When does a child's preference for which parent to live with start to matter?

[Anonymous]

About to get into a custody dispute with my ex who wants more time with the child. I am curious at what age does the child's preferences/wishes/feelings factor into a judge's decision? My child is very satisfied with the current arrangement and would not feel safe having overnights or more time with my ex.

[Anonymous]

what state do you live in? can depend on state case law and statute. also depends on "how" the child is heard - via an appointed guardian ad litem, the age may be younger( 5-7 and up), via testifying before a judge in court or chambers, then older (say 10-12 and older)

[Anonymous]

Most of the time it will be older children (early teen years), and often they will express that desire directly to a judge in chambers, or to a GAL. I don't know of any place where the child's wishes will be the determining factor.

[Anonymous]

In what way, wouldn't the child feel safe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About to get into a custody dispute with my ex who wants more time with the child. I am curious at what age does the child's preferences/wishes/feelings factor into a judge's decision? My child is very satisfied with the current arrangement and would not feel safe having overnights or more time with my ex.

pp here, so I missed the part where the child wouldn't feel safe. Start documenting everything that would make the child feel unsafe, get them into therapy, and use the things that would make the child feel unsafe to make your case that overnights are not in the child's best interest. How old is the child?

[Anonymous]

Child is 12. State is va. Other parent has had history of drug and alcohol abuse. Visits are currently supervised though that was decided by U.S. And not court ordered. Ex did sign paperwork that was filed with the court agreeing to limited supervised visits, however. Now ex wants overnights and more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Child is 12. State is va. Other parent has had history of drug and alcohol abuse. Visits are currently supervised though that was decided by U.S. And not court ordered. Ex did sign paperwork that was filed with the court agreeing to limited supervised visits, however. Now ex wants overnights and more time.

is there a history of treatment and staying clean (if so, how long?) or do you think your ex is still using?

[Anonymous]

Usually around 12 or 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Child is 12. State is va. Other parent has had history of drug and alcohol abuse. Visits are currently supervised though that was decided by U.S. And not court ordered. Ex did sign paperwork that was filed with the court agreeing to limited supervised visits, however. Now ex wants overnights and more time.

is there a history of treatment and staying clean (if so, how long?) or do you think your ex is still using?

Ex did go to inpatient rehab a few years ago but still had abuse after the rehab. Seems to be doing better over the last 12 months. I think there is some moderate drinking but nothing like it used to be. I have videos of my ex, incoherent and unable to walk, on days when my child (then 10 or so) was there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Child is 12. State is va. Other parent has had history of drug and alcohol abuse. Visits are currently supervised though that was decided by U.S. And not court ordered. Ex did sign paperwork that was filed with the court agreeing to limited supervised visits, however. Now ex wants overnights and more time.

is there a history of treatment and staying clean (if so, how long?) or do you think your ex is still using?

Ex did go to inpatient rehab a few years ago but still had abuse after the rehab. Seems to be doing better over the last 12 months. I think there is some moderate drinking but nothing like it used to be. I have videos of my ex, incoherent and unable to walk, on days when my child (then 10 or so) was there.

Good luck to ex with all that. Does ex actually want more time or a reduction in expense?

[Anonymous]

Ex pays nothing. I make more and don't want any money. Wants more time, legitimately.