous]

I'm another with a teen boy with the same problem. He learned to speak up for himself. At a restaurant, he will say "may I please have a sprite in a glass" - so that they don't bring him a kids cup. And he also says he prefers an adult menu. I have noticed at a park or with strangers, he quickly says something about the name of his middle school or his grade so that no one assumes he is an elementary school kid. Again, once he starts talking, it's clear he's older but it's hard when meeting someone new.