is there a way to night wean/"sleep train" a 10 month old without using cry it out?

[Anonymous]

I really don't think I can do any form of cry it out but I might have to if there is no other way...

Our 10 month old has gone from waking up once per night from the time he was about 5 months old until a couple weeks ago. Now he is waking up anywhere between 4-8 times per night. Half the time when he wakes up, my husband goes in and is able to get him back to sleep without feeding him but the other half the time, he is inconsolable until he has nursed so I have been nursing him 3-4 times per night (between the time he initially goes to bed around 7pm and 7am) and so obviously I'm exhausted-well, we're all exhausted. His naps are generally great. He reliably sleeps anywhere between 1 hr 15 min and 2 hrs for a morning nap and an afternoon nap every day. And he knows how to put himself to sleep because he does it at every nap and at bed time.

So, how do we get him to use that skill to put himself back to sleep when he wakes up in the night without just letting him cry until he eventually wears himself out and falls asleep (I'm assuming that would happen eventually but we have never gotten to that point so I don't really know if that would even work)?

If you can offer me any insight or advice how to 'teach' or train a baby to sleep better without just letting them cry, I'd be very appreciative. I know this topic is discussed all the time on this board so I apologize for raising it again but I am desperate to find a solution.

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between sleep training and just letting them cry-it-out. There are a ton of posts on it on DCUM - books, techniques, etc. But there will be crying. Regardless. Babies cry when they are unhappy, if you switch something up they will be unhappy. It is the length and how you deal with it that is the difference.

FWIW, I did my own sleep training method gathered from recommendations on this board and yes, my DS did cry for like five minutes the first night and then like 2 minutes the second and it was over.

[Anonymous]

I didn't use it at 10 months but I really liked the Sleep Lady approach. It is about routines and associations, and gradually "weaning" LO off being rocked or soothed to sleep.

Also, check out Wonder Weeks or another resource that covers growth spurts and sleep regression. You may just be in a phase.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

We used a combination of Dr Jay Gordon's nightweaning methods and Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.

A PP does make a point, chances are that your baby will cry regardless, if you aren't giving her what she wants, i.e. nursing her to sleep. A lot of the burden fell on my husband to hold our DD, comfort her, lay with her, to help get her through the night-weaning since she definitely wasn't happy about it.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for both of your responses! I will check out the sleep lady approach. I do hope it is just a phase and I had been thinking that it was a wonder week but it is lasting a bit longer and is more intense than we've ever had before so I'm not sure.

Mostly, I'm just so tired that it's hard to even think about a strategy or a method of dealing with it, which is why I posted here instead of going back and reading through the forums. Hopefully I can do that as I'm sure there's some very helpful stuff that has been posted.

First PP, would you be willing to share a little about the sleep training method you used? It sounds like it was very effective!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used a combination of Dr Jay Gordon's nightweaning methods and Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.

A PP does make a point, chances are that your baby will cry regardless, if you aren't giving her what she wants, i.e. nursing her to sleep. A lot of the burden fell on my husband to hold our DD, comfort her, lay with her, to help get her through the night-weaning since she definitely wasn't happy about it.

Thank you! I will check out those resources you cited.

Yes, I agree that poster did make a good point that I need to realize my baby will cry regardless.

[Anonymous]

At 11 months, we used the "let cry for 5 minutes (then go in and say it's okay honey shhhh go to sleep, you can do it!), then let cry for 10 minutes (then go in and say it's okay honey you can do it! shhhh go to sleep), then let cry for 15 minutes (then go in...).

I hated the idea of cry it out but I was too sleep deprived to let things go on as is, and this method let me intervene every 5/10/15 etc minutes to let my kid know I was there and hadn't abandoned her.

I'll admit it, those first five minutes of crying were hard. But then I went in, said my thing, went back to my room, and she cried a little more, but never got to 10 minutes. Second night was the same. And third night she never got to 5.

Apparently there are different baby ages, developmentally, where these methods are most likely to work, and 11 months was one of the good ones.

Best of luck to you. This period of sleep deprivation was one of the most difficult for me in raising a baby -- I hope you get to take care of yourself and things work out!

[Anonymous]

I get that you don't want to do CIO but it really is a brief investment of time. Very quickly both you and the baby will be getting the sleep you both need and you won't have to have many nights of crying. With ours we did straight CIO at around 6 months (plus two remedial courses in the year after that) and it took 2 nights each time. The first night was 45 mins though. I get how hard that is, but total CIO crying is probably the same or less than total crying with other methods, it's just concentrated into 1-3 nights.

[Anonymous]

I have tried staying in the room with my DD instead of leaving. It makes her more upset because I'm standing there and not responding to her.

Just use Ferber and be done in a few days.

[Anonymous]

I also used Jay Gordon's method, although he recommends it best for co-sleeping (or room sharing) families and children over a year old. There was some crying, but it wasn't unattended crying, and it only lasted about 2 nights. Interestingly, we ended up not co-sleeping anymore, and eventually not room sharing anymore, because we really were only doing that to simplify night wakings. I sometimes wonder if it was CONTRIBUTING to the night wakings, although I am happy we had that time together (even if I was exhausted). I did this around 17 months but probably could have done it sooner successfully. I had to let go of the guilt, first.

[Anonymous]

Check out the book "The Happy Sleeper". It was published last December so it's relatively new. IMO it is a much milder version of CIO. Basically, you establish a bedtime routine. If the child starts crying, you wait five minutes, then step in and say a "script" (like "it's time for sleeping. Mommy's right outside. I love you!" or something). If he continues to cry, go in every five minutes and do the same thing. For babies old enough to understand object permanence, this is enough to let them know you haven't abandoned them and allow them to comfort themselves to sleep, according to the authors. We have been doing it for a couple months and bedtime and naptimes have become MUCH easier on us. Most of the time, we don't even have to check in on her once. There were a couple afternoon naps where we went in to check on her multiple times, and sometimes just gave up and let her skip the nap, but overall it was still better than before we tried this method. I will say that while the night wakeups have decreased, it's been harder for us than the book describes. Basically, things like travel, illness, and developmental milestones have been setbacks for the night wakeups. We're down to two wakeups on most nights, with one as an unlimited feeding and one that I'm trying to wean her from.

For us, this method basically enabled us to get out of our baby's way and let her sleep, which, in our case, was what she needed. I'm sure it wouldn't work for all families but it might be worth checking out.

[Anonymous]

We sucked it up and let DD cry it out....was about 4 awful nights and then it was over and she's been a great sleeper even since.

[dancingsunflowers06]

I think it is just a phase, my kiddos went through that too. We sleep trained between 3-5 months for both kiddos and they are AMAZING sleepers now. So worth it! But we didn't let them cry forever or harm their attachment for years to come. We let them cry for a few minutes, went in and rubbed their back so they knew we were still there, and then walked away. Just be consistent. If you cave in one night, they will remember it! Hang in there, you can do it!

[Anonymous]

Cosleeping worked well for us. No need to really even wake up to nurse baby back to sleep.

[Anonymous]

No. At the end of the day, CIO is the only way. You can set time limits on how long you let him/her cry. you can also try a noise machine. But really, if they are fed, are not sick, and do not have any other special issues (such as gas) there is no reason they cannot sleep through the night. A week or two of CIO and your kid will be sleep trained no problem.