Jealous of bf's sexual past

[Anonymous]

I'm a virgin and I'm dating a 25 year old guy who had a 3 year live in girlfriend before me. We are trying to have sex these days and one of the things that hurts me and makes me jealous is images of him making love to his ex.

I can't get over it.

[Anonymous]

That's part if dating. People have sexual pasts. My wife was with around 25 people by the time we married (29-30). You just try not to think about it and focus on being their best ever.

[Anonymous]

I was a virgin and married a very promiscuous guy. (27 and 34 when we first met). Took me a few years to reconcile the crazy man ho he was (70+ partners) with the awesome guy working his ass off to woo me and show me that his past wasn't what he was all about. Every once in a blue moon it'll bubble up, a friend will razz him about his sordid young adulthood or I'll just think of it and get grossed out but for the most part it doesn't bother me anymore. He didn't know I existed then and in choosing me to pursue and marry, he at least has shown some discernment-however late in life it came lol!

[Anonymous]

He's not with those women now. He chose to be with you.

I know this will sound weird, but it's a belief I share with a few friends. Those friends are also the same friends who have the strongest marriages. I want my guy to be with me as long as he wants to, and not a second longer. When it's not all "FOREVER!!!" all the time, it makes you see it more clearly. My guy chose me. We make one another happy. We don't fake anything. If he ditched me next week, I'd be crushed, of course. Until that day comes along, I'm going to enjoy him just being himself.

Life is too damn short for all the worrying about shit that can't be changed. Enjoy him as he is, or move on.

[Anonymous]

OP I know how you feel.

I was a virgin till my early 20s and when I fell in love with my ex, I both decided I wanted to lose my virginity to him and I became insanely jealous thinking of all the other girls he had slept with. Also insecure of how I would measure up.

I ended up being so crippled by this that I decided to break up with him without sleeping with him. I immediately started dating someone else and actually lost my virginity to him instead. It felt easier with him because I didn't care, so it didn't really bother me that he had slept with others.

Anyway, now that I'm a few years out i realize how silly that was. What makes sex special is the emotion you have for someone. Otherwise it's just kind of filling a need, scratching an itch. it doesn't mean a thing.

It's cliched but it's true- the love you have for someone makes sex amazing.

If your boyfriend cares about you, I guarantee you you have nothing to be jealous of or worried about.

[Anonymous]

You are going to have trouble finding a normal well adjusted guy in his twenties who hasn't had a previous relationship.

Previous relationships are a good thing. I guarantee you that ex taught him a lot about dating and relationships that now you don't have to teach him! Not meet sex but basics about how to put down toilet seat down, whatever.

[Anonymous]

*not *just sex

[Anonymous]

Maybe this "jealousy" is more of an insecurity, as if there is a part of you that wonders if a guy who has had that many partners can stay committed.

[Anonymous]

surprised to hear this.

usually it's an issue the other way around, which is why women are way more reticent about sharing their true past.

[Anonymous]

You are acting like a child. The chances of you finding an adult with no romantic past are extremely low. You need to figure out a way to deal with it or you are going to chase this guy and the next one away. Insecurity is very unattractive trait.

[Anonymous]

I am the same way OP.

Not the virgin part...I mean that if I have strong feelings for a guy, it makes me jealous to imagine him doing to another woman what he now does to me.

I guess it stems from a lack of security within yourself.

When you are with him, build yourself up emotionally.

Think about your wonderful qualities and how lucky he is to have you in that moment...and more.

[Anonymous]

I can understand you having a problem with it because it's not a level playing field. You're always going to feel somewhat inferior for not having experience. The only way to cure it is to get more experience. The problem is that it's hard to get experience if you have anxiety, which is what your jealousy basically is. Anxiety and sex don't mix well. So you have to learn to let the anxiety go, or else find a guy more on your level, except two virgins may not be that great together either. So, either way, you have to stop focusing on the thoughts in your head.

[Anonymous]

OP has a choice, either get over it, or don't get over it. If she is not going to get over the fact that he has slept with other women, then end it now. He can not change the fact that he was with other people.

Frankly, except for STD risks, I do not see the big deal. I have learned things from each partner. It has made me a better lover.

[Anonymous]

My wife once told me that, on our first ever date, she had figured that I had been with a lot of women. But she understood that it had all happened before we met and that it was part of a past that I couldn't change.

Convincing her, after we were married, that I still needed to sleep with other women took a lot of work, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife once told me that, on our first ever date, she had figured that I had been with a lot of women. But she understood that it had all happened before we met and that it was part of a past that I couldn't change.

Convincing her, after we were married, that I still needed to sleep with other women took a lot of work, however.

I'm sure the prospect of her getting to sleep with Ramon helped though