So you're just separated - how to recover ?

[Anonymous]

What I mean is what was the thing that helped you the most to move on. I'm a male late 40's with young kids.

[Anonymous]

I know now this was selfish of me now, but I signed my kids to all the activities mine and their schedule could handle. That kept me busy most week nights and weekends. We started with rec sports but now that they are teens we're still at it, but at the travel level. It has also bonded us together and everyone is fit and happy. This may not work for you, but sport give us all something to look forward to every weekend plus it's very social way to spend your time. I never had the energy to think about all the negative that was going on in my life because I was to tired to think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know now this was selfish of me now, but I signed my kids to all the activities mine and their schedule could handle. That kept me busy most week nights and weekends. We started with rec sports but now that they are teens we're still at it, but at the travel level. It has also bonded us together and everyone is fit and happy. This may not work for you, but sport give us all something to look forward to every weekend plus it's very social way to spend your time. I never had the energy to think about all the negative that was going on in my life because I was to tired to think.

Sounds like a great way to bond with the kids...or at least stay somewhat busy - but what did it do for you? Were you able to meet other people (adults) during those rec sporting events?

[Anonymous]

Therapy.

[Anonymous]

Do you have physical custody or joint custody? How much time do you get to spend with the kids?

[Anonymous]

I appreciated all the ways things were better. Kind of like a gratitude journal, but just mentally.

1. Nobody screamed today
2. My kids didn't get scared today
3. Nothing was thrown today
4. Nobody tip-toed around anyone else today.

[Anonymous]

Enjoyed the "me" time
Started dating again
Reconnected with old friends
Took time to be kind to myself-watched dumb shows; took myself out to lunch; got more pedicures etc

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on how separated you are? From the tone of your post, I'm assuming that you are separated just waiting to file for divorce, but if you were possibly going to work toward reconciliation I would give different advice:

1. Therapy
2. Exercise
3. Spend time/reconnect with friends
4. If you don't already have connections with the parents of your kid's friends, make sure there are at least a few families you are friendly with
5. Do some of the activities you felt like you couldn't do with your spouse
6. (this may be related to above) Date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know now this was selfish of me now, but I signed my kids to all the activities mine and their schedule could handle. That kept me busy most week nights and weekends. We started with rec sports but now that they are teens we're still at it, but at the travel level. It has also bonded us together and everyone is fit and happy. This may not work for you, but sport give us all something to look forward to every weekend plus it's very social way to spend your time. I never had the energy to think about all the negative that was going on in my life because I was to tired to think.

Sounds like a great way to bond with the kids...or at least stay somewhat busy - but what did it do for you? Were you able to meet other people (adults) during those rec sporting events?

There were/are of course other adults involved but I was not looking to meet other people. Being social with other adults was good enough. The impression that I am trying to make is being active and having scheduled activities helped a lot. You can volunteer to coach your kid team too. It is your area outside work that provides meaning as well as keeping some twittling your thumbs at home being lonely and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Find an activity that you enjoy and sign up for classes or join a team. Dating is too time and energy (and money) consuming at first, so it is not really something to dive into right away. Take some time to focus on you and your relationship with your kids. But choose or find one activity that is just for you -- away from the kids. Meet some others (through Meet ups or classes) and find a new group of people who also enjoy that activity.

When I split, getting involved in a new sport was a gift to me. It was costly because I had to hire sitters in order to attend, but it was so worth it.