MIL is a racist

[Anonymous]

She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

[Anonymous]

What would happen if your husband stepped up and said, "Hey, Mom, that's offensive to me. Can we talk about something else? "

[Anonymous]

Why isn't your DH shutting down that nonsense???

[Anonymous]

My parents and other older family members are racist Europeans, but they know to keep it in check in front of the younger generation, my cousins and I, who will call them out on it systematically.

If MIL is amenable to reason, your husband could tell her not to do this in your presence, and remind her of your heritage. But she may be completely out of control, which is why he's not even bothering, in which case, neither of you need to socialize with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would happen if your husband stepped up and said, "Hey, Mom, that's offensive to me. Can we talk about something else? "

This is what needs to happen.

[Anonymous]

Where is this dinner? Your place, her's, or a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

If it is in your home--or in front of your children--you MUST shut this down. If you don't feel comfortable addressing it, talk with your husband now and make sure that he will address it the next time it happens.

Just keep it simple: "In this household, we embrace diversity, and we treat all people with respect."

If she doesn't stop, then you need to keep shutting it down. You CANNOT let your children think this is OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is this dinner? Your place, her's, or a restaurant?

We went to her house to celebrate dh's birthday.

We are newly weds and do not have children yet.

I'm honestly scared to bring children into this toxic environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would happen if your husband stepped up and said, "Hey, Mom, that's offensive to me. Can we talk about something else? "

This is what needs to happen.

+1 Absolutely! OP, your husband needs to stand up to his parents. Their behavior is completely wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

I can relate. I am an immigrant of color too and my in laws say the most casually racist things about all non-white groups except my group (I have no doubt they cover my group behind my back). They don't even rant; they just say things as if stating facts. I would prefer rants because the ill intent there is easier to confront than passive aggressive "innocent" comments. I have lost a lot of respect for my in laws. The hilarious part is that they ask DH why I never call or talk to them unless we are in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

I can relate. I am an immigrant of color too and my in laws say the most casually racist things about all non-white groups except my group (I have no doubt they cover my group behind my back). They don't even rant; they just say things as if stating facts. I would prefer rants because the ill intent there is easier to confront than passive aggressive "innocent" comments. I have lost a lot of respect for my in laws. The hilarious part is that they ask DH why I never call or talk to them unless we are in person.

OP here. I know exactly how you feel. I just cannot and do not respect her. I have honestly tried a lot and tried to come to terms with her toxic view points. The scary thing is she sits at home all day and gets brain washed by FOX news.And then she takes them so seriously she thinks they are telling her facts.

Shes so casually racist and an islamophobe. I love my dh dearly but I'm regretting my decision to marry into this family. I am a good person and I do not need to hear casual racism towards immigrants; people of color and muslims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is this dinner? Your place, her's, or a restaurant?

We went to her house to celebrate dh's birthday.

We are newly weds and do not have children yet.

I'm honestly scared to bring children into this toxic environment.

Hate to break it to you, but if your husband isn't telling her to stop, he is enabling and supporting her bigotry.

Your marriage may not last if he supports the "toxic" environment.

(I know of what I speak, I'm married to an immigrant who's of a different race and it really demonstrated who the racists were in my family!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is this dinner? Your place, her's, or a restaurant?

We went to her house to celebrate dh's birthday.

We are newly weds and do not have children yet.

I'm honestly scared to bring children into this toxic environment.

Hate to break it to you, but if your husband isn't telling her to stop, he is enabling and supporting her bigotry.

Your marriage may not last if he supports the "toxic" environment.

(I know of what I speak, I'm married to an immigrant who's of a different race and it really demonstrated who the racists were in my family!)

He has tried to tell her to knock it off in the begining. She is just an overbearing difficult personality and rules her family with an iron fist. The rest dont want to create drama or upset her so they dont try to argue with her,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

I can relate. I am an immigrant of color too and my in laws say the most casually racist things about all non-white groups except my group (I have no doubt they cover my group behind my back). They don't even rant; they just say things as if stating facts. I would prefer rants because the ill intent there is easier to confront than passive aggressive "innocent" comments. I have lost a lot of respect for my in laws. The hilarious part is that they ask DH why I never call or talk to them unless we are in person.

OP here. I know exactly how you feel. I just cannot and do not respect her. I have honestly tried a lot and tried to come to terms with her toxic view points. The scary thing is she sits at home all day and gets brain washed by FOX news.And then she takes them so seriously she thinks they are telling her facts.

Shes so casually racist and an islamophobe. I love my dh dearly but I'm regretting my decision to marry into this family. I am a good person and I do not need to hear casual racism towards immigrants; people of color and muslims.

Your problem is with your husband, not with your in-laws. HE needs to defend and speak up.

[Anonymous]

At a family gathering my husband's uncle started saying racist things about Africans. Nobody said anything and then all of a sudden my husband actually said "I'm not going to listen to these racist comments" and walked out of the room. I love my husband