Forum Index
»
Infertility Support and Discussion
I usually don't swear but...
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
... what the xxxx. Ok, so here's the situation. I have been through 6 IVFs. My sister jokes all the time (to me) that she can get pregnant drinking water. Last we spoke, she complained that she had 2 boys. Now that she is pregnant, she desperately wants a girl. She is such a xxxx. Last week she told me that she was pissed off because I didn't seem happy that she was pregnant!!!! Uggg. Is she that clueless? She's a dr. for heaven's sake!
|
Anonymous
| She should be on the annoying Mom's forum. |
Anonymous
| Well, the comments that she can get preg drinking water are pretty insensitive towards you. She needs some sensitivity training. But regardless of your circumstances I think you should still be happy that you are going to have another niece or nephew. Its not easy at all, I know. My sister is a doctor too and got preg the first time she said she and hubby tried. Meanwhile we went through infertility and had to do invitro. I will be starting my 4th invitro cycle in a couple of months and had a miscarriage not to long ago. So I get it. I understand where you are. But still, it feels wrong to be sad when others get happy news. You can tell your sister you are sad for yourself, but still happy for her - big difference. Distinguish the two for her. |
Anonymous
PP. You are a better person than I am. I think she is selfish for not giving me any lee-weigh (is that the correct spelling?). I wish I could be like you...but am not happy or sad for her. I feel a little numb. Does that make me a bad person? I hope not. 
|
Anonymous
| Hey, I'm going through what you are going through. I don't have an insensitive sister. Actually, my sister has offered to carry my child. I'm sorry your sister isn't the same way. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
This definitely doesn't make you a bad person. Your sister is being tremendously insensitive, and there's no reason yoyu shouldn't feel hurt and/or resentful. I agree with the poster above that in an ideal world, one should be happy for one's pregnant siblings, but she isn't making it easy for you. Don't feel bad about feeling annoyed at her. Maybe just try to have an honest conversation with her and explain gently why her remarks come across as insensitive, and why, as a result, you may appear unenthusiastic about her pregnancy. No need for rancor - just try to be honest, kind, and straightforward. She is either unbelievably clueless or unconsciously trying to make you feel bad - either way, you would be doing her a favor, as she seems unaware of how she comes across. Good luck. I'm sorry you've had this lousy experience. I'm trying to get pregnant and two friends just had their third babies, but luckily, they have been wonderfully sensitive, and I am really happy for both of them. |
Anonymous
Yes, she should give you leeway (not sure how to spell it either). She should not expect you to gush over her pregnancies. She should know not to talk about it incessantly in front of you. Clearly she is insensitive. But the numbness feeling is normal. I've been there. I know that numb feeling. You are scared and in shock probably. You don't know if you'll have one of your own one day. Yet all around you are these women who seem to get preg so easily. But just take a deep breath and take one day at a time. Who can say that you won't have one of your own? With repeated invitro's it is likely that you will maybe. I am 42 but I still got pg - even though it resulted in a miscarriage. I feel that there has to be a few healthy eggs left in me! So likely you will get pg and have one of your own one day too. You are so NOT a bad person. You are a hurt person thats all. |
Anonymous
|
OP, not to get into some big psychodrama, but can you tell us more about your relationship with your sister? Which of you is the older one? Were you always competitive? Were you prettier/ smarter/ more popular, etc.? Sounds like she has some real issues and she is using this pregnancy thing to express them.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, by the way. And no matter what your sister's reasons for all of this, I agree with you that she's acting like a real b&*$h. |
Anonymous
| You should not have to explain anything to your sister - she is absolutely insensitive - You can love a niece / nephew but do not need to pour out enthusiasm for anyone's 3rd pregnancy. |
Anonymous
| Tell it to her like it is. Next time she says "I really hope it is a girl". You say, "I really hope that I can have a baby". Next time she says she can get pregnant just drinking water, say "Having been through 6 IVFs, I'm here to tell you that there are many women (not just myself) who would move Earth to be in your situation." Next time she complains about her 2 boys, say "You are so lucky to have children, enjoy the blessing that you do have". If she complains that you are not happy enough for her, ask her if she is empathetic enough for you. You don't have to say these things looking for sympathy, but just be matter-of-fact and like you are sharing a confidence. |
Anonymous
| i agree with everyone else -- it sounds like sis is being an insensitve self-absorbed pain in the A. And, i'm sure the reason she is behaving this way goes wayyy back to your youth and the tricky dynamic that undoubtedly exists. it's all so loaded and complicated but you don't need to be her best friend, you don't even have to like her. i think realizing that might provide you some room to breathe. more importantly -- good luck to YOU! |
Anonymous
This is great advice. OP -- I hope you follow through with it. Maybe your sister is really just clueless and needs to be taught by you to show some empathy. |
Anonymous
You are right. This is great advice. |
Anonymous
OP here- you are right. I don't have to like her. Wow that is a bit of a relief. Thank you. Isn't it amazing how a different point of reference can give you so much freedom. Thank you again. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thank you, this is really good advice. And, so well written 
|